12 Days of Forever(16)

The sex was… like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was sensual and erotic and all consuming. It was everything and nothing I thought a random hook-up would be. Xander could’ve taken control at any time, but he let me lead the way. He was patient and willing to submit to my desires. From the moment he took his shirt off, I knew that I was going to do whatever I could to get close to him. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to be the one who wiped the sweat away from his torso. I wanted to be able to feel his muscles flex because of my touch. Watching him in the mirror as I danced made my body tingle with anticipation of what he and I could be together. I wanted to know what he felt like against my body. If I could play that on rewind, I would. Just remembering that moment is enough to have me running back to his gym just to stare at the piece of furniture that withstood everything he was giving me.

I sit down in the center of the mall and people watch. From my vantage point, I have a clear view of the candy store, the mall Santa Claus, a hat store, plus all the kiosks that clog up the open mall space during the holidays. My fingers crumple the piece of paper in my jacket pocket. It’s my Christmas list and there are only two things on there: one for Harrison and the other for Quinn. I’m at a loss as to what I should buy for the twins or Katelyn. Fact of the matter is, I don’t know them well enough to shop for them. If I were still in New York, I’d probably send something from FAO Schwartz for the twins, but I’m here and I’ll be watching them open their gifts on Christmas morning. Impression is everything.

Buying for Katelyn shouldn’t be too bad, but it is. My brother spoils her, dotes on her. She mentions that she likes something and it’s in the house the next day. When he does stuff like that it makes it hard for my mom and me to buy her something special. And that’s my conundrum – what do I buy three of the most important people in my brother’s life for Christmas?

I sigh heavily as two ladies walk by. They give me a dirty look and for the life of me I can’t understand why. Do they not feel the holiday pressure? Maybe this is telling me that I’m not cut out for family life, that being single and living in an apartment in one of the busiest cities is all that I’m meant for.

I remove the tattered piece of paper from my pocket and roll it into a ball. I unroll and roll again just out of frustration.

“What did that paper do to you?” Xander’s voice startles me, and instantly my heart starts racing and my body takes me back to the gym… the weight bench… and his hands gripping my hips. He’ll never know this, but he left bruises. He marked me, and I enjoyed it.

He sits down next to me and rests his elbows on his legs. He turns and looks at me. I can’t maintain eye contact because I’m embarrassed about what we did, about what I did and how I left things. We hold each other’s gazes until I have to look away. I’m afraid if I stare at him too long, I’ll see something that might scare me, like the truth about our one night stand.

“I’m glad I ran into you,” he says.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” I can’t imagine why he wants to even talk to me.

“I don’t like the way things were left the other night. That’s not who I am, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t you either.”

I scoff. “It was me, I was there.” I play it off like our night together was no big deal. I don’t want him to see through me, to see the anguish I’m dealing with. The thought of him telling me to leave or him thanking me are other factors in me bailing as soon as he went to the bathroom.

He sits up, and shakes his head. “I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about how things were when you left.”

I turn slightly to face Xander and wish I hadn’t. Seeing him here like this and sitting next to me makes me wish the other night didn’t happen. But it did and now I have to pay the price. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. It never should’ve happened. I put you in a horrible situation, and that’s wrong. I can understand if you don’t want to be friends and avoid me like the plague until I’m gone. I promise not to make the holidays uncomfortable for you. I’ll be out of town in no time.”

Xander’s lips go into a thin line as he shakes his head. Disappointment masks his features. Who knew coming clean about being a psycho was a bad thing?

“Sometimes I think you talk too much. I don’t regret the other night. Yes, there are some things I’d like to change, but being with you, like that… I’ve never felt so out of control and completely calm in my life. You’re like this pint-sized hurricane that’s rolling through town, and I’m the weather man chasing the storm. I’m not gonna lie, last night was amazing — different, but worth it. You’re like a fantasy come true.”