Hold Me (Fool's Gold #16)(91)
“What’s going on?” he asked. “You wanted time, so I gave it to you. Should I have pushed harder to talk to you?”
“No. You did the right thing. I’ve been thinking a lot about everything.” She looked at him. “Kipling, I love you.”
His first reaction was to jump up and yell the happy news as loud as he could. Destiny loved him. Destiny, who was kind and funny and sexy and determined. His second thought was that if she loved him, she would need so much more than he had to offer. He’d been unable to protect his own sister from his father’s fists. How could he protect anyone else? Especially Destiny?
“I didn’t expect it, either,” she said wryly. “I had no idea. I’ve tried to be rational and calm in every situation. But that’s not who I am. I don’t have an answer to the nurture-nature question, but what I do know is that I can’t pretend anymore. I can get a little crazy. Maybe I don’t throw plates, but I’m not as rational as you think. I feel things. Deeply. And I’m not going to deny that anymore.”
“I like that you feel things.”
She smiled. “Good. Because we’re having a baby together. We have a lot to work out.”
He reached for her hands. “I want that. I want us to be a family, Destiny. I meant my vows. I’m in this for the long haul.”
Her smile faded. “I believe you because me being pregnant is yet another problem for you to handle.”
The unfair statement had him hanging on tighter. “It’s more than that.”
“I don’t think it is. You don’t love me back. It’s okay. You don’t have to. You like me, and we’re friends, and I’ve seen how you take care of your sister. You’ll be a good dad. Like I said before, I want you to be as much a part of my pregnancy as you want. I won’t shut you out, but I won’t be married to you. Not like this. I don’t need fixing. I need to be loved, and you can’t or won’t.” She squeezed his fingers before releasing them.
“Kipling, I want a divorce.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“YOU OKAY?” CASSIDY ASKED.
No. I’m pregnant, getting a divorce, responsible for my teenage sister and I’m quitting my job in two weeks. Destiny told herself to breathe then smile. The phrase fake it until you make it had never sounded so right.
“I’m fine. Ready to get hiking.”
She and Cassidy were heading out to map the last few areas on the grid. They’d already divided up the map. She figured each of the sections could be completed in less than a day. If everything went well, they would be done by the end of the week.
It was the Saturday of the July Fourth weekend, but neither she nor Cassidy had any reason not to work. Starr was with friends, and Destiny had no desire to sit home alone. Cassidy’s husband was half a world away. Mapping the grid was a perfect solution.
“Radio in every couple of hours,” Cassidy said as she collected her backpack. “I’ll do the same.” She grinned. “It would be humiliating for one of us to get lost.”
“Tell me about it.” Destiny picked up her own gear, and they headed for the door.
The timing of the work was perfect, she thought as she drove out of town. With everything going on, a few hours in nature were just what she needed to clear her head. She could enter data into the program and have a good cry at the same time. Because the tears were inevitable.
She could accept loving Kipling. She could accept that he didn’t love her back. She was totally rational about the whole thing. The problem was, the news devastated her.
Until she’d told him she wanted a divorce, she hadn’t realized how much she was hoping he was secretly in love with her, too. That he would turn to her, confess his feelings, and they would live happily ever after. But that hadn’t happened. She’d said she wanted a divorce; Kipling had nodded once, said he would get his lawyer on that, and he’d left. There’d been no conversation, no whisper of emotion. Nothing. A big, fat nothing.
While she knew that staying married was a mistake, she couldn’t help wishing that things had ended differently. After all those years of avoiding strong feelings, she’d finally gone and fallen in love, only to end up in an emotional face-plant. So much for acting rationally.
She pulled off the highway and into a rest area then consulted her map. When she’d confirmed she was where she was supposed to be, she got out and shrugged into her backpack then turned on the GPS tracker, along with her other equipment, and headed for the forest.
Time would heal, she reminded herself. She had a wonderful family and a baby on the way. Later, she would call her mother and tell Lacey that her wish for a grandbaby had been granted. This weekend she and Starr would continue to sort through Destiny’s songs and pick the best twenty or so to play for her mom’s manager. She would buy a house and get on with her life.
She had people who cared about her. She had good friends and lots of support. What she didn’t have was the love of the man who had claimed her heart. That hurt, but she would survive.
For years Grandma Nell had been the benchmark by which she measured her actions. Would Grandma Nell do that? Would Grandma Nell be proud? While Destiny loved her grandmother, she knew she had to shift her thinking. Making Grandma Nell proud wasn’t the point anymore. Now she had to learn to be proud of herself.
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