Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(5)

“Raven is good. Danielle’s handling things well. I’ve released a few updates about his condition, and the shareholders seem to be staying put for now. There hasn’t been a dip in the stock either. I have a few people with ears to the ground if anything comes up. I cancelled my meetings with the press for next week. And pushed the launch off.” I feel her fingers brush my hair back. “I guess it’s a good thing he’s my job.” Catherine’s short laugh is followed by a sob. “God! I just sit here and look at him and ask the same question over and over. Why? Why is this happening? I’m so scared he’s not going to wake up. That we won’t have a chance to make things right and I c-can’t!”

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Mark murmurs, and her sobs destroy me.

Even though I can’t move, every piece of me is in pain.

I f*cked up.

“It’s not okay. None of this is okay,” she sniffles. “I thought we were going to find our way, Mark. I was ready to fight everything for him. Then he ripped me apart and he left me! He f*cking left and didn’t look back. I know he had to leave to handle the situation with Aaron. I wasn’t against him leaving for that … just him leaving me! There’s something else. I know it.” Catherine’s voice shakes in anger.

My mind is slipping as I try to keep up with their conversation. I struggle to focus but the sounds are blurring together. I’m f*cking drained.

“He has his reasons, Cat. You may not like them. Fuck, I don’t like them.”

“What reasons?” She sounds small and scared.

The exhaustion is overtaking as I fall back asleep unable to know what Mark will tell her.



Pain. The pain is back. It travels through me as I try to process what is going on.

“Okay, motherf*cker, I’ve been patient. I’ve let you lie here and not said shit. I’ve held her while she cried. I’ve called your family. Done everything waiting for you to man up. But I’m done now, Muff. Wake the f*ck up!” Mark’s voice interrupts my foggy sleep.

Oh, I’m awake now, dickhead.

“I’m so mad at you! You go and get shot in front of me. You always have to be the f*cking martyr. You couldn’t take cover like I said to? I told you to watch your six. Now look, you’re f*cking half dead.” Mark’s voice cracks on the last word.

“I’m not going to be the only one left here, *. You think you’re the only one here who lost them? I f*cking lost them too. So, what? You’re going to quit and make me carry all of it? No, you wake up and you deal with this shit too. I was on the same mission! I watched them get carried out. I heard the same f*cking sounds and lived the same hell. You weren’t the sole person responsible for them going into that village. I was there too,” he stops and exhales.

“I could’ve said we should stay together, but it was risky either way. Selfish f*cking * you are. I’ve let you be this self-sacrificing prick for long enough. You don’t get to be the only one allowed to hurt. There were six of us! Six of us who walked into that f*cking village and only three came out. There’s not a day I don’t think about them. I remember walking into that f*cking funeral watching Melissa grieve. Watching Crystal hold on to that flag. Now there are only two. So who carries the f*cking guilt if you die? Huh, you selfish son of a bitch? That’s what I thought. Just lie there and let me deal with this alone. God, you’re such a *.” Mark breaks off, drawing a few deep breaths.

I want to scream, choke, and claw my way out of my own skin. Selfish? Fuck him. He didn’t send them to their deaths. He wasn’t the one who had to make the call. I did. When I get out of this coma, I’m gonna kill him myself.

“And then what? You’re going to walk away from her too? Why? You need to get your f*cking head straight. I was there for that too, you know. I watched her almost ruin you. But Catherine isn’t Maddie. And if you’re going to do this to her then you don’t deserve her. She loves you for some stupid ass reason. She didn’t hesitate for a second to come running when I told her you were hurt. She jumped on a plane. Maddie wouldn’t have. But you don’t see that because your head is shoved so far up your ass. You forget the bad and focus on how this was somehow your fault. You’re not responsible for all the bad shit that happens in life. I swear to God, Jackson, you die and I’ll f*cking find you in the afterlife and kill you myself.” His own emotions become too much as I hear his breath catch.

I hate him in this moment because he says all this when I can’t defend myself. There’s no chance for me to tell him to shut the f*ck up. I don’t want to hear what he’s saying about Madelyn or Catherine. They aren’t the same, but he wasn’t there. He didn’t see it. He didn’t know that once again my decisions had consequences. No, instead he wants to tell me how I’m wrong? Mark better pray I don’t come around right now.

After some silence, Mark’s breathing returns to normal.

“Hey,” Catherine’s voice is close and soft. “You okay?”

“No. I’m not.” Mark sounds empty.

“Yeah,” she pauses and lets out a deep exhale. “Me either.”

How long have I been out? It’s like I’m in some alternate universe. Some Tim Burton movie where you think you’re being drugged. I’m waiting for dancing ponies or a talking pumpkin to appear.