The Program (The Program #1)(59)

“Where’s Realm?” I ask.

“He’s playing cards in the other room.” She brushes my hair off my shoulder, her face a portrait of concern. “You go see him, and I’ll get you some clean clothes for your shower. You should really take it easy today.”

I want to slap her hand away from me, but instead I just turn and hurry toward the leisure room. When I get inside, Realm immediately looks up, smiling around the pretzel cigar in his mouth. “Hey, sweetness. Didn’t think you’d ever get up.”

“I need to talk to you,” I say, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. Realm’s face drops, and he yanks out the pretzel and tosses down his cards.

“Hey!” Shep calls, but Realm is stalking toward me. He takes my arm, lowering his head.

“What is it? Are you okay?” he whispers, studying my eyes.

I cling to Realm, pressing my face against his chest. “They did something to me,” I say. His body is stiff at first, but then he relaxes around me, gently stroking my hair.

“How so?”

“I can’t remember yesterday. A whole day! They won’t leave me alone,” I tell him, and I feel the tears wet on my cheek, on his shirt.

“Sloane, you were sick. Why do you think they did something to you?”

“I just know.” I knot my hands in the back of Realm’s shirt, keeping him there, not caring as his friends call out to us—telling us to get a room. Not caring that I can feel the stares of the nurses. Nobody breaks us up, though, and Realm wipes my tears with his thumbs.

“Want to go outside?” he asks, a small smile on his face. “They told me you earned some garden time.”

“Why?”

“For being a good girl.” He grins. “Kidding. You’re getting close to release time. Everyone gets to go out when that happens.”

“Not you.”

Realm looks away.

“Wait,” I say. “You could go outside all this time?”

He nods, and I scoff. “Well, why haven’t you?” I ask. “You should be getting fresh air, not be trapped in here.”

“I was waiting for you,” he says with a shrug.

A smile pulls at my lips as I think Realm’s entirely sweet. That he cares about me. “You’re an idiot,” I say. “But that’s what I like about you.” The thought of actual sunlight fills me with so much hope that I jog toward my room to get into fresh scrubs. I’m going outside.

• • •

“This is really beautiful,” I say as we walk down the rows of flowers. The gravel pathway crunches under my sneakers, and in the light, true sunlight, Realm’s black hair is a sharp contrast to his skin. I think he’d look better as a blond.

“Hold hands?” he asks.

“No, I like my freedom,” I say absently, looking over the expansive lawn. I wonder if I could escape, but I see a tall iron fence just beyond the neat row of trees. My heart sinks just a little.

Realm is kicking at the rocks as we walk, and he seems down. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

He looks at me, startled. “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about when I’m out.”

“Soon.”

He nods. “Yep.” He turns to me then, stopping me in the path. “What are you going to do when you’re out, Sloane? Who’s the first person you want to see?” He smiles then, that adorable smile that makes me feel like we’re sharing secrets. Only out here it doesn’t seem so infectious.

I’m not sure how to answer because when I think of home, all I can see are my parents. A few random faces pop up, but they’re just classmates, none of them my friends. The loneliness once again overwhelms me, and I stagger back. Realm catches my arm and straightens me.

“Hey,” he says. “You okay? Did you remember something?”

“No,” I whisper. “And that’s the problem. I don’t remember anything anymore.”

Realm meets my eyes. “Do you remember me?”

“Of course. But I don’t know if they’re going to take you, too.”

“They won’t.”

I watch as he lowers his head, the black hair dye too dark—fake. “How do you know?” I ask. His throat clicks as he swallows, but then he glances up, smiling.

“Because you couldn’t forget me, Sloane. I’m way too awesome.”

I laugh, but it’s out of obligation. His joke doesn’t cheer me up or set me at ease. I don’t like the way he looks in the light. Everything around me is too sharply focused. I motion back toward the building.

“I want to go inside,” I say, turning and heading back. Realm runs to catch up with me, surprised, I’m sure.

“Sloane,” he asks carefully. “Are you mad at me?”

I furrow my brow. “No. Why do you ask?”

“You just don’t seem to like me anymore.”

I consider taking his hand then, but I don’t. I keep walking, and he falls behind a little. I have no idea how to explain to Realm that, in the light, he’s not what I thought he was. That I do feel different today. About him. About everything. I’m not quite sure why, but more than ever I’m desperate to go home. I’m going to play this game, beat The Program. I’m going to get out of here.