Until the End (Sea Breeze #9)(47)

“I need to talk to her,” I said, ready to push past Jessica if I had to in order to get into the house.

“It’s Jax,” Sam’s little voice said excitedly as he came running around Jessica’s legs. “Sadie said he wasn’t coming back and he wasn’t her friend anymore. But he changed his mind!” Sam cheered and clapped his hands. “Want to come play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with me and Sadie?” he asked, staring up at me.

She was in there. She was playing with her little brother. Fuck. That didn’t sound like the woman I had accused her of becoming. God, what had I done?

“Go back to your sister. I’m sending Jax away. He makes Sadie sad,” Jessica told him, and Sam’s smile fell. “Is he why she keeps crying?”

His question was my last straw. “I need to see her now,” I said. I moved Jessica out of my way, then patted Sam on the head as I walked through the house looking for Sadie.

When I walked into the living room, she stood up from her spot on the floor with an army of turtles around her and backed away from me. “What are you doing here?” she asked, fear and pain shining in all over her face.

Her eyes were swollen and red. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and her clothing was stuff she had bought for herself. The hardest thing to see was her bare hand. I’d grown accustomed to seeing my ring on her finger.

“Please go. You’ve said enough. I don’t want Sam to hear this. Just go. I didn’t take anything that was yours, or at least, I tried not to.”

She wasn’t making excuses. She was worried about Sam.

“Did you do it?” I asked her straight-out. What I should have done first.

Her back stiffened, and she lifted her chin in pride. “You don’t get to ask me that now. The time for that is over. You need to leave.”

Dread settled in my stomach. A sickness began to churn. “Sadie.” I took a step toward her. “I should have given you a chance to explain. I messed up. But I’m asking you now. Did you do it?”

She backed away, putting more space between us. “Will you leave and not come back if I tell you?” she asked.

Not if she didn’t f**king do anything wrong! Not if she hadn’t been making out with my damn drummer. I was going to beg like a damn dog if that’s what had to be done, but I wasn’t leaving her if what I now suspected was true.

“No,” I replied.

She frowned and moved her gaze to settle on something else across the room. She didn’t want to look at me. “The things you said . . . You’ll need to leave. Regardless of my answer, what we had is over.”

She hadn’t kissed him. I could see it in the pain shining in her eyes as she stared at the spot across the room that wasn’t me. “He was high. He doesn’t even remember it, I don’t think. He never mentioned it. But two years ago at an afterparty . . . he grabbed me and kissed me. I kneed him between the legs after it sank in what was happening. I should have told you, but I was sure he’d never have touched me had he not been trashed and out of his mind. I decided that it would save your friendship and that since nothing happened, it was pointless to tell you. I see now it was a mistake.”

Nave had been in rehab eighteen months ago after he had hit an all-time low and almost killed himself with an overdose. He had been into heavy drugs back then. I didn’t doubt a word she had just said. It made complete sense.

“I’m sorry.” The words fell from my mouth, and even I knew it wasn’t enough. It never would be enough.

“Me too,” she replied, and finally shifted her focus back to me. “But you need to leave. It’s over, Jax.”

No. It wasn’t over. I wasn’t letting her f**king go because I’d made a jackass mistake. “I didn’t mean for you to leave. I thought I’d come home the next day and you’d be there. I thought—”

“You turned on me. You didn’t trust me. And I never want to go through that again. I can’t live in fear that something will happen again and you’ll toss me away without asking me for my side. I don’t trust you anymore.” She said the words and tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry. But you need to leave.”

I wasn’t leaving. I had to figure out how to save this. To save us. “Are you pregnant?” I asked, praying to God she was.

She stiffened, and her hands went to her stomach, answering my question without her saying a word. Finally she nodded. “Nine weeks.”

When the breath went out of me, I had to grab my knees to hold myself up. The relief and joy were spun with pain and fear. She was pregnant with our baby. But she wanted me to leave her. I could never leave her.

“If you believe it is yours and want a part in its life, I won’t punish the baby by withholding a relationship with its father. You will get to be as big a part of our baby’s life as you want to be. But we won’t be a family. That is a dream I can’t trust now.”

If I believed it was mine . . . Motherf*cker, she thought I still didn’t believe her about Nave. “Sadie, I know it’s mine. I should have listened to you and let you explain about Nave. I was just so damn hurt I let the picture and the note that came with it rip me open. I acted on jealousy and heartbreak. I was shredded by the belief that you had changed because of the life we live. I couldn’t think straight.”