Nets and Lies(61)

“But you were doing so well. I mean, you had all the investigators fooled. Everyone believed you,” Jordan protested.

“Everyone but me.” That night with Will flashed in my mind, a nightmare I would never fully wake up from. I closed my eyes. “No, it was right that I had a breakdown. And it was right I went to the detectives and told them the truth.”

Jordan shook her head. “I can’t believe you really did that.” At my expression of surprise, she said, “I mean, with Will and your reputation…you had so much to lose.”

“Trust me. I know.” I drew in a ragged breath. “But I had to. I had to tell the truth, or I would never fully heal.” I smiled at her incredulous expression. “Sorry, I go to therapy a couple of times a week, and I guess it’s made me sound like a complete tool.”

She laughed. “Nah, you don’t sound like a tool. I’ve been going myself.”

“Really?”

“Don’t you think I need it?”

I opened my mouth to say something when her boss came over. “Really Jordan, you need to get back to work. I’m not paying you to sit around and talk.”

I leaned over and grabbed up my purse. I snatched a twenty out of my wallet and thrust it into his face. “I think I can buy a little more of her time. All right?”

He eyed the money before looking back at me. “Whatever you say.” He took it from me and then shuffled away.

Jordan snickered. “Damn, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on his face before.” She shook her head. “I misjudged you.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, I thought you were this mousy Golden Goddess who never did or said anything wrong.” She grinned at me. “You’ve got balls, chick!”

I laughed. “Um, I don’t know about that.”

“Oh, I think so. I mean, you went to the detectives and told the truth. That took guts. Knowing what it might mean to you, your basketball career, and….to Will.”

“He was the only thing on my mind…the only reason I wouldn’t tell the truth at first.”

“Jesus, I bet your therapist had a field day with that one.” At my surprised look, she laughed. “It sounds like the kind of thing my mom spent hours and thousands of dollars trying to fix. Her dependency on men, which unfortunately seems to be in my DNA.”

“I know. It just wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was the only thing I could think of at the time.”

“I understand. I mean, look what I did out of love.”

I stared into her dark eyes. “So you did love Coach T?”

She sighed. “Yeah, sure I did. I mean, it was some kind of sick and twisted love since I ruined the man’s life, right?”

“Jordan…” I began, but I stopped when she stared up at me with tears pooling in her eyes.

“Wanna know how f**ked up I am? There’s a part of me—a very small part—that still cares about him.” She wiped away the tears and shook her head. “I gave my heart to a married man who just wanted me for sex. But even after everything, after being tossed aside, called a slut and a liar, after having my car keyed, and even having threats on my life…I still care about the bastard.”

I reached across the table. Tentatively, I put my hand over hers. “You’re not f**ked up.”

A painful cry escaped her lips. “Yes, I am.

“Then I am too. Because I still care about him—as a coach.”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “But how after everything he did to you?” She lowered her voice. “I mean, you were a virgin, weren’t you?”

My throat closed up, and I fought to breathe. I gripped the edge of the booth as the night I promised Will to go all the way on the February break flashed before my mind. Regret radiated through my chest as the acid voice of doubt mocked me, “If you hadn’t been such an idiot, Will would have been your first. Not his dad!”

Jordan scooted out of the booth to slide in beside me. She grabbed my hand in hers. “Oh Melanie, I’m sorry. I should have never asked that.”

For reasons unknown to myself, her presence beside me was calming. Disbelief flooded me when she rubbed wide circles over my back, trying to comfort me. Air rushed back into my lungs, and I gasped. In and out, in and out, in and out—the breaths came slow and steady. When I turned to Jordan, tears streamed down her face.

“You didn’t deserve this, Mel. I got what was coming to me. But not you…not you!”

The words Dr. Leighton had made me repeat over and over slipped easily from my lips, although I’m not so sure I believed them. “Neither of us deserved it. He was an adult. He knew better. He should have controlled himself.”

Jordan smiled tentatively as she wiped her cheeks. “Sounds like someone’s been paying attention in therapy.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I should be getting gold stars before too long. Maybe you will too.”

As Jordan opened her mouth to respond, a good-looking waiter strolled up to the table. His expression caused a grin to spread across her face. “Sorry that you had to cover for me,” she said.

“Anytime,” he replied, with a wink.

When he was gone, Jordan said, “Yeah, well, maybe on the gold stars for me.”