Theirs to Keep (Tangled Hearts Trilogy #1)(37)

He hated the helplessness of the situation. His helplessness. He’d do anything in the world to help her, and yet there was no way for him to take away whatever private hell she was enduring.

His worst fear was of losing her. And hell, he didn’t even really have her yet. Not fully. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he hadn’t touched her sexually or made love to her. Fuck all that. He didn’t need a physical relationship with her to feel like what they had was real.

He didn’t have her fully yet because her past still had a firm hold on her mind. Though he didn’t doubt one bit her desire to commit to him and Cade, he knew she couldn’t fully do so until she’d resolved what had happened to her.

And he wanted her. More than he’d ever wanted another woman.

Realizing that it was likely she’d stand there in the shower in whatever daze she was currently in all night, he reached in to turn off the water.

When his hand closed over her shoulder, her skin was hot and flushed. Her eyes flew open, and she gave him a startled look before relaxing when she realized it was him.

“Come on, baby,” he said in as gentle a voice as he could manage. “Let me dry you off.”

He helped her over the edge of the tub and made sure her feet hit the bath rug so she wouldn’t slip. Then he briskly rubbed her down with the towel before wrapping her dripping hair in it and arranging it atop her head.

“I got you something to wear. Can you manage on your own?”

She nodded, nearly toppling the towel from her head. He righted it and motioned to the pair of sweats and the T-shirt on the counter.

“Cade and I will be in the living room. He made fresh coffee. Come on out when you’re dressed, and we’ll talk.”

She grimaced but nodded. Her arms had crept up to her waist, and she wrapped them protectively around herself as she stood naked and vulnerable to his gaze.

Not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable, he averted his eyes and then backed from the bathroom, though the image of her standing in the shower, water running down her sleek body, was still firmly imprinted in his mind.

Cade was pacing the living room floor when Merrick appeared. When Cade saw Merrick, he pulled up abruptly, his face a cloud of concern.

“What the hell is going on? You said she was sleepwalking. In the f**king rain?”

Merrick blew out his breath. “I was up. Couldn’t sleep. Guess I was worried about her. I checked in on her twice, but each time, she was sleeping soundly. I was sitting in the chair over there and heard her come down the hall. I called out to her but she kept walking. Next thing I know she’s out the kitchen door, through the garage and standing out by the street. I don’t even want to know what could have happened if I hadn’t been up.”

Cade let a vehement string of curses fly. “Maybe I should call Dallas.”

“That might be a good idea,” Merrick said grimly. “This is beyond my scope. I don’t know how to help her, Cade.”

Cade went quiet, his gaze moving beyond Merrick. Merrick turned to see Elle walk into the living room, her feet bare, and she was shivering.

Merrick was at her side instantaneously, his arm going around her. “Come sit on the couch and get warm.”

Cade was there with a blanket as Elle settled against the cushions. She tucked her feet underneath her, and Cade arranged the throw securely around her body. Then Cade perched on the couch next to her, worry creasing his brow.

“What happened, Elle?” Cade asked.

She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, they were swamped with confusion and fear.

“I don’t know,” she said helplessly. “I don’t remember anything except waking up outside in the rain when Merrick shook me.”

“Were you having a bad dream?” Merrick asked. “Think about it. Try to remember.”

She frowned, her lips pursing in concentration. “I remember a badge. And bright sunlight. It glinted in the sun.”

She broke off abruptly, her hand going to her forehead. Her fingers shook badly as she rubbed over her eye.

“Elle?” Cade asked gently. “What is it? What do you remember?”

Her hand slowly dropped, delving below the blanket to touch her hip through the sweats she was wearing.

“I remember the badge digging into my hip while he…”

Her voice broke off in a sob, and her hands flew to her face to stifle the escaping sound.

She hated the feeling of helplessness that assaulted her the moment she thought back on that awful dream—the awful memory. It wasn’t a dream. It had really happened. To her. She’d been violated. Held down, helpless, while a man forced himself on her. Had hated her. Had every intention of killing her. He’d tried to kill her. He’d shot her.

What could she have done to inspire such animosity? She couldn’t fathom that kind of hatred. Couldn’t imagine having done anything to deserve something that awful. But what woman did? No one deserved to be raped. It wasn’t a woman’s fault. There was no excuse for a man to violate a woman, no matter how angry he was. No matter what the perceived sin of the woman.

Logically she knew that, and yet she still couldn’t wrap her mind around it all. There had to be a reason, didn’t there? But no. Women were raped all the time for no other reason than a man wanted to exert his power, that he wanted to degrade and punish her.