BAD REP(129)

“Well, I've been officially suspended from Chi Delta.  Sorority Maysie has died a tragic death,” I muttered.

“What a bunch of ass hats!” Riley yelled.  I wanted to laugh.  Ass hats.  What a great name for them.  But I couldn't make my lips move.

Then just like that I was crying.  “I feel like such an idiot,” I wailed, covering my face with my hands, hiccupping as I tried to calm myself down.  Riley put her arm around my shoulders.

“Why in the world would you feel like an idiot?” she asked softly.  I dropped my hands into my lap and leaned my head on her shoulder.

“Because I actually thought those girls were my friends.  And because I can't entirely blame them for what they did either,” I admitted darkly.

Riley pinched my arm.  “The hell you can't blame them!” she said, her anger obvious.  I shook my head.

“No, Riley.  I get it.  What Jordan and I did was wrong.  And because I couldn't keep my damn lips to myself, my life is in ruins.  Everyone hates me,” I moaned.  Riley grunted.

“Not everyone hates you, Mays.  Stop being so dramatic,” she said harshly.

She got up and went into the kitchen.  She came back with a glass of orange juice.  I downed it in two gigantic gulps.  “I just wanted to be part of something, you know?  I really wanted those girls to like me,” I said quietly, feeling the tears prick behind my eyes again.

Riley rubbed my back.  “Babe, if they're so quick to turn their backs on you, then they aren't the kind of friends you want or need.  Why are you letting it eat at you like this?  Be relieved it's over and you can put it behind you,” she reasoned.

“I don't know that I can put it behind me,” I murmured, running my tongue along my lips.  My phone beeped in my pocket.  Pulling it out I saw it was another text from Jordan.  I deleted it without looking at it.

“Jordan?”  Riley asked and I nodded.  She frowned.  “Why didn't you text him back?” she asked suspiciously.

I didn't say anything, tossing my phone on the coffee table.  Riley reached over and smacked my hand.  “Hey!” I yelled.  Riley glowered at me.

“I know what you're doing, Maysie Ardin, and you need to snap the f*ck out of it!” she said, her voice hard.  My eyes slid away from her.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” I denied.

“The hell you don't!  Don't you dare sabotage a relationship with a great guy because you feel guilty.  You can't live your life worrying about what everyone thinks, Maysie.  Otherwise you'll be miserable,” she told me sagely.  I smirked.

“Easy for you to say.  You're not the one being bullied every time you step foot on campus,” I said.

Riley sighed.  “I know you don't want to hear this.  But damn it, this once don't close those ears of yours and listen.  Jordan Levitt is bat shit crazy in love with you,” I snorted.  Love?  I wasn't so sure about that.  Lust, yeah.  That I could see.  But why in the world would he love me?

“Maysie!  Why are you so down on yourself?  I had no idea all of this had eaten away at you like it has.  Please don't self-destruct.  Don't push him away.  He is not your dad!  He isn't going to turn his back on you the second you do something he doesn't like.  If you screw this up, you'll regret it,” she predicted.  She had called me out pretty succinctly.  She was right of course.  I was trying to lump Jordan in with my parents.  Expecting him to turn his back when I invariably disappointed him.  I knew that wasn't fair.  But my reaction was ingrained and hard to stop.

I was so mixed up.  I had just had the day from hell.  And some silly part of my kind of blamed Jordan for the mess I found myself in.  I was so mad at him for pursuing me even though he had a girlfriend.  I was mad at him for not breaking up with Olivia sooner.  I was also mad at myself for being led around by my hormones.

Riley sighed again, this time deeper and with obvious frustration.  “Just don't do anything stupid while you're all emotional,” she said, jabbing her finger into my chest.  I swatted her hand away.

My body and head felt heavy.  I was so freaking tired.  “Whatever.” I muttered, feeling an exhaustion that was bone deep.  I lay down on the couch, bringing my knees up to my chest.