Borrowing Trouble(36)

Clint looked at Jay straight on, studied him, then shrugged again. Jay gritted his teeth, knowing then how Bethany must have felt all those years when shrugs were Jay’s favorite response to questions. But Jay shrugged because he honestly hadn’t thought anything was going on; Clint had something tumbling around that busy brain of his.

“You know, if you do. If you have any questions.”

“Maybe later,” Clint said, full of meaning. Jay swallowed thickly. He felt a heavy weight settle in his chest. If Clint knew something, he obviously needed to work it out for himself. That scared the shit out of Jay. He hoped he wasn’t right, but only time would tell.

“Night, then. Don’t stay up too late.”

“Night, Dad.”

Jay shut Clint’s door behind him, letting out a shaky breath. The look he’d gotten from Clint was similar to, if not a bit kinder, than ones he’d noticed from Ms. Lynne lately. He hoped they were speculative, rather than knowing looks, because even if he was pretty sure what he himself knew now, he wasn’t a hundred percent. And how could he answer questions he didn’t know how to answer for himself?

It was too soon to know now, right? A couple months friendship had morphed into an unexpected affair with a man for the first time. Even if he realized he obviously had feelings like that for another man, didn’t mean he was strictly dickly all of a sudden.

Speaking of.

He went downstairs and found Bethany sitting on the sofa, going through her cell phone. She looked up at his entrance. “Hey, you. Sorry I ended up here so late. I can probably go to my folks’ house.” She tensed, probably expecting another rude comment like the one that’d slipped out of his mouth when she’d been making herself comfortable in his house earlier.

Not for the first time, he realized, the part of his life that included Bethany as a day-to-day part of his life—aside from as the mother of his children—appeared to well and truly have started feeling like a chapter almost closed. Maybe her being here, helping him come to that realization, hadn’t been a bad thing. He did have a flicker of sadness at the thought, but really, he knew what being happy felt like. And what they had, had never truly been that.

“No. You can crash in the guest room if you like.”

Her shoulders dropped a fraction, relieved and not disappointed, he hoped. “Thanks, Jay. I finished the dishes.”

“Thanks, Beths.” He smiled and walked around to take a seat on the sofa beside her. “How are you doing?”

“I’m well. A lot going on right now with work and such.” She eyed him. “You seem to be doing well. You seem different.” He tried his best to keep from tensing. Was he really that transparent? Or had he been more miserable than he’d known?

“I’m good. Work’s going well.” He tried for a neutral subject. Bethany looked out the corner of her eye and he knew he wasn’t getting off that easily.

“Are you seeing anybody?”

What the hell? Why was everyone so suspicious all of a sudden? Of course, he could just be feeling the pressure of being secretive for the first real time in his life. He didn’t like it one bit.

He also didn’t like lying. Especially to Bethany. Even if their relationship hadn’t been the best for them, he still cared for her. She’d been his friend for such a very long time.

“It’s complicated,” he answered. Her eyes snapped to his, but a smile crossed her face.

“That’s really good. Not the complicated. But that you’re seeing someone. If she can get you smiling like that, I should shake her hand.”

Jay grunted, a little surprised at her being so supportive. He wasn’t so egotistical as to think she still had thoughts of reconciling. Hell, they’d shared dating horror stories enough over the last couple years since their official separation. She’d even seen someone fairly seriously for a couple months.

“What about you?”

She shook her head. “Not so much. But, I’m thinking of making a move soon, so I haven’t really been looking. I want to talk to you about it, what it’ll mean for the kids, but I want to get my ducks in a row first.”

Jay frowned thoughtfully. “Oh-kay,” he drawled.

“I should know more come thanksgiving.”

“Well, that’s only three weeks from now. I suppose the suspense won’t kill me,” Jay teased. She cast him an unfathomable look, then shook her head and smiled fondly.

She patted his knee. “I’m going to head up to bed. I’ll do breakfast in the morning so you can sleep in, then I’ll head out and go see my parents before I head back to Atlanta.”

“Sleep good, Beths,” he said as she stood to leave.

“You too, Jay. And really. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. I hate...” She paused, closing her eyes, and sighed. “No would’ve, should’ve, could’ves. Just glad you’re happy.”

“Are you?” he asked.

“I think so,” she answered.

And as she walked up the stairs, watching her back, he realized the chapter closed right then. He didn’t know what that meant for the next chapter any more than it had before, but this one was well and surely written, crossed, dotted, and the page had turned.

He wasn’t surprised at all that his first thought was to call Landon and tell him this development. But to be fair to Landon, himself, and his kids—hell, even to Beths—he had to find the first words for that next chapter, or at least stop holding himself back. So, instead, he surprised himself and called the messenger service to make an appointment with the counselor. If it was time to really be New Jay, or at least the Real Jay, he’d have to do some things that may be a little uncomfortable to Old Jay.