Theirs to Keep (Tangled Hearts Trilogy #1)(35)

She nodded slowly, taking in the words and holding them like a talisman. Even as a voice whispered in the back of her mind that she didn’t want it to come. She never wanted it to come. What would it solve? And who would believe her if she could remember him? If she sought justice for what he’d done, if she could actually put a face and a name to her attacker, who would take the word of an amnesiac who had a tenuous hold on her sanity?

Damned if she did. Damned if she didn’t. All she wanted was to forget. Or rather not remember, since she had nothing to forget except those words. Such hate-filled words. Was it someone she knew? Had someone she’d trusted betrayed her? Or had it been a random act of violence?

No. It couldn’t be random. The man knew her. He’d said he wanted what he was having. Some other man. Her lover? Boyfriend? Husband?

Oh God, the idea of having a husband filled her with panic all over again. How could she commit to Cade and Merrick when she didn’t even know if she was already legally committed to another man?

Cade pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. It was purely comforting. There was nothing sexual about his hold. It told her more than words that he was there and that he wasn’t going anywhere and that she could get through anything with his and Merrick’s help.

She grabbed on to that silent promise.

“Let’s go home now,” he said gently. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day.”

She nodded her agreement. Just the idea of being back in the place she felt so safe bolstered her spirits.

Single file, her lodged between Cade and Merrick, she walked out of the bathroom. Once outside, they adjusted so they flanked her on either side as they strode toward the truck.

Merrick opened the door for her, and she slid into the front seat, next to Cade. Merrick climbed in back, and Cade wasted no time pulling out of the parking lot.

She sighed in relief and rested her head against the window, closing her eyes as they drove away from the beauty of the lake. Some things were more beautiful for what they offered. The modest home that Cade and Merrick shared was the most beautiful spot in the world to her. It stood for all the things she needed most.

Comfort. Security. Protection.

Love.

Her sanctuary. Her place to just be. No questions. No demands. No intrusion from the outside world.

Cade reached for her hand, but she didn’t react. He curled his fingers tightly around hers and squeezed. A simple reminder that he had her back. She squeezed back, sending him the silent thank you.

He loved her.

It was almost too much to comprehend. How could he love her? He didn’t even know the real her. What if he didn’t like the real Elle? What if the old Elle was someone nothing like the new Elle?

What if she remembered everything tomorrow and discovered she was a terrible person?

She couldn’t lose Cade and Merrick. No matter what or who she was in the past, it was never too late to be someone else. Was it?

Bone deep weariness assailed her. She felt as wrung out as an old dishrag. There was nothing more she wanted than to stumble into bed and stay there. She wanted to forget today ever happened. Wanted to wipe the dream from her mind and memory and to erase the horrible panic she’d endured when the police officer had walked her way.

Even now, a curl of nausea twisted her stomach into knots all over again.

When they rolled up in the driveway, she opened her door, desperate to be out and to go inside, close the door and shut herself off from the rest of the world.

She knew she was in huge denial of her situation. She knew that this wasn’t a long-term solution to her problem. But she wasn’t equipped to deal with her past right now. Maybe down the road. But not now.

“I want to go lie down,” she murmured as Cade and Merrick followed her inside.

Merrick touched her clammy face, frowning as he drew his hand away. But he didn’t say anything. Just simply nodded and then leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

“I’ll check in on you later,” he said.

She nodded and walked down the hall to the small bedroom she occupied. Not even bothering to undress, she crawled beneath the covers and curled her knees to her chest so she was in a protective ball. She pulled the covers to her chin and closed her eyes, praying she wouldn’t dream.

Chapter Twenty

MERRICK SAT IN THE DARKNESS, brooding silently as he listened to the rain patter against the roof. A weather system had moved in—a cold front—in the latter portion of the afternoon while Elle was sleeping.

Today he’d done something he’d never done. He’d cancelled a training session. Dakota had called, worried. And then Catherine had called on her husband’s heels. He’d known, though, that he ran the risk of being injured if he sparred because his concentration was shot to hell. He was focused on the woman curled up in the bed in the next room.

He’d checked in on her twice, worried that she’d remained sequestered in her room. But each time, she’d been deeply asleep. She hadn’t so much as moved from the spot she’d curled up in.

He didn’t know what to do or if there was anything to be done. He was tired of the patience route. He wasn’t one to sit around and spout psychological bullshit. Elle was on the verge of cracking, and he was helpless to do anything but sit and watch.

Maybe he and Cade were wrong to discount her fears of her past. It was easy to say her past didn’t matter and that they were her future. But the truth was, until they knew exactly what was in her past, they had no idea what they were dealing with.