Back to You(101)

But now? He left because he loved her? That whole time, he had been in love with her?
She exhaled heavily and dropped her forehead to her knees as the first tears fell.
She meant what she said to Michael. This made it so much worse than thinking he just didn’t want her.
He loved her, but he still left her. And he never came back. Not even a second glance.
How could they ever move past this and start again now? How could she trust him? If he’d been able to crush her when he was in love with her before, what would stop him from doing it again?
And how badly would it hurt the second time around?

February 2012
Lauren sat cross-legged on the floor, stringing multicolored beads onto a thread of yarn.
“I found another sparkle one!” Erin declared proudly, holding up the tiny gold bead embedded with glitter.
“Lucky girl,” Lauren smiled. “There aren’t that many in there.”
Erin studied it closely before she held it out to Lauren. “Do you want it? Your necklace doesn’t have any sparkly ones.”
“That’s okay, sweetheart. You keep it. I’m almost done.”
“‘Kay,” Erin said, furrowing her brow in concentration as she attempted to get the tiny bead on her string.
As Lauren secured the last bead on her own necklace, she glanced up at the clock and then quickly threw a look over her shoulder toward the vestibule.
There was no way her luck would hold out much longer.
It had been two weeks since Lauren asked Michael to leave her apartment, and in that time, she’d had no contact with him whatsoever. She hadn’t called or texted, which was well within her control, but she’d also managed to avoid him at Learn and Grow, something she figured would be virtually impossible.
Most days now when Lauren’s shift ended, Erin would remain at the center playing with the late pick-up group. And she had started arriving in the mornings before Lauren, or else she would suddenly appear in the pre-K room out of nowhere on the days that Lauren happened to beat her there.
Granted, Lauren avoided the vestibule at all costs, so maybe they would have run into each other by now if she hadn’t been taking such precautions to prevent it.
Or maybe he was taking the same precautions she was.
Lauren felt like she had exhausted all of her courage in the past two weeks. First, there had been the argument with Michael. Then, the morning after Michael left her apartment, she had called Jenn. Lauren apologized to her friend for the outburst and admitted that Jenn had been right about everything, and that it was incredibly stupid of her to even entertain the idea of rekindling anything with Michael. She ended the conversation by assuring Jenn she had a handle on whatever it was she was feeling and that nothing would come of it.
Three days after that, she called Adam and told him she had some personal issues she needed to deal with, and because of that, she wasn’t in the right place to continue a relationship with him. He had been upset, but extremely understanding, which ironically only made it harder on her. Truth be told, a little piece@Well, le decision of her wanted him to yell at her for leading him on for two months. She wanted him to tell her to go to hell. But instead he told her he still cared about her, and if she ever changed her mind, he would love to try again with her someday.
It made her feel wretched.
After that, she just didn’t have it in her for another confrontation with Michael. And even if she did, there was nothing left to say.
“Is this long enough?” Erin asked, holding up her string of beads.
“Perfect,” Lauren said. “Tie off the end like I showed you and then you can wear it.”
Erin looked down as she worked her little fingers around the yarn, trying to make a knot. After a minute, she said, “I wanted to ask you to come over, but Daddy said I shouldn’t.”
Lauren stilled for a second before she gently cleared her throat. “That’s sweet of you Erin, and I would love to, but I’ve been very busy lately.”
“That’s what Daddy said.” She finished her knot as she sighed. “Maybe one day.”
Her normally bubbly voice sounded completely deflated.
“Hey,” Lauren said, forcing a smile as she ran her hand over Erin’s hair. “I still see you everyday.”
“But you don’t see Daddy.”
Lauren’s smile fell, and she turned toward the supply basket, trying to hide her expression.
What could she possibly say to that?
She took a small breath before she grabbed the scissors and turned back to Erin, cutting the excess yarn from her necklace.
“Are you mad at Daddy?”
Lauren lifted her eyes to see Erin looking at her intently.