Absolution(132)

“Dude. It’s gonna be a long night if you’re just gonna sit there staring at the TV like that,” Callum said.

Jack rubbed his eyes, not having the energy for evasive manoeuvres. Honesty came easily when there was nothing left to hide.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “She won’t talk to me, won’t let me explain myself, and it’s my fault – I should have told her earlier. I don’t know where to go from here.”

“She just needs some time.”

Time. That was how they had ended up here in the first place. Time didn’t always heal. Sometimes it wounded.

Jack stared at the coffee table in front of him. “I just can’t help feeling that I’ve run out of second chances, y’know? And if that isn’t bad enough, I’ve dragged you into this and now she’s not talking to you either.”

“You haven’t dragged me into anything,” Callum frowned. “I could’ve told her what really happened, but I didn’t. I screwed up too. You don’t have the monopoly on mistakes, y’know. We just need to give her time to work through this, then when she’s ready to talk about it, we’ll talk about it.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because that’s how it works. You don’t think this is the first time I’ve been in the doghouse do you?” Callum smirked half-heartedly. “You should know me better than that.”

Jack eased himself back into the couch with a grimace. “You’re not the one who dragged her out of the car that night – I am.”

“You’re right. I’m just the one who kept it from her.”

They eyeballed each other over the coffee table.

“I stand by what I’ve always said – it wasn’t your fault. You’re taking this all on your shoulders and you’re making some wild assumptions based on what might have happened,” Callum insisted. “I understand that you feel some sort of guilt over that – honestly dude, I really do. But taking into account the fact that the car was leaking gas and the very real possibility that it may have exploded into a fireball with her inside it, I would have done exactly what you did. You had no choice. When in the hell are you gonna let yourself off the hook for that?”

Callum’s words hit him square in the gut and sucked the air right out of his lungs. Hadn’t Ally said the same thing to him just recently?

“You were trying to save her life,” Callum said, leaning forward. “You did the right thing – the only thing.”

“I should’ve told her earlier.”

“Yeah, you should’ve. But what’s done is done – you can’t live in the past. You’ve gotta do what’s right for her, and you, right now. Leave all that shit back there, where it belongs.” Callum’s even gaze penetrated through the haze of confusion and self-pity that Jack found himself swimming in. “The only way she’s gonna get past this is if you do, simple as that.”

Jack took a deep breath, allowing the words to sink in. It made sense. Connections burst into life like a mini fireworks displays inside his head. Before Jimmy turned up, they were getting on fine and it was because he had pushed all the negative, self-pitying guilt to the back of his mind.

But then Jimmy turned everything on its head and she almost got hurt. Because of him. The fireworks dimmed and the void suddenly became bigger and blacker and far more frightening than before.

“All I’ve done is make things worse by being here,” he said. “I never should’ve come home.”

“For Christ’s sake!” Callum rolled his eyes.

Jack’s stomach spun in circles. Suddenly he wanted to throw up, but Callum wasn’t finished.

“Hey – you haven’t been here the last few years, you haven’t seen what I’ve seen. She needs you. She may not have said so in words, but she sure as hell has in every way that counts. She’s been different these past few weeks, and that’s down to you. Maybe you’ve been so wrapped up inside your own head that you haven’t noticed it, or maybe you just don’t know how bad it really was for her, but she has changed and I have no doubt it’s because you’re here. You’ve brought her out of herself more than anyone else ever could, including me.”

Callum’s blue eyes shone with an intensity that begged him to understand. Jack thought he saw something else in there too, something that looked a hell of a lot like sorrow.