Back to You(91)

Too much. It was just too much. Lauren felt like she was pinned to his bed as she watched him.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
“I don’t talk about this with anyone.”
“But it’s me.”
He looked over his shoulder. “Exactly. You didn’t see me as the * everyone else did. And after hearing all this, how can you not?”
“Because it’s not your fault.”
Michael rolled his eyes and turned back to his shirts. “Here we go,” he said under his breath as he resumed packing.
“It isn’t.”
“You know, maybe I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hear this exoneration bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit,” she said, her voice gaining strength. “Your mother was the one who was unfaithful. Your mother made the choice. You were innocent.”
He slammed a folded shirt into the box, causing Lauren to jump. “My brother?” he nearly growled, his back still to her.
“Michael, you were eight years old. You were scared. Your brother was always your protector. How could you have known? And it was your brother’s decision to—”
“Look,” he said, whirling on her. “I’ve lived with this all my life. I’ve come to terms with my role, so stop trying to blow smoke up my ass!”
He whipped back around, resuming his folding in rough, choppy movements, and suddenly whatever was pinning her to the bed reversed its hold, catapulting her away from it.
She was off the bed before she’d even made the decision to move, ripping the shirt out of his hands and slamming it down on the dresser.
He looked down at her, stunned.
“I’m not blowing smoke up your ass! Don’t you dare say that to me! When have I ever lied to you? I give it to you straight all the time, even when you don’t want to hear it!”
He stared at her for a second before he dropped his eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
She placed her hand on his chest, and he lifted his eyes again. “You’re blaming yourself for other people’s decisions,” she said firmly. “It’s not your fault, and I’m saying it because it’s the truth.@ there"> shoulder”
He looked at her before he shook his head gently. She could see it in his eyes, that he genuinely didn’t believe what she was saying. And suddenly, it struck her why.
In that moment, she was overcome with such a rush of anger that it startled her.
“You’ve been conditioned this way because of her,” she said through a clenched jaw as she gestured angrily downstairs. “Because she made you feel guilty for it all. And it’s disgusting.” She was trying so hard to remain calm, but her voice was shaking with the effort.
“When your dad left, you lost a father because of her bad choices. She should have owned that! And you wouldn’t have had to call Aaron that night if she didn’t dump you off instead of being a mother!”
She was yelling now, but she couldn’t help it. She hated that woman. She physically hated her, with the full force of her entire body and soul. “When Aaron died, you lost someone too! She should have made right what she wronged! She was the adult! You were just a kid, for Christ’s sake!”
Michael was staring off over her head; his throat bobbed as he swallowed, and Lauren felt her anger waver.
She hated her.
But she loved him.
And he didn’t need to be yelled at over this. He’d suffered enough because of what his mother had done.
She reached for his hand, clasping it gently. “And the fact that she shut you out?” she said, her voice much softer but still shaking. “That was yet another awful decision that she made. She was wrong. Not you. You were the victim of all this, not the cause. Can’t you see that?”
He was still staring off over her head, but Lauren saw a muscle flex in the side of his jaw.
He shook his head in response.
That’s when she noticed it. The glassy shine of tears in his eyes, threatening to fall.
She threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around his waist as she dropped her forehead against his chest. Instantly, his arms came around her as he pressed his face into the crown of her head. She could feel his breath in her hair, somewhat unsteady as he fought to regain control over his emotions, and she tightened her hold on him.
She wanted to consume him, just hug him so tightly that he disappeared somewhere within her body, where she could protect him.
Where she could keep him forever.
She squeezed him tighter, planting a kiss on his chest, and suddenly the trembling breath in her hair became something else. She felt it hitch again, but it was different this time.