Blind Kiss(56)

“I have two degrees now. I’ll get a better job than Pete’s garage. Tell me you said no.”

Pulling away with resolve, she wiped the tears from her face. “But I love him.”

I shook my head vehemently. “No! You don’t.”

“Yes, Gavin. He’s going to be the father of my child.”

“That doesn’t mean you love him.”

“I said yes. I said yes. We’re going to get married.”

The crushing ache in my chest was getting stronger. “Why were you waiting to tell me? Why?” My voice was frantic.

She walked over to get her long sweater, insecurity showing in her movements for the first time since I’d met her. “Because I knew you’d have this reaction. Lance is ready to be a husband and a father. He cares so much for me.”

“Yes!” I shouted. “He’s in love with you. I get it! I know how he feels!”

“Oh, don’t come at me with your declarations now. You said I wasn’t your Carissa, remember? I’m probably not even your Lottie or Kimber, either.”

How far would I go to convince her? No, Penny, you’re not my Carissa or Lottie or Kimber. You’re my everything.

I was too weak to fight anymore. “That’s right. What we have is different,” I said, resigned.

She put her tiny hands on my shoulders to calm me. “Friendship,” she said. “A deep, meaningful friendship.”

“A deep, meaningful friendship,” I repeated. But I had to try one last time. “I can take care of you, Penny.”

Still staring up at me, she silently shook her head for several moments. Was she contemplating it? “It’s too late,” she whispered, before pushing past me and running up the stairs.

I left Fort Collins that day. I ran from Penny and her growing belly, my dad’s worldly advice, Pete’s garage, and all the reminders that I was in love with a girl I couldn’t have.





26. Three Months Ago


GAVIN

Sitting in the shadow of my father’s porch, I stared at Penny’s house the next morning. Had I done the right thing by intervening? Was I muddying the waters for her? Had I always been?

Lance left for work first, and then Penny took Milo to school. When she returned, I got into my car and sped down the street.

“Get in,” I yelled from the window as she was heading into the house.

Startled, she turned and stared at me for a few moments before walking toward my car. There were dark circles under her beautiful eyes, and she was wearing sweats and a hoodie, and her hair pulled back into a bun. She looked tormented.

“What do you want, Gavin?”

“I want you to get in the car and go for a drive with me so we can talk.”

She took a deep breath and got in, reluctantly. She shoved her large purse between us, creating a physical barrier.

We drove to Grandview Cemetery, where both of our fathers were buried: mine in the ground, hers in an urn behind a little glass window in the mausoleum. I never understood why her mom chose to do that.

“I always wondered, why didn’t your mom let you guys spread the ashes somewhere special for your dad?”

“I don’t know why my mom does half the things she does. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?” She stared out the car window impassively.

“How often do you guys fight over me? Am I making things harder for you?”

“What do you want to do, Gavin? Run away to make my life easier and happier? Do you think that’ll solve everything?”

“I don’t know.”

She turned to me. “When you’re on your little treks around the world with your latest fling, do you think Lance and I are hunky-dory?”

“I don’t know, Penny. But what was this latest fight over?”

“Milo told him we had a fun day together. It was enough to push him over the edge.”

“I thought you told Lance everything?”

“I tell him when I’m with you. I don’t tell him I’m having the best time of my life.” Her voice cracked. She looked out the window again.

I threw her purse on the floor and pulled her into my arms. “We’re close now,” I whispered near her ear. “Aren’t we?”

“I don’t know what to do. Why are we going to the cemetery?”

“Because I haven’t been here since I buried him and I need you. I need you with me. I also need to tell you that I can’t sit by and watch you be miserable anymore. Last night was the last straw for me. You need to ask for a separation.”

“What are you going to do, fight him?”

“No. I’m going to get out of your life so he won’t have anything to be jealous of. So you can go on and not feel conflicted. I’m not helping you by being in Fort Collins.”

“I told him you have a girlfriend.”

“I’ve always had a girlfriend. You know that doesn’t matter to him. He’ll always be jealous as long as I’m around. Listen, why don’t you have Ling come out? You guys can stay in my apartment in Denver and put some space between you and Lance.”

“And you?”

“And me what?”

“Put some space between you and me?” she said.