Nets and Lies(58)

“Um, where can I put these?” she asked.

“Oh, on the table is fine.”

Lauren nodded and put them down. Then she sat down across from me on the love seat. The same eerie silence filled the room. Then she cleared her throat. “I, um, I’m sorry I haven’t been by.”

I responded by arching my eyebrows at her.

She flushed. “I meant to come by earlier.”

“But you didn’t.”

She wrung her hands together like she always did when she was nervous. It used to drive Coach T crazy during games. Whenever we were down, Lauren would run down the court wringing her hands. He would yell, “How you gonna catch a pass with your hands like that?”

When I didn’t say anything else, Lauren stood up. “Well, I guess I better go.”

“Why?” I asked softly.

She stared at me in surprise. “Because you obviously don’t want me here.”

I shook my head. “That’s not true. I do want you here.” I drew in a deep breath. “I also wanted you at the hospital…but you never came.”

Lauren slowly eased back down, her hands folding and unfolding over each other. “I’m sorry, Melanie. It was wrong of me not to come see you.”

“Breanna and Kara came. Even half of the cheerleading squad came to rah-rah at my bedside. But not you…not my best friend.”

She stared up at me with tears in her eyes. “Jesus, Mel, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know why I couldn’t come.”

“You were afraid.”

“What?” she asked.

I nodded. “You were afraid to look at me after you knew the truth.”

“No, that’s not true!” she protested, her hands rolling faster and faster.

Deciding to put her out of her misery, I crossed the room to sit by her side. “It’s okay that you were afraid, Lauren. I would’ve been too.” In a voice almost too low for her to hear, I said, “I’m still so damn afraid.”

She shook her head miserably, letting the tears flow. “No, you wouldn’t have. You would have been right there holding my hand, telling me everything was going to be all right. But not me.”

“So I was right in what I said? That you didn’t want to see me.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I guess I understand. I mean, every time you look at me, you’re going to think about him and what he did.”

“But why? Why do I have to think that?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Why do I think it every time I look in the mirror, or every time Will touches me?”

Lauren’s voice became strangled. “Why did it happen to you, Mel? Out of all of us, why you?”

That was the million dollar question I was desperate for an answer for. It was one that drove my need to seek help at Dr. Leighton’s office twice a week. But I was still clueless…except for blaming myself. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“But it’s not fair! There you were saving yourself and waiting until you were in love, and that bastard took it all away from you!” She shot off the couch and started pacing the room. “I want to kill him, Mel! I want to kill him for what he did to you, and to Will, and to the team.”

“I know. I feel that way too. I just hope he’s going to be punished.”

“Going to jail will never be enough. He deserves to fry.”

I gave a mirthless laugh. “Don’t you think it’s kinda funny that I’m sitting here all calm while you’re going ballistic?”

Lauren snorted. “Actually, I’m starting to think they must’ve given you a doggy bag of drugs at the hospital!”

My laughter slowly faded, and Lauren widened her eyes in horror. “Oh, Mel, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have joked about that. Of course, you’re on medicine. Who the hell wouldn’t be in your condition!”

I sighed in exasperation. “I’m not in a ‘condition’, Lauren. Stop acting like I’m freakin’ fragile, and I’m going to fall apart any minute.”

She held up her hands. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“And yes, I’m on anti-depressants. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I need them right now to try to keep unraveling.”

“I’m glad they’re helping,” Lauren said.

We sat in an awkward silence for a minute or so before Lauren drew in a ragged breath. “I really am sorry, Mel. This is new territory for me. I’ve read about…rape, and I’ve seen it in movies and on TV. But when it came down to it, I didn’t know how to handle the fact if it happened to you. I was such an asshat for not coming to the hospital. Most of all, I’m sorry that I keep saying all the wrong things and being stupid. Regardless of everything, you’re my best friend, and I love you.”

I smiled. “You’re not an asshat. And I understand. This is all new to me, too.” When Lauren began wringing her hands again, I asked, “What it is?”

“Why did you lie?”

My brows knitted together in confusion. “What?”

Lauren stared down at her hands. “I mean, why did you lie about what happened? With Jordan’s claim, it seemed like it would have been so much easier for you to just admit what happened.” She raised her head to meet my gaze. “Was it for Will?”