Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(198)

That's when he bit her.

Seeing this, knowing how close she was to death felt like I was being pierced with scalding hot knives. This video just made it that much more horribly vivid. Each blow felt like I had been fatally wounded.

As if it were my own hand, Alice reached out and pressed the stop button. I was thankful, I didn't think I could watch those painful moments when I thought she was possibly dead or dying, the memory was clear enough, no need to add to the agony...though I deserved it.

Alice and Carlisle began talking with each other about what they just saw. I pushed their thoughts and their conversation from my mind. I couldn't think about it anymore. It was bad enough she was lying here, broken, mangled...bruised...unconscious. Grief began weighing on my heart.

I wished, prayed, even that this was all just a horrible nightmare; that I could sleep so I could wake from this. My stance around Bella was a continuance of looking like a body guard in hostile territory, even though she was safe in this hospital. I felt the ripping of my heart, slowly being shredded.

Halfway curling myself up on her bed, I kept my face close to hers. Kissing her every minute, just to feel the warmth on my lips. A reminder of how precious the life was that was laying here in front of me. My love...my existence. Each second realizing that she was my life, without her I would die. Not only would I die, I would beg for it, embrace it.

Other thoughts swam through my already troubled mind. I couldn't keep her. To have her be in my life would be like keeping her in the line of danger. She deserved more than me...she deserved marriage, kids, a family...college. Each thought lashed at me, leaving angry lacerations. I couldn't leave her now, but one day I will have to leave her. It pained me to think it, to know it had to be that way, but that is the only way it could be. I loved her too much to damn her to this existence, to take away her soul.

Hadn't I already been selfish enough? Hadn't Bella proven how unselfish, brave, and trusting she is already? I kissed her forehead once more as hopelessness threatened to engulf me.

Hey, bro, it's me. Can I come in?

I sat up. Emmett?

"Come in."

He came bursting through the door with a smile on his face, which slid away quickly once he saw Bella. He noticed the blood hanging down and held his breath quickly, though it didn't bother him like it would Jasper.

"Here ya go!" Emmett threw a bag towards me.

Man, he looks bad. "Wash up. You look how I do when I get done fighting a grizzly." He chuckled.

"Thanks," I rummaged through the bag, glad to see clean clothes.

"Alice told me that Renée will be here in half an hour and it would probably be prudent if you didn't look like a train wreck." Another chuckle.

"Yes, I guess it would be best if I wasn't covered in her daughter's blood." I looked back at Bella.

I'll stay here with her if you want me too, Emmett added, coaxing me to clean myself.

"Okay, yeah. I'll just be right in here. There's a shower..."

"Yeah, yeah," he interrupted.

When I was in the bathroom I could feel the contacts slowly dissolving in my eyes. Having red eyes would probably scare her mother. I dug through my bag, hoping Alice would have predicted this. Bingo. Contacts. Thank you, Alice!

Before I put my new contacts in, I threw all of my dirty clothes away, making sure I kept the letter she wrote me. I turned the water on hot, hoping it might actually ease some of the tension and strain I was under. At the same time, I was looking through Emmett's eyes as he watched over Bella. Though he barely knew her, he was slowly learning to love her, to appreciate who she was. It was so easy to be in Emmett's mind sometimes.

I let the warm water trickle over my body, cleaning any remaining blood off of my skin. The water tinged pink for a few moments and then the luscious scent swirled down the drain. I could still feel a heavy weight on my chest, as if there was something constricting my heart from healing from the lashes that were constantly being engraved on my tethered and worn body. She was so close to death, so close to not living. Her heart...my heart was on the verge of never beating again.

Searching for her face, I found it instantly in Emmett's view. I sighed, turned off the water and began toweling off. Renée would be here shortly and I needed to look my best. Quickly dressing, I placed the contacts in my eyes, letting them obstruct my vision once again before I exited, relieving Emmett of his duty.

"Thanks," I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, it's no problem," he smiled, winked and then strode from the room.

Again, I waited by her bedside, holding her hand gently, caressing her face lightly. The blood that was slowly dripping in her veins had started to mix with her blood, the scent finally beginning to smell more like Bella. The luxurious, the delicious, the palatable aroma progressively growing stronger.

Then, there was a sudden awareness as I heard thoughts that were so overwhelmed with fear that they were producing nothing but hysterical ramblings. It had to be Renée. No one else in this whole hospital knew what it was like to love someone like Bella. She was different, amazing...wonderful.

The door flew open and I stood, the doctor hurriedly following behind Renée's ever impatient noises. Renée, completely ignoring my presence, flew towards Bella, though her touch was gentle, her sobs loving. Her panicking seemed to clear my thoughts.

"Oh, Bella. Bella!" she turned to face the doctor. "When will she be awake?"