Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(149)

She said nothing, she didn't even move, "Please?" I pleaded.

Finally she spoke, "Well," she began.

When she hesitated I thought I was going to go insane. The never ending silence of her thoughts was driving me over the edge. I was extremely frustrated. I tried to convince her to continue, "Yes?"

"You said Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon...Is that...marriage...the same as it is for humans?" she was blushing.

I knew she was blushing; the scent of her blood was heavy in her face. Her pulse was still racing. I took air in my lungs at her neck. I understood why she was blushing though and laughed lightly, "Is that what you're getting at?" I asked.

Suddenly, I realized what was different about Bella in one of Alice's most recent visions. Bella, crimson red eyes, arm in arm with Alice, a ring on her ring finger, a very familiar ring... my mothers. Bella interrupted my revelation. She began fidgeting, "Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I replied, "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires." I explained, still lost in my new revelation.

I was anxious. Is that what our future held? It looked peaceful, wonderful...but how could I take her soul? I wouldn't, I refuse.

"Oh," Bella breathed.

I was instantly curious as to why this was brought up, "Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I asked.

"Well, I did wonder...," she hesitated, "about you and me...someday..." her sentence trailed off.

I froze. She was thinking about us being married. I couldn't imagine losing control with her. I would kill her! I also knew I would never take her soul and change her. Alice had to be mistaken!

"I don't think that...that...would be possible for us." I said, very serious.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that...close?" she wondered.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply my accident." I explained to her, hoping she realized that I would never hurt her, therefore - I can never lose control.

I moved my hand to her cheek. The warmth only pressed my point on her breakable state, "If I was too hasty...if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She didn't respond. Her silence was unnerving. With every breath she took, I became more anxious, "Are you scared?" I asked, worried.

She still didn't respond. Had she gone to sleep? No, her pulse was still hammering and her breath was still staggered. I secured my arms around her, hoping to reassure her that I would never hurt her. She finally spoke, "No. I'm fine." she lied smoothly.

I thought about it for a minute. I had questions of my own now, "I'm curious now, though," I said lightly, "Have you ever...?" I didn't finish my sentence, hoping she would realize what I was asking.

She responded immediately, "Of course not." I could smell the blood rushing to her face again, "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

I instantly felt appalled for ever thinking that Bella was like a normal human.

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." I explained.

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed.

I tightened my arms around her again, and took her fragrance into my lungs, letting my throat burn in pleasure, "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I said, pleased.

In my whole existence, I had never been with another woman, human or vampire. I had never been this physically or emotionally close to anyone. I was grateful that I waited until this moment to be with Bella. Being with anyone else was unconceivable. The sensations I am feeling are incredible and worth the wait.

"Your human instincts..." she began, I waited, "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I was taken aback. Did she seriously think I found her unattractive in any sort of way? I laughed low, to not let Charlie hear. I moved one of my hands to her hair and lightly fluffed it up.

"I may not be human, but I am a man," I assured her.

Suddenly, she was yawning. I was keeping her awake, she needed to get sleep, "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

It broke my heart to ask her, but it always had to be Bella's choice, "Do you want me to leave?" there was sadness in my voice.

"No!" She almost yelled.

I laughed; I became light hearted immediately at her exclamation. I began humming her lullaby in her ear again. We laid there for only a few moments before Bella's breathing became deep.

Then, the talking began.

17. Family

When Bella first fell asleep, she was quiet. I held her in my arms and kept my face close to her neck. I continued to breathe deeply while I hummed her lullaby very quietly in her ear. Even in her sleep, she trembled at my touch. This moment is what I had always wished for when I was the peeping tom, and now, after everything I've done; spying on her, being rude to her, ignoring her, she invites me in and still wants to be with me. The thought sent pleasure through me. A feeling I couldn't get used to, yet I craved it more.