Back to You(95)

For a second, there was only silence.
And just as she lost the battle with sleep, she heard his faint whisper. “Good-bye, Lauren.”
A few hours later, the sun was shining through his window, bathing her in warmth and light, and she finally opened her eyes. Lauren vaguely remembered having a conversation with him earlier that morning, but she wasn’t sure if she had dreamed it or not.
But she knew what had happened between them the night before wasn’t a dream, and she recalled every detail with perfect clarity, grinning like a fool as she buried her face in his pillow.
She stood up, grabbed her things, got dressed, and straightened his sheets, smiling the entire time.
And when she slid into the driver’s seat of her car, she closed the door, dropped her head back, covered her face with her hands, and screamed.
She had never done drugs before, but she could imagine being high felt this way, and she could understand why people got addicted to it. Her body tingled, she couldn’t stop smiling, and as she drove home, she alternated between wanting to close her eyes and melt back into the seat, or slam on the brakes, jump out of the car, and run squealing in circles around it.
On her way home she called Jenn to corroborate stories about where she’d been the night before, and when she told her what had happened, Jenn shrieked with excitement, ever the good friend, and offered to come over later to celebrate.
Lauren made it home, existing somewhere in a vacuum and functioning on autopilot. She cleaned her room. She baked cookies. She took a nap. She rehashed every detail with Jenn several times over. And that night, she called Michael.
But there was no answer. Nor did he answer her call the following morning.
Or that afternoon.
By the following night, she started to panic, thinking maybe he’d gotten into an accident, that something had gone wrong.
And just as she was planning her last resort, calling Jay to see if she could get a hold of him, she got his e-mail.
How he guessed he hadn’t made himself clear the last time they had spoken. That if he was really going to start over, he’d need some time away from everything in his past to do it—and that included her. He pointed out how busy she’d be with her senior year coming up, and he assured her she’d hardly miss him. He reminded her that he’d moved to New York to get some distance, and she needed to respect that. He ended the short note by saying that when he finally had everything figured out, he’d be the one to contact her.
But she never heard from Michael Delaney again.

January 2012
Lauren had just finished chopping the vegetables for a stir-fry when her cell phone rang. She quickly wiped her hands on the dish towel { display: block; text-indent: 0%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: e ry, bring over her shoulder before she reached across the counter and grabbed it.
Then she froze, watching Adam’s number flashing on the screen.
She stood that way, trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling in her stomach. She just needed a minute to get her bearings. Just a few more seconds to pull it together. Then she’d answer.
That’s what she told herself as she stood there, watching the number flash to the beat of her ringtone until finally he was redirected to her voice mail.
It was a spineless move. She knew that. Avoiding him wouldn’t solve anything. But she just needed a little more time to sort out her feelings.
Lauren closed her eyes and exhaled heavily as she put the phone back on the counter. Who was she kidding? There was nothing for her to sort out. She just wasn’t ready to say the words she knew she would have to say to him now.
Adam had invited her over for dinner the night before, and their date started off like all the others. Fun. Romantic. Comfortable. Essentially perfect.
Throughout dinner, as they’d talked and laughed, Lauren kept reminding herself that they’d been dating for almost two months. That he’d been more than patient. That he was a great guy and she was attracted to him and there was no reason to put it off any longer.
She held on to those thoughts for the entire evening, trying to convince herself she wasn’t about to sleep with Adam because she was desperate to distance herself from Michael.
But at the end of the evening, as they headed back to his bedroom, she knew that’s exactly what she was doing. When she weighed the fear of what would happen when she slept with Adam against what would happen if she didn’t put a stop to her growing feelings for Michael, her choice was clear, even if it was reprehensible.
As Adam touched her, kissed her, whispered the sweetest things in her ear, she clung desperately to the hope that once she gave herself over to him, it would become about Adam, about how much she liked him, about how perfect she knew they were for each other.