Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(3)

“God, there’s so much to say. You have to be okay, because I c-can’t. I can’t live with knowing this w-was all we h-had.” Catherine’s voice tears through me. “I’d give anything to go back and never let you leave my house that night. I’d barricade you in my damn room. I-I’m so s-sorry, baby. Please be okay.”

She has nothing to be sorry for. I did this to her. I was a chickenshit. I created this doubt of how I feel about her because I chose to walk away. I didn’t want to destroy her, yet that’s all I’ve done.

“I wish I would’ve called you. Or come to you that night. Shit. But as soon as Mark called I came. I ran … to you, Jackson.” She lets out a shaky breath. “I love you and I’m here now. I just want to see you open your eyes, baby. It’s been too long since I’ve seen your eyes. I miss your smile, and your voice. I miss you being an ass, and being charming. I miss it all. Please, Jackson. Wake up, dammit!” she begs and sobs.

The sounds of her cries echo in the room. Each hiccup guts me. I can’t speak. Hell, I don’t know how long I’ve been out for. I’m obviously alive, but am I really? If this is death—I’m being robbed. There’s no white light or anyone calling me to another side. I’m lying here. Trapped in my own body, listening to people around me.

“Cat, come on. You need to sleep. It’s been two days and you haven’t moved.” I hear Mark’s voice. “He’ll wake up. He’s too much of a dickhead to die.” He laughs and her half laugh makes my heartbeat accelerate. The monitor beeps louder and they both stop talking.

This is complete bullshit.

“It’s been a while, Mark. Plus, I don’t know if I …” She trails off sounding hurt. Fucking eyes—open! “The doctors said his leg is in bad shape. What if he has to have another surgery? He barely made it out of the last one.”

“He’ll be fine. Remember who we’re talking about. Trust me, he’s been through worse than this. He’s just going to make us all suffer for a while,” Mark says, trying to reassure her.

“What if he doesn’t want me here?”

I shouldn’t have left, but I couldn’t stop. Rage consumed every part of me. My failure was all I could see. Catherine would be next and I will not allow it. I’ll break myself apart before I let anything happen to anyone else.

“Listen, Kitty, he wants you here. I know you guys haven’t been together that long, but he cares. I wouldn’t have called you and gone through the red tape if I wasn’t sure what you mean to him.”

“You weren’t there that night.” Her voice cracks and so does my heart.

“You have to understand him—he’s an idiot. A big, giant, f*cking moron.”

Catherine’s soft laugh stops her sniffles.

“I’d bet on him, Cat. He’ll wake up.” Mark is comforting her and I’m here helpless. I hear her muffled sobs and each part of me tears open—I hate hurting her.

I feel something against my bedside. It’s torture to hear and know what’s going on but not be able to talk or move.

Mark begins to speak in the distance. “I think you should get some rest at the hotel. Ashton leaves today, you could go with her—”

“No! Not even an option.” I feel her hands touch my hair and guide it to the side. “I’ll go to the airport to drop her off, but I’m not leaving until he wakes. And if he wants me to leave … I’ll … well, I don’t know, but I’m not leaving until he throws me out.” She sounds strong and sure.

I try again to open my eyes, give her a sign that I’m alive. But they won’t budge. Fuck this. I’m going back to sleep. Then I can stop feeling so weak.

I listen to the beeping, counting each one as my mind replays the shooting. Remembering the feeling of metal shredding my skin, the smell of death in the HELO, the blood staining my clothes and skin. I have no idea how bad my injuries are.

“Of course he wants you here. Why do you keep saying shit like this?” he asks.

He doesn’t know I walked away from her like I did. He doesn’t know the * I was and the dick move I made when I got the call. I went there and things happened so fast. I was ready to tell her everything. We were going to talk and figure our shit out. Then I got the call from Mark and I lost it. The failure of not being able to save someone else weighs on me.

“You don’t understand. When he left—”

“Knock, knock,” an unfamiliar voice says.

“Is everything okay? The last nurse was just here.” Catherine’s voice is strained.

“We’re going to give him a little more meds to keep him comfortable,” an older woman’s voice comes through. “He’s been having some irregularity in his heart rate.”

“Is he okay?” Catherine asks, sounding scared.

I’m fine. Just pissed off.

“Yes, we’re going to make sure he’s not in any pain,” the nurse explains.

“Jackson.” Catherine’s small hands caress my face. “I’ll be right back. I have to take Ashton to the airport.” Her lips press against my cheek and she leans in close to my ear whispering so only I can hear her. “I love you. You’re it for me, so don’t go anywhere.” I feel her lips press against my face again as the meds drag me into the black.