Blind Kiss(27)

I followed Penny to my own car and felt frozen for a moment.

“Something wrong?” she said as she stood near the passenger door.

Walking around to unlock her door, I said, “I got a weird vibe back there. Did you?”

“Well, they are weird. What can I say?”

“They seem really nice, though. Why didn’t you want to stay and chat a bit?”

“Gavin, just get in the car. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about them on the way to Ling’s.”

“What’s the deal with you and your mom?”

She sighed. “It’s complicated. Let’s just say I’m closer to my dad.”

“I actually get along better with my dad, too, though I’d never tell my mom that.”

There was a beat of silence as Penny and I sat in my car. It was getting dark and I felt a burning need to get back to that moment we’d had in her bedroom. “So, when we did that Blind Kiss thing?”

“Yeah?” she said hesitantly.

“Well, didn’t you feel it? You said you liked me, I think.”

“Did I feel what?”

“Like, stars exploding? That kind of thing?”

“That’s an interesting way of putting it, although a tad dramatic.”

“Well?”

She sighed. “Yes, Gavin. It was a great kiss.”

“So why are you so determined to keep things platonic between us?”

She turned her whole body toward me. “It was really one of the best kisses I’ve ever had. I told you that. But I want to get to know you, Gavin. You’re like the first friend I’ve had where it doesn’t feel like I’m in some kind of competition. And I’m afraid—”

“You’re afraid if something happens, we won’t be friends?”

“Yes. And I need to concentrate on school. I have to get a job out of all this hard work I’m putting into dance. At least as a choreographer or instructor. I feel like if we date, we’ll end up wasting our last semester drinking flights of beer.”

“First of all, that’s not how it would go—we would also have sexy times.” I winked and smiled. It didn’t work.

She sighed again. “Can you understand what I’m saying? What if I promise to be open, to go with the flow, and to work really hard at getting to know you? We don’t have to decide anything right now.” She looked at her watch. “We should get to Ling’s.”

“Okay, I guess,” I said. I turned up The Cure’s “Plainsong” and drove. Penny stared out the window. I forgot how emotional that song was until I thought about how she and I were trying to figure out how to be in each other’s lives. What would we be to each other, and for how long? Would it be for a month? For a year? Would I ruin it by pushing her? I just wanted to be around her, but the girl had boundaries. Big ones.

When we got to Ling’s, I walked Penny to the door.

Ling swung the door open and said, “Hi, HKM.”

I looked around.

Penny mumbled, “Hot Kissing Machine. Ignore her.”

“Well, ladies, I think this is where I leave you. Have fun at the party. Hey Ling, you have my number, right? From the experiment?”

“I prefer to call it a study, but yes, I do. Why, what’s up?”

“Give me a call if our girl Penny needs a ride, or starts a girl fight.”

They both chuckled. I grabbed Penny’s hand and swung her around to face me. I bent, kissed her on the cheek, and said, “Bye, friend, have fun.”





11. Fourteen Years Ago


PENNY

“Oh Ling, I’m so screwed.”

She turned around and grinned at me. “I can see that. I mean, that blind kiss . . . it was like he was trying to put a baby in you. You guys stole the show. Like, you two need to bone, for sure.”

“No, I actually like him.”

“Precisely.”

We were in Ling’s bedroom, in her apartment, drinking Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill from the bottle, which felt like a crime, even back then. She was trying on different variations of the same outfit. I was thinking about why I was stopping myself from kissing Gavin a million times. I’d fall in love with him and end up pregnant at twenty-one, with no future and no hope of pursuing dance. He was a bad boy, good boy, bad boy, good boy. I was so confused.

Why, God? Why bring this guy into my life right now?

Ling finally chose an outfit, which was the first outfit she had tried on. I was wearing an off-the-shoulder T-shirt, jeans, and boots. Nothing fancy. I wasn’t planning to see anyone I knew, anyway; I just wanted to hang out with Ling and blow off some steam.

As we headed to the party in the building’s courtyard, the first person we ran into was Lance, the microbiology major.

“You waiting for me, Lance?” I said teasingly.

“Hey Penny, didn’t expect to see you here! You look pretty.” He held out a full beer in a red Solo cup for me to take.

“You sure?”

He waved me off, like it was no problem.

“Thanks. You look nice, too, by the way. What are you up to?” Ling raised an eyebrow at me as she walked away.

“Actually, I’ve been creating a biosphere. I think your dad would flip out over it.”