Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(9)

And then he left me.

“I never believed in fate, but then I met you. Who falls on someone’s lap? I mean, that’s just crazy. But it happened.” I grab his hand and pull it to my chest, weaving our fingers together.

“Life has managed to slap us around a bit though. We keep fighting this current pushing us the wrong way. Yet here I sit, waiting, hoping, praying you’ll wake up and we’ll get back on course.” Leaning over gently, I press my lips against his cheek and then his lips. I wait, hoping in some ridiculous way I can break the spell. “I hope you know how much you own my heart. And I hate you for it. I hate that you’ve stripped me of my defenses and made me feel, when all I want to do is be numb. Then this wouldn’t hurt so damn much. I would be able to grab my bag and walk away. Let you fight your demons on your own.” I take a deep breath. “But instead I’d rather watch you breathe.”

Lying here with him, I relish in his touch. I focus on the man who showed me I was enough, who gave me the strength to love again. With Jackson, I can be me without fear. We both have a lot to overcome, but our love can endure it. He would never cheat or deceive me. Closing my eyes, I let the sound of his monitor lull me to sleep against his shoulder.

I hear the door open and someone moving around. My eyes open and I realize I fell asleep in his bed. Glancing at the sliding door I see the charge nurse enter smiling. Carefully, I climb out of his bed and instantly feel his loss. Being close to him gave me a small amount of solace.

“Sorry, honey, we need to take him for testing.”

“Is he okay?”

“They want to run some precautionary tests to make sure there isn’t something we’re missing,” she explains as she moves around the side of his bed.

“Should I be concerned?” I ask as my voice breaks.

She gives me a small smile. “The doctor will be in to talk to you and the rest of his family soon.”

I look back at Jackson and bite my fingernail hoping nothing’s wrong. It’s been eight long days that we’ve been waiting. The doctors thought he would’ve woken by now and had been worried about some irregularity in his heart. Suddenly, I see Jackson’s hand move.

“Did you see that?” I ask excitedly. “He moved,” I say to her, but she smiles and looks away.

“It was probably just a muscle spasm.”

The nurse moves his IV, dismissing what I swear I saw. As she moves over to check the paper on his heart monitor, I stare, waiting for something to happen again.

Suddenly, a noise jolts through the room.

Beeeeeeeeeeeep.

The sound echoes and time stops. Then everyone is in motion.

“He’s crashing!”

“Jackson!” I cry out.

Nurses are running.

“Code blue!”

“What’s going on?” I push against the nurse who’s lowering his bed.

I can’t breathe. Doctors are barking orders, running into the room, but no one will answer me.

“What’s happening?” I cry again, trying to get to him. He can’t die. “Do something!” I scream and the nurse holds me back.

I fight against her. This can’t be happening. “Calm down, Catherine.”

“Get the paddles,” the doctor orders the people around him.

My stomach falls and I want to die with him.

Please God … I’ll do anything. Please don’t take him from me. I can’t lose him too.

I sob and clutch my stomach as she pulls me back further. “Jackson, please! Fight!” I call out to him. Begging. Pleading.

“Get her out of here!”

“No!” I try to reach him. “Jackson!”

They push me out of the room and my hands find the cold, glass door. The curtain closes, blocking my view, and my world fades to black.





White light.

All I see is the bright glow above me.

The haze of death. This is it.

I inhale and exhale. Fresh air. It’s clean and pristine like the radiant light above me. It calls to me? begging me to come.

The luminosity is beautiful and calming.

Am I ready to go?

I know what it feels like to be left behind. The pain of agonizing over the loss of a loved one. Watching them cry and fall apart because they wish it wasn’t happening. What will this do to everyone? To Catherine?

I draw a deep breath and wait for something. Hell, anything. Death is pretty anticlimactic. Where’s God? Where are the angels and shit? I figured I’d hear some horns or trumpets. “Taps” maybe? I’ve been gypped.

There are no sounds in heaven.

It’s eerie and tranquil.

“Fight, Cole!” I hear someone call out.

Fight for what? For the pain I feel?

No, thanks.

My heart stops and I feel the tension in my body. I try to draw in air but it lodges and I begin to gasp and choke.

Here comes the end.

“Charge to 70,” another voice speaks, and my mind tries to grasp what’s happening.

“Clear!” he yells, and a current tears through me.

There are no sounds. No one says anything as the beep registers on the monitor before I let go. I have no fight left.

“Push another round of epi!”

It hurts to breathe, so I stop trying.