Borrowing Trouble(42)

“Ew, Daddy!” Millie said. “That’s why you were out in the dark?”

“No,” Clint said, quietly. “I went to the office before we went to Atlanta and the door was open and you guys were… making out.”

Jay closed his eyes, feeling his own face flush. “Oh, son, I’m sorry… I know it must have been a surprise.”

“Not that it was a man…” Clint rolled his eyes. “Okay, I did freak out about that, but we were away all that week and I realized mostly I was freaked to see my dad making out with anyone.”

“Gross,” Millie stated again. Her nose scrunched up. “A man, Daddy? People are gonna be such jerks about this. I can’t believe you’re gay.”

Clint grimaced. “Are you?”

Jay had to be honest. “I don’t know that I’m completely gay. I did care very much for your mother. I still do, in my own way. But I also have been seeing Landon, and I think I’m getting to be okay with that. But your mom is having a hard time with it. Which is absolutely not her fault. I understand if you guys do, too.”

“I don’t know, Dad. This is gonna suck so bad,” Millie said, a tear falling.

Clint looked at Millie in that superior way teenagers tend to look at those they deem less intelligent than them. “It wouldn’t if you kept you mouth shut.”

Before they could start sniping, Jay held a hand up and tiredly replied. “If Millie needs to talk to people to work it out for herself, we can’t get in her way.” Although a childish part inside him wanted to insist she leave grown-up business to grown-ups.

“I want to talk to mom,” she said, shakily. Jay smiled sadly at her, wishing he could make it better for her. But what could he say? He’d been dealing with this a short time, but in that short time, in his time being so damn happy with Landon, he’d tried to make all the right steps, do the right thing. And now, the right thing was not lying. Because this was not just going to go away.

He perked up a bit when that thought crossed his mind. Regardless of how he labeled this, he could no sooner have stopped himself from being attracted to Landon than he could have Bethany. He cared for Landon, that wasn’t something he’d chosen. He couldn’t change it, and he didn’t want to.

“She’s in the guest room.” When Millie stood to leave, he held out a hand. “I love you, Millie. So much.” She didn’t say anything to that, but she did hug him quickly before running upstairs.

The quiet was strange after Millie left. Not necessarily strained, but not comfortable. Both Jay and Clint were lost in thought. His son didn’t seem to be losing his mind over the news, but he’d had time to work through it, which neither Bethany nor Millie had.

“You smile more,” Clint said.

“What?” Jay glanced Clint’s direction. Again, he marveled at how old his kids had gotten. Clint was practically a man. Hell, he was just shy of Jay’s height at this point.

“You smile more. I wondered if maybe you were dating someone. My friends always seemed dumber when they were getting laid.”

“Clint!”

“What?” Clint’s crooked grin brought a levity that Jay felt guilty, but grateful to accept. “You know my boy Zach was. Well, is.”

Jay started. “Zach Cummings?” They’d grown up together, Zach and Clint. They did everything together for a long while, but that had stopped at some point Jay had to admit he didn’t remember.

“He, um, kissed me.” Again, Clint’s face turned scarlet.

“Oh?” Jay tried to keep his tone neutral.

“Yeah. I was a dick after that. Guys at school gave him shit after I stopped hanging out with him. I didn’t apologize ‘til right before we moved.” Clint looked at his dad, distraught. Jay couldn’t bring himself to scold his son for the language when he looked like that. “And he forgave me. For no reason. Then when I saw you and I called him, he told me not to be a dick to you like I was to him.”

Jay wanted to drive to Columbus right then and offer to pay the kid’s college tuition.

“Dad, it’s weird as hell. I won’t lie. But I do love you.”

Jay couldn’t stop himself from moving quickly across the room and hugging his son. Clint patted Jay’s back awkwardly and he moved back, clearing his throat. “Sorry,” Jay said. Then he hugged Clint again. “No, I’m not.”

Clint laughed.

God. Damn. That was the most beautiful sound he’d heard that night. Jay pulled away and wiped his eyes. Clint patted his dad’s shoulder. “You’re alright, old man.”

Jay shook his head, staring at his son in wonder. “When did you grow up?”

“Dad, don’t get weird.” Clint smirked. “Weirder.”

Jay chuckled, feeling lighter. God, this wasn’t over by a very long shot. But Clint’s acceptance was a balm on his soul tonight. He was very glad his kids had been born in a different time than him, all of a sudden.

“I’m gonna go talk to the girls,” Clint said. “Night, Dad.”

Jay felt like his bones weighed a thousand pounds. He sank back down into the recliner after Clint went upstairs, and closed his eyes. He just needed a minute. He was so weary, just a minute and he’d shut off the lights and go to bed.