Becoming Calder (A Sign of Love Novel)(29)

Suddenly, a hand grabbed me, and I almost let out a shriek as the person began walking and I was forced to move with him, stumbling slightly.
"Shh, it's me," I heard Calder's voice say. My heart soared. I'd know that voice anywhere. I'd know that voice in the midst of a thousand clanging symbols, or in the deep darkness of a never-ending cave. It moved inside me.
I let out a breath and picked up my pace. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see." I could see his gentle yet mischievous smile in the dim glow of a nearby fire and his beauty slammed into me. My heart flipped. I wanted to groan and raise my face to the gods, calling out, "Why? Why did you make him so beautiful to me if I can never have him? Why? Why? Why?"
Calder picked up the pace and soon we were running, the breeze blowing in our faces as I laughed out loud, feeling wild joy in the moment. My lips had been on his, and it would probably never happen again. But I had lived it, even if only just once, and if that was all I ever had, I would hold it dearly, deep inside where no one else could ever take it from me.
We stopped, our breaths coming out harshly as we stood in the darkness. I looked around and saw we were right on the edge of the fruit orchard.
"Why are we here?"
"Our lesson of the day. Come on." He took my hand in his again and we walked through the fragrant, moonlit trees. The perfumes of the earth—the soil, the grass, and the sweetly scented air—surrounded us. Calder's hand held mine—gripped me tightly—spreading warmth through my body.
This. This was Elysium—not some far-off, fathomless place. This.
When we got to a small clearing in the trees, Calder sat down on the grass and I followed him. He lay back and pointed up. "Look."
I lay back, too, and sucked in a breath when I saw the stars, clear and brilliant in the dark night sky, glittering above me. "They're so clear," I whispered.
I felt Calder nod next to me. "This is far enough away from the main lodge's electricity and far enough from our bonfires. Plus, it's a new moon . . ."
We lay in silence for a few minutes, looking up at the sky full of glowing stars. I cleared my throat. "You're going to teach me about the constellations?" I asked.
"Yeah. What I know, anyway."
I nodded, looking over at him. The starlight provided just enough light that I could see Calder, mostly in shadows and highlights, but enough to notice his expression.
"So . . . you're not feeling strange about yesterday?" I asked softly.
He paused and I held my breath. "You mean the kissing?" I heard the smile in his voice. "I've barely given it a thought."
I snorted. "Well, gosh, that makes me feel so much better."
Calder laughed, turning his face toward me. I turned my face toward his and we looked at each other. An amused expression was still on his face before he went serious. "Can I be honest with you, Eden?"
I groaned, looking back up at the sky. "This is going to get worse, isn't it?"
Calder chuckled. "No." He sighed and was quiet for a few beats. "In the course of a few days, life seems to have become complex. The simple part is this," I looked over at him, and he glanced down at my lips and then seemed to catch himself as his eyes darted back to mine. He cleared his throat. "If I were just a boy, and you were just a girl, I wouldn't kiss you once like you asked." He paused and my heart dropped. Oh.
"Eden, I'd kiss you long, and I'd kiss you often."
Oh. Oh. I blinked and sat up. "That's supposed to make me feel better?"
Calder released a laugh on a breath, sitting up, too. "No. But I want it to be clear what we're dealing with here. We're attracted to each other. I admire you, and I like to be with you. I want to be your friend. But, Eden, nothing can ever happen between us. It's just the way it is."
I felt stung, angry, and bitter, the joy I'd been feeling just a few minutes earlier, fading. "My destiny," I bit out.
Calder paused, furrowing his brow and running one finger absent-mindedly over his bottom lip. "I don't know about that. All I know is life as we know it would be over for us if we gave in."
"Right. Thank you for being honest with me. I admire you, too, Calder. You're very . . . obedient." I felt angry. Angry with Calder? Angry with the gods for bringing me here and putting me within arm's length of this incredible boy? Why?
Calder furrowed his brow and then cleared his throat as he looked away. I suddenly felt guilty. I had meant it as an insult and he had taken my statement in the vein it had been said. In truth, I was just hurt and filled with bitterness at the unfairness of my situation. And here Calder was, a boy, practically a man, who was trying his very best to be honorable, to be my friend, my only friend.