Until the End (Sea Breeze #9)(49)

I could say no and we could sit here while Jax stood outside the door, but that might draw a crowd. I didn’t want more media attention. And if I admitted the truth to myself, I wanted to see if it was really him.

“I’ll get it,” I told her.

“Okay, um . . . I’ll just stay here. Unless you need me.”

I went to the door and opened it slowly, preparing myself for the fact that this might be Jason or just one of Jax’s message boys. But when Jax filled the doorway, my heart squeezed. He hadn’t left.

“I went to your mom’s and she said you were here,” he said, his gaze locked on me like he was trying to memorize my every feature.

“I thought you left,” I said before I could stop myself.

“You’re here, Sadie. I don’t belong anywhere else.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. “Why are you here? Now?”

A sad smile curved his lips. “You don’t have your phone. And I wanted to know if you’ve gotten an OBGYN here, and if so, when your next appointment is.”

He had come to Amanda’s to ask me about my doctor’s appointment. . . .

“Oh, um . . . no. I have to apply for Medicaid first. I don’t have insurance anymore, I guess.” I stopped there. Jax had paid for me to have Blue Cross and Blue Shield. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do now. I didn’t expect him to keep paying for it. Even if I was pregnant with his baby.

He scowled. “Even if I didn’t love you with every fiber of my f**king being, I would still make sure you had health insurance, Sadie. I know you think I’m some evil monster now, and I damn well deserve it, but I’m not. You will have the best and so will our baby. I love you both. You’re my life even if I’m no longer yours.”

My heart twisted at his words and I gripped the doorknob tightly in my hand. “I don’t think you’re an evil monster.” Because I didn’t. I wasn’t sure what I thought anymore, in all honesty.

“I called and got the name of the best OBGYN in this area. I can get us a private meeting with him at any time so you can decide if you like him. Just tell me what you want or need.”

He had been searching out the best doctor for me and the baby. My heart twisted some more.

“I’d like that. I need to see someone,” I told him. “Dr. Andredai confirmed the pregnancy, so I would need to get my records sent to the new doctor from his office.”

Jax nodded. “I’ll call him and have that done as soon as you’re sure what doctor you want here.”

He was talking like he was staying here. He couldn’t stay here permanently. “Jax, you’re not done recording the new album. You need to go back to LA,” I reminded him.

He let out a hard laugh. “Yeah, well, they can all f**k off. I can’t finish it now. I’ve got more important things in my life.”

“Your tour is in four months. The record has to release before then,” I argued. I had been with him through five album releases and tours. I knew how this worked.

“Tour needs to be canceled anyway. I can’t leave with you pregnant. I’m not going anywhere you can’t go,” he said as if this made complete sense.

“Jax,” I started, and he reached out and took my hand in his, stopping my train of thought.

“Sadie, you’re it. My life. My world. Even if you don’t want me or can’t trust me, you are still my reason for living. And our baby—I won’t miss one minute of that. I want to be by your side through the whole thing. We created a life together. I f**ked up, and I’ll live with that my entire life, but I won’t leave you. I’ll be here for whatever you allow me to be here for.”

“You can’t throw away your music career. That’s insane. You’re not thinking clearly,” I started to argue, but the lump in my throat was growing and I had to push it down.

“Nothing matters if you’re not in my life. Nothing,” he said, and took a step toward me. “You and our baby are all that will ever matter to me.”

At first I thought he was going to kiss me, and I was trying to decide if that was a good idea, when he dropped his hand then turned and walked away.

What was I going to do with him?

“Please tell me you’re going to forgive him,” Amanda said from behind me. I figured she would have listened in.

“How can I? What if he hurts me like that again? How can I trust him?”

Amanda sighed and wrapped an arm around my waist. “I understand. I thought after finding out my boyfriend got paid to sleep with women that I’d never be able to trust him again either. That was a lie I never imagined I could forgive. But I did. Because he loved me enough for both of us when I didn’t think I could love him anymore. Right now Jax is loving enough for you, him, the baby—which, I might add, I am ecstatic about that news. God, that man is pitiful. Come on, Sadie, give him a break.” She laid her head on my shoulder. “You’re gonna be Jax freaking Stone’s baby momma.” She giggled.

A smile tugged at my lips at her ridiculous description. Maybe she was right. Jax had never done anything like this before. We had fought, but that had always ended in really hot sex in crazy locations. This had been our first big one. And my emotions were so raw right now I wasn’t dealing with things right.

“I don’t want to love him. But I do. So much.”