Blasphemous (Torn #3)(32)
His words echoed in my head. Taylor had good points, but I wasn’t in the right condition to consider any of them. I just wanted to make the pain go away. Going back and working things out gave another opportunity for more heartache. Then what? I was going to fester away until there wasn’t anything left of me? No. I worked too hard to get somewhere in my career. It was the only constant thing that mattered to me. The only thing I had left. I wasn’t going to let my personal crap affect any of that hard work. When everything else failed, I always had acting. “I’ll be okay,” I finally spoke after a long pause.
“So, is that what you want then? You’re really going to let Emma go?”
I didn’t want to, but I knew I had to. “Yeah, I have to set her free. Trust me, she will run straight back to him. Maybe I’ll find someone else out there that won’t give me this much heartache. Someone I could love, who isn’t in love with another guy. I admire that you could be with Trista, knowing she was in love with someone else. That truly takes a lot of balls to try and make it with her, but I’m not you. I don’t share. Why should I expect any less from the woman who I’m giving my everything to?”
Taylor nodded his head, knowing I really had made up my mind. “I’m really sorry, man. I guess I got too involved because I’d never seen you so happy with a woman. I thought she was perfect for you.”
“Me, too.” I thought her so perfect that I bypassed all the emotional flaws, thinking that I could make up for it. That’s what I got for dreaming the great illusion.
Who would have thought that my life was going to be turned upside down when I woke this morning, wrapped in Emma’s arms? Waking up with so much happiness that I had planned to bring her breakfast in bed.
After a quick shower and going to change, I noticed that her things were still packed in the luggage. So one-by-one, I fixed her things and placed them in the ‘hers’ section of the walk-in closet. After clearing all three of her luggage bags, I realized that there was a white, folded, paper bag tucked in one of the compartments. I didn’t really think much of it. I thought it was some of the items she had purchased while travelling for her or for her parents. I decided to place it next to her purse, while I got another paper bag that wasn’t so crumpled.
The moment I opened that damned thing, I literally stopped breathing while staring at the picture of them together in some Pirate costume. One thing stood out among the rest, a letter. From the dents and worn look of the cream paper it was obvious that it had been read quite a few times to achieve that kind of condition. Whatever was in it, Emma clearly was affected by it.
When my shaky hand reached for it, I hadn’t expected that it was going to explode in my face. I barely finished reading it because I couldn’t handle another damn word written by that obnoxious prick. I was reeling for God knows how long, trying to analyze everything. She promised that she didn’t have any more secrets, the words kept repeating around in my head. Right there in my closet, I felt my life dwindling away. It was a given that I was furious, but at the same time, I felt weakened by the betrayal of Emma to the point that the feeling simply reminded me of how my parents had disappointed me all throughout my life. Each time I sought for love, it always rejected me, as if I was unworthy of it. I thought falling in love didn’t happen to me because my childhood had affected me mentally and emotionally—that it was hard to connect to another woman on that level—however, when Emma came along, I was proven wrong.
When I fell, I was ecstatic that it was finally happening for me. I wanted to love and be loved in return. Yet, it mocked me, making me feel unworthy.
My relationship with Emma was done, but that didn’t imply that I had given up entirely when it came to committing myself to another woman.
Maybe it was all trial and error.
Just like everything else in life.
Chapter 13
“Don’t ever give up if you still want to try, don’t ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don’t ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don’t ever say you don’t love him if you can’t let him go.”
- Author Unknown
Emma
The next day, I knew I had to come out of my room before they broke the door to get in here. The ride from his house to mine breezed through my mind as if I were in a dream. Since it was only morning, the girls were still asleep and I was more than relieved that no one was awake to ask me questions.
However, after I brushed my teeth, I was surprised to find Trista sitting on my bed with a look full of sympathy. “I just found out. I’m so sorry, Em.” Trista stood up and hugged me.
Her warmth and sincerity made me start crying again. The cries of someone who had lost something significant, as if someone had died. The deep wretched sound wouldn’t stop. It didn’t help that she was soothing me even though I was soaking her shirt with my tears.
“He loves you, Em. He’ll come back,” she softly whispered above my head, sounding as if she was trying to make sense of things.
“He’s gone, Tris. He left me.” A new racking sob bubbled out of me. “Gone,” I repeated through my cries.
“Emma! You better face me instead of hiding like a scared little—” I heard Lindsey enter my room, but I guess she paused the moment she saw how we were. “What the f*uk happened to her?”