Whisper to a Scream (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #6.5)(23)

Christina was gone, but my charge was not. Alexa needed me, and I’d pledged to protect her. My actions had placed her in terrible danger, and I refused to allow Shya to decide her fate as well.

Though she might not know it, I owed Alexa for bringing me purpose again. She needed someone to watch her back, and I intended to do just that.

The tequila burn brought a bitter smile to my face. It would always remind me of Christina. In some somber but beautiful way, I was blessed to have known her.

Feeling sorry for myself was easy. Rising above being cast out, that was going to be hard. However, if I didn’t find a way, the darkness would win.

* * * *

I know who I am now, even though my nightmares tell me differently. The guilt lingers. Perhaps it will always be with me.

I’m fallen, not evil. Love has been my greatest strength despite also being my weakness. It is a gift, sacred and pure. There is no purity in creatures of the dark. This is my greatest assurance that, as long as I will it, I shall never be one of them.

The ache is as sharp as it ever was. Losing Christina has never gotten easier. The pain haunts me now as if it were brand new. Time heals the wounds of the mortals, but for me, there is no healing.

If I were faced with our first meeting all over again, I would still dance with her. I would still love her. In that, I have no regrets.

I go on because I must. The memories and the wounds that I carry keep me encouraged. The war rages on, and I’m ready to fight.