Blind Kiss(57)

I didn’t answer even though she was right. “Let’s go see my dad.”

We walked slowly toward my father’s grave. The grass hadn’t grown in yet, reminding me of how recent his death was. I kissed the top of his tombstone. “Hi, Dad.” My throat was tight but I tried not to cry. Penny stood behind me, rubbing my back.

She kissed her hand and touched his tombstone. “Hi, Frank.” We stood there in silence for several moments. “What are you thinking about, Gavin?”

“I’m thinking about the day he came to see me after I moved to Denver. He told me you were marrying Lance, but I already knew. He said you’d been over a lot recently, pregnant and shooting arrows in three feet of snow in his backyard. He wondered why you were always there . . . if it was because you missed your dad—”

“It was because I missed you.” Her voice broke.

“I know. That’s what he said. He told me to grow up, to come back, to go to your wedding, and to be a good friend.” My voice was shaking now, too. “He said it would be worth it to have you in my life forever.”

“Has it been, Gavin?”

“Well, you’re here with me now, rubbing my back. You’ve always been there for me. So yes. But how much can we fuck with what’s right? I can’t watch you and Lance fight anymore.”

“It’s complicated.”

I looked down at the tombstone. “You gave my dad something he never got from me. When you asked him to walk you down the aisle, when you brought Milo to his house . . . all the things he wanted so badly from me . . . a semblance of family . . . he got all that from you.” I turned and looked at her. “Thank you for what you did for him.”

She nodded, unwavering, stoic.

“But, Penny, you and Lance . . . it’s not real, it’s just comfortable. And now I’m not sure you can even say that anymore, can you?”

“No, I can’t.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Take you up on your offer. I’ll have Milo stay with my mom for a few weeks until I can figure things out with Lance. I’ll put some space between us.”

“You need to demand that you guys go to counseling at least.”

“I can’t divorce him, though, Gavin.”

“What? Why?”

“He’s all I’ve ever known.”

“You’re conditioned to feel that way but it’s just inertia. You’re a capable and intelligent woman, Penny. You don’t have to accept these imagined limitations. You could finally start your career and get a job.”

“Doing what? I’ve never worked a day in my life.”

“Teaching dance.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled softly, as if she were touched by my words, but she didn’t say anything.

After a moment, I took her hand and pulled her toward the car.

“Do you want to go up to see your father?”

“Okay,” she said.

I drove my car to the mausoleum. “Just tell me this. What else has he done to you? Has he ever hit you?”

“No. He’s just controlling.”

“Yeah, that’s the understatement of the century.”

“I don’t think he would be that way if it weren’t for . . .”

“Say it, Penny. Go ahead.”

I turned my whole body toward her and looked at her intently, waiting for her to say the words.

“He’s jealous of my relationship with you.”

There it was. “Penny, he’s kept you at home, doting over your child, but Milo’s a fucking genius, for God’s sake. He’ll be off to college in the fall, and then what? What will you do, Penny? Make pie for Lance? Let him tell you who you should hang out with, and when and how often?”

She started crying into her hands. I had finally broken her down. I gave her a T-shirt from the backseat, and she blew her nose into it. “Thanks.”

“I’m sorry, Penny. I don’t want to make you cry. I just want you to confront the truth. I want you to be happy.” She blew her nose again. “Let’s go inside.”

We went into the mausoleum, where we immediately came upon her father’s urn behind the glass. It was a beautiful copper vessel engraved with the words Liam Charles Piper. Husband, Father, Brother, Son. Brilliant Loving Soul.

“Penny!” We heard Kiki’s voice before we saw her. “I didn’t know you were coming to visit Dad today.”

“Oh fuck,” Penny said under her breath. Her eyes were still puffy from crying. She turned toward her sister and tried to muster her biggest smile. “Hey, Keeks.”

Kiki’s big blue eyes shot open wider than I thought possible. She looked up at me. “Gavin, what’s going on?”

“Hey, Keeks,” I said. “Long time, no see.” A part of me still couldn’t believe that the former, beribboned beauty queen was now a tomboyish microbiologist with a platinum-blond pixie cut. Even more amazing: she worked at the same pharmaceutical company that Liam had worked at for most of his adult life.

“Is something going on, Penny?” she said.

“Penny,” I coaxed her.

Penny just stood there, shaking her head. Kiki pulled her in for a hug. “Is this about Dad?”

Penny shook her head.