Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(147)

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie - Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie - was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" She scoffed.

I felt a sensation in my chest...she was jealous of me! It felt wonderful that she should feel that away. Irrational, I thought again.

"There's no competition," I smiled.

Her wrists were still in my hands and I pulled her closer, bringing her hands to my back. I held her to my chest. She was very still, and was taking light, even breaths. Her scent was amazingly warm and was oh so pleasant.

"I know there's no competition," she muttered into my chest, "That's the problem."

She thinks that Rosalie is better than her? Insane! If she knew Rosalie, she would understand that her beauty far outweighs Rosalie's!

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours...all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet." I tried to explain, to show her how much she means to me.

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered, still securely wrapped in my arms, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" she wondered.

"You're right," I chuckled, "I should make this harder for you, definitely."

I released one of my hands that was holding her wrists behind my back, and quickly grabbed up both of her wrists in my one hand. I brought my freed hand to her face then, and gently brushed her hair, moving my hand from the top of her head down to her waist. She trembled under my touch and it sent pleasurable sensations rippling through me.

"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity...what's that worth?" I asked.

"Very little - I don't feel deprived of anything," she murmured.

"Not yet," I replied, grief thickly covering my every word.

When she realizes her mistake, she will leave me, and it will be for someone who is human, someone who can grow old with her. She tried to pull away from me now, and I couldn't let her see the sadness that was on my face. I held her tightly to my chest.

"What..." she began to ask something.

I froze, because Charlie's thoughts were evident, he was going to check on Bella, She better be in her bed. Charlie thought.

I released her hands, even though it caused me pain to do so, and moved into a corner of the room where Charlie wouldn't see me. I suddenly realized that Bella had no idea what was going on, "Lie down!" I whispered fiercely.

She quickly wrapped herself in her quilt and lay down on her side. Charlie cracked open the door only a second later. I watched as she exaggerated each breath and I rolled my eyes. Charlie could tell she wasn't completely asleep either. He stood there for a whole minute before closing the door quietly. Bella never moved. Had she fallen asleep?

I moved swiftly over to her and I wrapped my arms around her under the covers. Her heart skipped a beat and then began speeding up. Her pulse was racing. I was instantly eager. I put my lips to her ear, "You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you." I breathed.

She trembled, and then replied, "Darn it," she whispered.

I held her securely to my chest and I began to hum her lullaby that I composed. I hesitated for a moment, "Would you like me to sing you to sleep?" I asked.

"Right," she laughed, "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't know you were here," she said, her voice snippy.

It was true; she hadn't known I was here. I didn't want to leave though, so I decided a compromise would be best, "So if you don't want to sleep..." I breathed in her ear.

I had other ideas...of things we could do, but I knew that my insatiable desires could cause me to lose control, especially if she were to embrace me back like she did this afternoon. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I lost control. I banished the thought from my mind immediately.

"If I don't want to sleep...?" she responded.

I laughed in whispers, "What do you want to do then?"

She hesitated for a moment, and that moment felt like a life time...if only I could read her thoughts.

"I'm not sure," she said timidly.

I couldn't make this decision for her, she had to decide...it was her choice; it has to always be her choice.

"Tell me when you decide," I replied.

I brought my nose to her neck and engulfed her scent. Daggers were being dragged down my throat, I was sure of it. The burning desire enthralled me. I slid my nose up her neck to her jaw, breathing in her scent, her incredibly appetizing scent.

"I thought you were desensitized"

"Just because I'm resisting the wine, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered against her ear, "You have a very floral smell, like lavender...or freesia, it's mouthwatering." I trailed my nose down her neck again, inhaling the sweet scent.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell," she said sarcastically.