Nets and Lies(57)

I sucked in a breath. The dark, hungry look in his eyes assured me of everything I didn’t want to believe in his words. “But no matter how much I want you, I can’t.”

“Why?” I murmured.

“Do you really want to risk what we have emotionally by becoming physical with each other?”

A contemptuous snort escaped my lips. “I don’t know anything but having sex, Nick! I don’t know what it’s like to just date someone. I haven’t had that since middle school. Dinner and a movie? All I know is dinner and sex, and if I actually got dinner, I was lucky.”

“Then it’s time you learned something new.” When I started to protest, he shook his head. “You’re worth wining and dining, Jordan. Don’t sell yourself short.”

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “But all of this,” I motioned to my heart and then my brain, “I don’t know what to do about what I feel for you there.”

“So you do care for me?”

“Even though I’m confused as hell about everything that’s gone on in the last month, deep down I know that I’m falling for you.”

A hesitant smile formed at the corners of his lips. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear that.”

“Yeah, you really seemed like it in the kitchen,” I grumbled.

“This isn’t about rejecting you. It’s about something much bigger.” He drew in a ragged breath. “Because of what I’ve been through as well as well as the fact I’m in the Twelve Step Program, I’m not supposed to get involved in a relationship with anyone. You know, until I get my shit all straightened out.” He cupped my face in his hands. “I want you so, so much, but baby, I want my sobriety most of all.”

“That’s okay. I understand.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You do?”

Surprisingly, I did understand. I mean, I’d supposedly sworn off men to get my shit together—to find out who I was without them. Of course, I’d fallen off the wagon fairly easy and quickly to have feelings for Nick, but he wasn’t my usual conquest. Maybe I could actually be friends with a guy…maybe even date without having sex.

I nodded. “I’ve never had a friendship with a guy before. I really like what we have right now.” Glancing down at the worn wooden floor, I said, “It’s the best thing that has happened to me in a long, long time—maybe ever.”

Nick leaned over and cupped my chin. He pulled my head up to meet his gaze. “Really?”

I nodded.

“I feel the same way,” he said.

“So like you said, I don’t want to do anything that would complicate what we have. And sex would totally complicate it, right?”

“Sex is always complicated,” he laughed.

“Well, not if you do it right,” I replied, with a grin.

“Ah, true, very true.” His smile never faded as he shook his head from side to side. “Damn. We really have the worst timing in the world, don’t we?”

“Epically bad.”

“I really want to be with you, Jordan.”

“I want to be with you,” I said. “So how do we do this? Be together but not really be together.”

Nick appeared thoughtful. “I don’t know. This is all unchartered territory for me.”

“Trust me, it is for me, too.”

“How about this: We’re together as friends, but not officially together as a couple. But we’re officially together to where we don’t see or sleep with other people—I guess that’s more for you since I can’t do either one of those for AA.” Nick cocked his head and laughed. “I don’t even know if that makes sense or not.”

I giggled. “It sorta does, and it sounds good to me.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Motioning towards the table, he said, “Now let’s eat.”

Chapter Twenty: Melanie

After two more days, Dr. Leighton discharged me from the hospital. Despite everything that had happened, I was ready to leave. I wanted the little things like sleeping in my own bed or watching movies on the couch. But more than anything, I wanted to move on and truly pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

Even though I was returning home, I wasn’t going back to school—at least not for now. Dr. Leighton didn’t think it was in my best interest. She requested I have a homebound teacher at least for the month of March. Her goal was to have me return to school after Spring Break.

On my first full afternoon home, I was trying to catch up on all the school work that I had missed. I was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. After struggling to uncover myself from three textbooks and my laptop, I headed to the door. I threw it open, fully expecting it to be Will. But it wasn’t.

It was Lauren.

I almost didn’t recognize her since she was engulfed by an overflowing basket of wildflowers. Bobbing ‘Get Well Soon’ and ‘I Miss You’ balloons floated around her face. “Hi,” she said.

“Hi.”

We stood in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. Finally, I remembered my manners. “Would you like to come inside?”

“Sure.” Peeking her head around the balloons, she stepped past me into the foyer. She hesitated, trying to anticipate where I might go. So, I led her into the den. Without an invitation for her, I plopped down on the couch.