Beautiful Broken Rules (Broken, Series #1)(74)

“Baby…” He laid his forehead down on my leg. “Don’t leave, I’m sorry I yelled,” he lifted his head and apologized.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jax.” I rubbed my hands down the side of his scruffy face.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I told you about my dad.”

“When you were telling me about your dad, it seemed like your moment. I felt that if I were to tell you about my parents at that time, I would just be one-upping you. ‘Oh, you lost one parent, well I lost two.’ You needed that private time to tell me about your dad. I honestly never talk about my parents anymore because of the way everything happened. I don’t even talk to Quinn anymore about it.”

He came up onto the couch next to me and pulled me into his lap. I wrapped my hands around him and kissed his neck.

“What happened when they died?” I instantly stiffened at the question. “Tell me,” his voice was kind but firm. No more beating around the bush.

This whole event is basically why I’ve become the way I have. My life since then has circled around that moment in a vicious cycle. I’ve never been able to step away from it. It’s why I created my rules, it’s why I haven’t been able to give myself fully to Jaxon, and it’s why events like this continue to come between us.

“My parents were divorced. My dad was remarried to Ellie, Quinn’s mom. That’s how we’re sisters.” He nodded his head because he knew we were actually stepsisters and not blood relatives. “Everything was perfect. My parents didn’t fight anymore, and I got Ellie and Quinn in the deal. Then one day, our principal pulled me out of class and told me my parents had died. Together. In the same car. My parents couldn’t stand each other, the last time I had checked, and they certainly didn’t just ride around in cars together,” I took a deep breath and he rubbed circles along my hand. “That was the day that I learned that people always leave. If they aren’t cheating on one another, they’re dying. My parents did both in the same day. It hurts too much to get close to anyone; I couldn’t risk feeling that kind of loneliness again. I almost didn’t make it out alive, and if it happened again, I know I wouldn’t.” I spoke all of this to his shoulder, too afraid to see his judging eyes.

He placed his hand underneath my chin and lifted it up. I’m not sure I liked what I saw on his face, but it was better than judgment. He looked like everything I just said made total sense, as if now he understood why I acted the way I did.

“Emerson, I would never cheat on you. You have to know that no other girl compares to you. There’s no reason for me even to need anything from someone else, when everything I want is here with you.” I nodded my head, even though I knew that he couldn’t be one-hundred percent sure. He hadn’t come across every girl. One day, he would get tired of my crap. “You have to stop worrying that you’ll lose me. There’s nowhere else in this world that I want to be. I love you, beautiful girl.”

I gasped at his exclamation. Love? When did we get to love? How could I possibly say that back to him? I had never said those words to anyone after my parents’ death. Not even Quinn or Ellie. Those words were permanent.

He grabbed both sides of my face and looked into my eyes. “Relax, I won’t say it again for a while. I just want you to get used to the fact that one day, when you’re comfortable with it, I’ll tell you every day, multiple times a day. I want you to know how much I love you every single damn day, but for now, I’ll just let you soak it in.” He kissed my eyelids, nose, and each of my cheeks. “Besides, I know you feel the same way even if you can’t say it. It’s not possible for us to feel this deep of a connection and for you not to. I can’t be the only one feeling this.”