Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(79)

"I guess," Bella said. "I think I should call Charlie and see what's going on... he should be getting home soon."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Jacob said. "But let's finish this chapter first, okay?"

I chuckled at her description: crabby. There was an understatement. But she was dead right, as usual. "You are observant, aren't you?" I laughed again.

She smiled a little, the crease returning between her eyes as if she were concentrating on something.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" she asked after my laugh had faded. The casual way she spoke was as fascinating as it was frustrating. Could she really accept so much in stride? I was closer to shock than she seemed to be.

Both Jacob and Bella laughed at that one.

"Yes," I told her, and then, as I was about to leave it at that, I felt the same urge I'd had in the restaurant: I wanted her to know me. "I didn't want to leave," I went on slowly, "but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

I took a deep breath, and then turned to meet her gaze. This kind of honesty was difficult in a very different way.

"Why?" Bella questioned, but she knew that she wasn't going to get an answer to that.

"It makes me...anxious," I supposed that word would suffice, though it wasn't strong enough, "to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed."

Bella grimaced at this; as if Edward needed any more reasons to think that she couldn't survive without him near by... then again, having him nearby was a plus... so she wasn't too annoyed by this.

Then I remembered the scrapes on her palms. "Well, not totally unscathed," I amended.

"What?"

"Your hands," I reminded her.

She sighed and grimaced. "I fell."

I'd guessed right. "That's what I thought," I said, unable to contain my smile. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse - and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." Honestly, that didn't belong in the past tense. I was probably still irritating Emmett, and all the rest of my family, too. Except Alice...

"Three days?" she asked, her voice suddenly sharp. "Didn't you just get back today?"

I didn't understand the edge in her voice.

"She missed you too, you idiot," Jacob chuckled.

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" she demanded. Her irritation confused me. She didn't seem to realize that this question was one that related to mythology again.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't," I said. "But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see."

That distracted her from her mysterious annoyance.

"Is it really that mysterious?" Bella questioned Jacob.

"I don't think so," Jacob said. "But of course I have you right here telling me what your book self is thinking... um... at least you do when you can."

"Why?" she asked, leaning her head to one side.

I doubted I could come up with the appropriate analogy to explain this one. So I just told her, "I'll show you sometime." And then I wondered if this was a promise I would end up breaking. Would I see her again, after tonight? Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her?

Bella growled, really annoyed by that. If he didn't stop thinking about leaving her... Saying that his leaving proved that he loved her, she was going to scream.

"You might have called me," she said.

What an odd conclusion. "But I knew you were safe."

"What a jerk," Jacob laughed. "Of course only he matters."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"But I didn't know where you were. I - " She came to an abrupt stop, and looked at her hands.

"What?"

"I didn't like it," she said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. "Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too."

"Aww... poor Bella," Jacob teased.

"Shut up," Bella groaned.

Are you happy now? I demanded of myself. Well, here was my reward for hoping.

"He says that like it's a bad thing he got what he hoped for," Jacob rolled his eyes.

I was bewildered, elated, horrified - mostly horrified - to realize that all my wildest imaginings were not so far off the mark. This was why it didn't matter to her that I was a monster. It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me.

"And it's a horrifying reason," Jacob said.

Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences. Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top.

Bella cared for me, too.

Bella smiled.

"I don't think he's going to stop his negative thinking," Jacob pointed out to her.

"But it's still nice to know that I like him... and he knows it now," Bella said.