Back to You(102)

Like she already knew the answer.
Even at four, she was too smart to be lied to. “I’m not mad. I’m…” She took a breath. “I don’t know what I am.” Lauren fastened the beads around Erin’s neck. “But it’s nothing you need to be sad about,” she added with a reassuring smile.
When she had finished securing the necklace, Lauren sat back, watching as Erin looked down at her creation and rolled it between her thumb and forefinger. “Daddy never gets mad at me, you know.”
“Oh no?” Lauren asked, beginning to scoop the unused beads into a pile.
“Nope. He only gets disappointed.”
Lauren smiled softly as she took the lid off the bead canister.
“So are you disappointed then?” Erin asked.
Lauren sighed. “Yeah, I guess I’m disappointed. Hey, you wanna have a race?” she asked, trying to change the subject. “Let’s see who can clean up the most beads.”
Erin leaned over and scooped up a heap with both hands. “Daddy said even when he’s disappointed in me, he never stops loving me.”
Lauren forced another smile. “That’s true, sweetheart. Your daddy will always love you, no matter what.”
“Well then do you still love Daddy?”
Lauren whipped her head up. “What?” she choked.
Completely oblivious, Erin dumped two fistfuls of beads into the container. “Even though you’re disappointed. You didn’t forget to still love him, did you?”
Lauren was completely frozen { display: block; text-indent: 5%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: f29 as she stared at her.
“You’re losing,” Erin sing-songed as she dumped another handful of beads into the container.
She had to swallow twice before responding. “That’s because you’re such a good cleaner,” she said weakly. She attempted to scoop up a handful of beads, but she realized her hands were trembling.
“Keep cleaning, sweetheart,” she murmured, dropping her meager fistful into the container as she stood from her place on the floor.
“Where are you going?”
“Just…to the bathroom,” Lauren managed as she turned and exited as quickly as she could without drawing attention to herself.
As soon as she was inside, she shut the door, falling back against it as she reached behind her body to turn the lock. And when her chin started to tremble, she rushed forward and turned on the faucet, gathering the cold water in her hands and splashing it on her face.
She gripped the sides of the sink and lifted her head, staring at her own reflection.
Almost instantly, her eyes welled with tears.
Lauren had always wished Michael could learn how to let go of his past, to absolve himself of everything he’d taken the blame for.
But how could he ever forgive himself for this if she wouldn’t forgive him?
It was true he had absolutely crushed her all those years ago. But she knew now it wasn’t a selfish move on his part. It had actually been selfless. He had done what he thought was in her best interest. He was young, and he was wrong, and it was a huge mistake. But he owned that. So how could she keep condemning him?
Lauren may have been disappointed by his actions, but that didn’t change the fact that she loved him.
It had taken a four-year-old to make her see that.
She stared at her reflection as a breathy laugh fell from her lips.
And then she turned off the faucet and bolted out of the bathroom.
Lauren rushed past the chaos in the pre-K room and out to the vestibule, rummaging in the front desk until she found her cell phone, and before she had even made it outside, she had already dialed the number.
She paced in front of the day care center, her heart rate increasing with each subsequent ring.
Then she was directed to his voice mail.
She hung up, staring down at the phone for a second before she hit the button to redial his number.
When she was redirected to his voice mail again, this time she took a breath and waited for the beep.
“Michael,” she said. “It’s me.”
She paused, realizing she hadn’t thought through what she was going to say.
“I need you to call me,” she finally managed, adding quickly, “Erin is fine. I just…I really need to talk to you.”
She stood there for a second before she closed her eyes and exhaled, hitting the button to end the call.
The ball is in his court now, she told herself as she walked back into the building. It’s out of your hands.
And while that should have provided her with some level of relief, it only made her more anxious.
Lauren went back inside and helped the children clean up, and then she stood in the vestibule for the first time in two weeks to help with @edck you todismissal.