Absolution(128)

He saw her as she was that day – lying on her bed, surrounded by photos and an empty pill bottle. His blood ran cold.

“I guess you have to hit rock bottom before you can start climbing again,” he mumbled. “I think that day was your rock bottom. It changed you. Just when I thought you’d maxed out on courage, you proved me wrong.” He sighed, running a hand down his face. He was too tired and too damn sober for a conversation like this. “You make me want to be a better person, did you know that? Someone like me, with all the crap I’ve done, when I’m around you, you make me feel like I’m better than that, that I can be more than just that guy.”

“What guy?” she frowned.

He held his glass aloft. “The guy who drinks too much. The guy who screws everything up. The guy who uses his fists more than his brain – that guy.”

“What are you talking about?” she mumbled, wiping her eyes. “Don’t you know how grateful I am? How much I love you for who you are and for everything you’ve done for me? I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you.”

He cringed at her choice of words. Maybe it was the whisky, or the late hour, or the fact that he was just so damn exhausted, but there was something niggling at him that had to be said, and after four years, now seemed as good a time as any. “If you blamed me – even just a little bit – because of what happened to you, I get it.”

Ally stared at him, dumbfounded. “What? Why would I blame you?”

“Because if I hadn’t been in the car, you would’ve been sitting in the passenger seat, right beside Jack. You would’ve walked away, just like I did.”

His gut wrenched as the words tore out of him. Buried as they had been for so long, it was terrifying and strangely liberating to hear himself say them now.

“It happened the way it happened,” she said, shaking her head. “That’s all.”

“But if I hadn’t been there –”

“You don’t know that. Maybe everything happened exactly the way it was meant to happen?”

There it was again – that strength, that courage. Acceptance. It was a loaded word.

He got up and crossed to the cabinet, topping up his glass with a generous measure. “Another shot?”

“No, thanks.”

He capped the bottle and sank down on the couch again, leaning back into the cushions. The events of the past few days were beginning to weigh him down. He glanced over at Ally, who had leant back in the armchair, looking the way he felt. They should get some sleep. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

Neither of them moved.



Ally picked up Jack’s hand, stroking his fingers. She had always loved his hands. They were large, strong and square – almost the exact opposite of her own. Right now though, they were limp and still, just like the rest of him.

Callum came back into the room with two polystyrene mugs of hospital coffee.

“Here you go,” he said, handing one to her.

“Thanks.”

Callum took a seat on the other side of the bed, sipping his coffee.

The morning had been long. Maggie and Jane had spent a couple of hours with them, but they had decided that having four of them hanging around in the small room, just waiting for him to wake up, didn’t make sense.

Jack’s doctor had visited about an hour ago, on his rounds. Apparently, he’d had a quiet night, his stats were good and they should expect him to regain consciousness anytime now. They’d been warned that he might be disorientated, confused and even nauseous when he woke up, but all of that was normal and should pass quickly.

In the meantime, all they could do was wait.



Jack’s hand twitched in Ally’s. She looked over his bed at Callum, wide-eyed. “He just squeezed my hand.”

Callum sat forward, watching him. Jack’s eyeballs moved erratically beneath his lids. Ally immediately reached for the call button on the pillow beside Jack’s head.

Two nurses obliged not long afterwards, all professionalism and calm. They confirmed that he was indeed waking up, but warned them that it could be a while before he came back to full consciousness.

Once again, they settled in to wait.

The minutes turned into hours, but eventually he began to show further signs of regaining consciousness. The call button was pushed once more and two different nurses arrived this time. Giving them room to work, she and Callum reluctantly retreated into the hallway.