Big Easy Temptation (The Perfect Gentlemen #3)(90)

“I’ll be back. Oh, and I might have put some traps around the house. You really shouldn’t go too far. Night.”

Dear god. Dax prayed Freddy hadn’t put in land mines. But he wouldn’t put it past the crazy bastard.

The door closed, and suddenly he was alone with Holland and about a thousand questions. Literally. They were surrounded by whiteboards covered in questions. But the one he most wanted answered wasn’t anywhere on the wall.

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

She stood abruptly. “I already have. There’s nothing to forgive, not really.”

“I married Courtney.”

“We weren’t together at the time. You were perfectly free to marry anyone you chose.”

That had to be her pride talking. And her fear.

“I chose you. Damn it, Holland. I chose you, not her. It was a horrible mistake and one I regretted the minute I sobered up.” He couldn’t explain to her how hollow he’d felt when he realized what he’d done.

“You must have decided it wasn’t such a terrible mistake since you didn’t divorce her right away.”

At least they were talking about it. “Courtney and I discussed it. I wanted to, but the press had caught the story and I didn’t want to embarrass my family any more. It was stupid, but pride was all I had at the time. And I had to protect Mom and Gus. So Courtney and I stayed married. I shipped out a week later. You were lost to me. And I was so angry.”

It had been the worst time of his life. After losing his father and believing the worst about him, Holland had seemingly betrayed him. He hadn’t been able to fill the hole in his heart until he’d recently realized that she’d never meant to hurt him.

“I might be able to buy that for six months, not two years,” Holland pointed out.

“And I was at sea almost every one of those days. It was easy to forget that I was married. I gave her money and let her get an apartment that I spent exactly two nights in. Did I try to make it work? Not really. I might have thought I was at the time, but I was fooling myself. I knew it wouldn’t work for the same reason you knew it wouldn’t work with Chad. She wasn’t you.”

She shook her head, biting her lip as her gaze slid away. “I don’t think we can go back.”

“Then let’s move forward.” He closed the distance between them, unwilling to be parted from her a minute more. “What happened is in the past. It doesn’t define us. I only know how damn much I need you now. I can’t breathe I want you so much. The only question is do you want me, too?”

Her head snapped up. She met his stare, both uncertainty and heat flaring in her eyes. “I’ve always wanted you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, Dax. In bed. Out of bed. Good and bad. It’s always you.”

Bitterness rang in her tone, but he ignored it and chose to focus on the positive. If he could get her into bed, get her underneath him, he could remind her just how good he could make her feel. He could also show her how much he cared. She wouldn’t be able to turn away from him then. Once he was back in her bed, he would bind her to him and never let her go.

He sank his fingers into the silk of her hair. “I need you, Holland. My life has been a wreck without you in it.”

She shook her head but didn’t attempt to wriggle free. “I want you, too. I can’t seem to help it. The minute you walk in a room, my body comes alive. But that doesn’t change anything between us. It doesn’t fix anything.”

She was the one fooling herself if she thought making love again wouldn’t right a few wrongs between them. He’d take that bet. It would change everything for him, and he suspected it would do the same for her.

He lowered his head down and layered his lips over hers.

Sweet perfection. Kissing Holland was more intimate than sex with all the other women combined. When he kissed Holland, he could feel them aligning, communicating on a level he knew he never would with anyone else.

Her arms wound around him, and Dax knew he had her. Now there would be no flying bullets, no interruptions. He had the night with her and he intended to make it count.

Over and over he kissed her, reminding himself of her taste and the sweet way she fit against his body. He would learn her all over again.

With a little whimper, she gave in and tugged at his T-shirt with a desperation that sent his blood racing. He pulled it over his head, tossing it to the side. Holland flattened her palms against his skin and he could see the sleepy expression of desire in her eyes as she looked him over. She caressed his chest slowly, as if assuring herself that he was real. He forced himself to remain still but he couldn’t stop the groan that escaped his chest. It had been so damn long since he’d felt her skin against his. He closed his eyes and let the sensation take over.

Holland brushed warm palms over his shoulders and pecs, tracing the lines of his muscles down to his abs. She spread her hands apart, continuing her exploration a bit lower.

Her shocked gasp forced him to open his eyes. She’d found his latest scar.

“That’s a bullet wound.” She touched the puckered scar on his left side, right above his hipbone.

Naturally, she would know exactly what had caused the scar. He would be able to shrug and tell any other woman that it was an unfortunate cigar burn or something, but not a woman who had been around guns all her life. “We ran into a small incident back a few months ago. Connor, Gabe, and I had a little run-in with our Russian friends. The good news is, they’re dead and I’m alive.”