Blasphemous (Torn #3)(36)

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I found Carter back in bed, watching every move I made with dark desire in his eyes. I was undaunted. Well, as before, I would probably be uncomfortable.

His eyes followed as I slid onto the bed. He then reached out and switched off the lamp on his side table. I was on my side, facing him, curious and at the same time needing to think of something other than Bass. “How have you been, Carter?”

“Missing you like hell. That’s all I ever do, apart from soccer and hanging out with the guys, you are all I think about.”

“Why haven’t you given up, though? I’ve rejected you all summer long.” Yet still, you persisted.

“I loved you before, when we were together, but I never realized just how much until I lost you this time around. I believe in my heart that we still have a chance together.”

Regrets were the worst kind of failure. Carter and I were in the same boat on that score, but sadly, headed for a different destination. “I believe it, too, in my heart, that Bass and I still have a chance to make this work. What do I do when he doesn’t care about it, though?”

“If he really does love you, he won’t let you go.”

“What happens if he does it this time? What do I do then?”

“Move on,” he murmured, before adding, “and come back to me, Emma.”

Ha, there’s wishful thinking for you. “Goodnight, Carter,” I whispered, closing my eyes.

I had no clue what time sleep finally caught me, but I knew Carter’s eyes never left me. I could feel him, staring until I slept.

E

“I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.”



- Author Unknown



The next day, I found myself in the same situation, BUT when it was closing time at three in the morning, I found myself driving towards the freeway.

Not that I was an irresponsible person, but I drove drunk for the very first time to Bass’s house with his gate remote and key on my dashboard. I barely stopped when I got to his house and unceremoniously opened it without much care if he would get mad at me for trespassing at his home.

I had to see him.

I was dying to see him.

The entire house was blasting Stop and Stare by One Republic. I paused for a moment, unsure what to do. In my too eager stubbornness, I forgot to stop and consider if Lydia was here with him.

His home was dark, but there were lights coming out of the kitchen, so I strode towards it. I started to feel unsure when the song changed to Apologize. The lyrics sang into my heart. Each word pierced through me making me a bit unsteady.

I spun around to leave, but I found my drunk-self eyeing my last meal on earth. Bass only had some rugged jeans on with a bottle of wine in his hand.

The rest was pure gloriously bare skin.

This, HIM, was what I needed. What I’ve been craving for the last week. Bass—only him and no one else.

“Emma?” Bass called out, looking at me as if to make sure I wasn’t a ghost or his imagination playing tricks with him.

He took a remote control from his back pocket and cut off the music before diverting his attention back to me. “What are you doing here? It’s four in the morning,” Bass said, disbelieving, as he looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

I probably had, amongst other things.

I was desperate, though, and I wanted to hold onto whatever I could. “I needed to see you tonight.” I licked my lips as my eyes roved over his fantastic form. “I want…” I trailed off as I slowly strode towards him. Bass suddenly froze on the spot when my finger brushed over his chest, trailing it until it hit his jeans. “You…” I whispered before I leaned over against his ear. “f*uk me. Anywhere and everywhere you want.” I heard him take a sharp breath and I could feel his heart pounding against mine, but he got hold of my arm and slowly pushed me off his body.

“No, Emma. You’re obviously drunk. We’ve already discussed this. You need to let me go.”

Rejection, again, each time felt like the first. New wounds split open as I tried to compose myself. “You can’t mean that… I don’t believe you. I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again, I’m sorry for hiding it from you. I’ve regretted it ever since.” Tears started to form in my eyes, but I was shattered to see his closed-off self after I brought up the subject again.

“Emma—”

I knew what was going to come out, so I had to cut him off. “Tell me what to do, Bass! I’ll do it just to have you back,” I desperately pleaded, knowing I’d do anything to have him with me again. “Anything, just to have you back.” Choked up, I continued my plea, “I’m hurting without you. I’m breaking—I can’t think of anything else but you, Bass. So, please, for the last time, I’m asking you to reconsider and give us another chance to be together.”

“We’ve been here before.” He continued to look determined and heartless. His resolve hardened. “You have to understand that there’s no more us.”

No. No. No.

“Don’t you love me?” I brokenly whispered, trying to understand everything he was telling me.

“You misunderstand, Emma. This is not about love anymore, it’s about trust. You’ve betrayed it each time I handed it back to you. Why should I chance it again? So, you could trample on it a third time? I think not. We need to start letting go of each other.”