Becoming Calder (A Sign of Love Novel)(26)

Her words shook me to my core. I had lived my life with the knowledge that a great flood would come and our community, Hector's people, would go to the promised land. I had dreamed of what Elysium would look like, would smell like, would feel like. I had secretly feared it even, wondering if it could possibly be everything Hector said it was. After all, he'd never actually been there. But I had never considered Eden might dread it—have dreams of her own that would never be fulfilled because of her role in the foretelling. I had even figured she looked upon her role as a gift, like the rest of us had been taught to. But clearly, that wasn't the case.
And yet . . . the gods knew best. Didn't they?
"That can't happen again, Eden." I backed away just a little bit. Eden's face fell and the blush seemed to deepen even more. She licked her lips, the lips I had just tasted, and I almost groaned, but caught myself.
"I'm sorry. That," she shook her head, "that was so very, very wrong of me. I'm sorry for putting you on the spot."
I put my hand on her arm; her skin was warm and soft. I removed my hand quickly. "No. I want to kiss you again, and I want to do it better. More than I'm willing to think too much about."
Eden's eyes widened. "Then . . . why? Why won't you?" Her eyes were filled with hurt.
"Because, you're going to be Hector's wife, Eden, and all of our fates are tied to that. I don't know what Elysium is going to be like. I don't know a lot of things." I put my hand in my hair and gripped a handful before bringing my hand down and continuing. "But what I do know is you're going to be his wife a year from today. You're going to belong to him. He'll never have it any other way." You'll never belong to me.
She pursed her lips and sat up and I stumbled back slightly. "Yes. I know. I count down the days. I count down the days of my freedom, which is a poor excuse for freedom, by the way. But it's better than what I'll have to endure against my will—forever!" She brought her shoulders back and straightened her spine. "It might be Elysium to all of you, but to me, it sounds like hell."
"Eden . . ." I said, but didn't know where to go from there. I ran my fingers through my hair again and stepped back as she pulled her dress straight and began gathering up her things.
"Please don't go."
Her eyes cast downward. "I think I should. I'm sorry. I've humiliated myself and said things I shouldn't have said and—"
"You can always be honest with me."
She finally lifted her head and looked at me. "I don't want to stop meeting you here. Or put an end to our . . . sessions. But, for today, I need to go." She smiled a small, trembling smile. "Tomorrow?"
I nodded my head. "Yes, tomorrow." I knew we were playing with fire before this, but now . . . it was even clearer it would be better for everyone involved if we put an end to our sessions right here and right now.
But try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to say those words. In fact, suddenly my desire to see her, to be near her was overwhelming. Her bravery stunned me, dazzled me. She had dared to dream beyond what someone else had ordained her destiny to be, beyond what even the gods had destined. And instead of that looking blasphemous or just plain stupid, something about it felt powerful, beautiful, brave.
Just like the bravery she had shown that day on the playing field.
As beautiful as a flower. As strong as a weed.
And something inside me felt like it had shifted, too, because I had dreams as well. In that moment, right there and then, I admitted to myself that I longed for more for my life and maybe those dreams were beautiful, too. Brave. I had always pushed that desire away, ashamed of it, thinking it sinful, selfish.
But maybe, just maybe, my own dreams weren't as sinful as I'd always thought them to be . . . somehow.
I watched her silently as she retreated. And somewhere deep down inside, somewhere where there were no rules and no limits, somewhere where only the beating of my own heart could be heard, love took root.
"Morning Glory," I called as she began to duck through the rocks. She turned. I walked over to her and handed her the rolled up portrait. It wasn't completely finished, but close enough. "Happy birthday." I smiled. And then against my own better judgment, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her, leaned in, and kissed her forehead. The sweet smell of fresh apples clouded my brain and I moved away, just a little bit dazed. Eden blinked at me and breathed out, giving me a small smile back. And then she was gone, and my arms were empty.

**********

Later that evening, after I had delivered the next day's drinking water around to the cabins, I saw Xander making a pass around the perimeter of our land and jogged out to where he was. When I slowed to a walk and joined him, he startled slightly.