Blind Kiss(69)

Frank got in the driver’s seat while I lay down on Gavin’s lap in the backseat. Frank quickly but cautiously drove us to the hospital as we swerved through Monday-morning traffic.

“Oh god! This hurts.”

Gavin rubbed my sweating head. “I know, baby, just breathe in and out.”

I was wearing a nightgown and slippers. Gavin had thrown a heavy jacket over my shoulders since it was snowing out. Still, I was sweating bullets.I felt a gush between my legs. Looking down, I could see amniotic fluid spilling across the leather seat and onto the floor. “Oh no.”

“It’s okay, Penny. Your water just broke.”

“Not that. The baby’s coming. I can feel it.” I put my hand between my legs and felt the baby crowning as we pulled into the emergency entrance of the hospital.

“I’ll get a wheelchair!” Frank said.

“Tell them he’s crowning. It’s happening!” I yelled.

“Oh, Jesus!” Gavin said.

They brought out a stretcher and somehow, between Gavin, a nurse, and an orderly, I managed to get up on it, but I was writhing in pain. My mother and Kiki appeared on the other side of me as I was wheeled in. “Call Lance!” I kept saying. “He’s going to miss it!”

Inside the labor and delivery room, there were nurses and doctors moving around with focused speed. Gavin and Frank must have gone to the waiting room because now it was only my mother and Kiki. My sister was rubbing my shoulders and my mom was scurrying around to find a washcloth to wipe my forehead. “I have to push!” I screamed.

“Push!” the unfamiliar male doctor said. I briefly thought I didn’t want him looking at my crotch, but modesty quickly disappeared when I realized there was a baby coming out of me.

“Mrs. Stone,” the doctor said, “take a breath in, deep and full, bear down, and push; you’ve almost got the shoulders out.”

I reached down and touched Milo’s head. It was all real and happening. I sat up with the help of my mom and sister, who were each holding one leg back. Before I could blink, I pushed my nine-pound son out of me with the last bit of energy I could muster—and I did it all without even taking a Tylenol. I was so proud of myself, but sad that Lance had missed a moment in my life that made me feel so much self-worth and pride. Sad for him that he had missed his first son’s birth.

The doctor turned Milo upside down and suctioned his mouth, and as soon as Milo starting crying, he rested the slimy, wailing, and amazing little creature on my chest. “Hello,” I squeaked. “It’s nice to meet you.”

My mother was crying, my sister was crying, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to show Gavin the little miracle I was holding.

After they cleaned Milo, my mom and sister got to hold him for a few minutes, until the nurse said I should try breastfeeding. At first it was painful, but then my mother showed me how to help him latch on properly. It was a moment I’ll never forget. There was a new love, warmth, and maternal instinct inside of me, and I could see those same things inside of her for me. Milo finally latched on and was part of me again.

“I wish Dad were here,” I whispered. “He’d be so happy.”

“Me too,” she said. Her face was blank but tears were running down her cheeks in streams.

“Will you go get Gavin and Frank?” I asked Kiki.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Of course, Keeks.”

When they all came in, Milo was still suckling at my breast. I didn’t even attempt to cover up.

Frank came toward me first, but he was apprehensive. “Get over here,” I said, waving to him. “Look at my beautiful baby.”

He kissed my forehead. “You did good, Mama.” Gavin stood behind him near the door. For some reason he didn’t come closer.

My mother called Lance, who had managed to buy the last ticket on the next flight to Denver and was getting ready to board his plane. She told him our big baby had come barreling into the world impatiently, and I could hear Lance exclaiming on the other end. I gestured for Kiki to hold the phone to my ear.

“How are you doing, Mommy?” Lance asked.

“Good. He’s beautiful, Lance.”

Lance wasn’t crying but I could tell he was emotional. “I’m so sad I missed it, sweetie.”

“Me too, but it happened so fast. How long until you’re here?”

“I’m about to board my flight, so I’m hoping to be there in three hours. Who’s there right now?”

“Just my mom, Keeks, Gavin, and Frank.”

Silenced descended.

“Lance? Are you there?” I said.

“Was Gavin in the room when you delivered the baby?”

“Oh no,” I said, like it would have been complete blasphemy, even though I’d wished he’d been there with me. “Of course not. Just my mom and Kiki. But I called Frank because I could feel the baby coming and knew he could get to me sooner. Gavin just happened to be in town.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll be there soon, sweetie.”

Kiki started complaining about being hungry, so my mom said, “I’m gonna head down to the cafeteria. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” I smiled.

Frank followed them but Gavin stayed in the room, near the door. When the last nurse left the room, he shuffled toward me.