Highland Warrior (Campbell Trilogy #1)(110)

Caitrina looked stunned. “I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes fell on Argyll. “Thank you.”

“Thank him,” Argyll said with a wave of his hand toward Jamie. “ ’Twas he who paid the gold to see their crimes atoned.”

“Jamie, I . . .”

Before she could say anything more, Jamie took her arm and steered her toward the door. “If you’ll excuse us, I’ll see my wife settled in her chamber.”

“If you need anything else,” Argyll said dryly, “just let me know.”

Jamie threw him a quelling glance, but the amusement in Argyll’s eyes only annoyed him further. Oh yes, his grim cousin was a regular court jester at times. Argyll might be satisfied by the display of loyalty, but Jamie wasn’t.

The chamberlain had readied the third-floor chamber in the south tower—the one Lizzie used when she stayed at Dunoon. Fresh water had been brought up, and the few items that Caitrina had brought with her were laid out on the bed for night.

He quickly looked away from the bed and stood stiffly near the fireplace as the chamberlain closed the door behind him.

As soon as the man had gone, Caitrina moved to stand before him, her soft feminine scent clouding his senses. Would it always be like this—this clawing need for her? The inability to think when she was near? The feeling that if he didn’t take her in his arms and kiss her, he would surely die?

“Jamie, I’m so sorr—”

“My men will see to your return to Rothesay in the morning,” he clipped, cutting off her apology.

“Are you not coming with me?”

He heard the quiver in her voice but kept his eyes fixed on the wall behind her head, refusing to meet her gaze. The steel vise enclosing his chest tightened. “I believe you made your wishes quite clear. I will return to Castleswene. You need not fear that I will interfere with anything you wish to do.” His meaning was obvious: They would lead separate lives. His gut twisted. The thought of her with another man . . .

“But . . .”

“But what, Caitrina?” he said harshly, finally looking at her. “Is this not what you wanted?”

The stricken look on her face hit him square in the chest. He took a deep, ragged breath and forced himself to look away. I need to get the hell out of here. It hurt too damn much. Hurt to know how much he loved her, but that it wasn’t enough. She was grateful now, but he didn’t want her gratitude. He wanted her love and trust—her heart and soul. He wanted her to believe in him. He’d never cared what anyone thought . . . only her. He turned to leave.

“Please, don’t go.” His heart jerked when she pressed her tiny hand on the sleeve of his doublet. “It’s not what I want.”

“Maybe not now,” he said roughly. “But what about the next time we disagree or my duty requires something of which you do not approve? What then, Caitrina?” He couldn’t bite back his anger. Her lack of faith and quick dismissal of his love were not easily forgiven, but it was her response that had truly shaken him. “Will you send me away again?”

“God, I’m sorry, Jamie. I should never have given you an ultimatum like that. I was wrong to try to bargain with your feelings for me. I know that. But I was so scared at the thought of losing my brother . . . I didn’t know what else to do. Can you not understand that?”

Aye, he supposed he could. Hell, he admired her passion, her openness, the unconditional loyalty and love she felt for her family. He just wanted it for himself. Nor did it lessen the sting of the moment when she’d cast him and his love aside.

He heard a sound and looked down. Damn. Not the tears. He could take just about anything but the tears. His hand itched to wipe them away, his arms to give her comfort, but he forced them to his side.

“What if it were your sister?” she said softly. “Would you have been so understanding if the situations had been reversed?”

His gaze shot to hers. His mouth clenched; he might be willing to concede her point, but not all of it. “No, I wouldn’t have,” he admitted. “But I wouldn’t have asked you to choose.”

“Didn’t you? It felt like you were asking me to choose between my brother and you. Maybe if you’d told me of your plans, but I had to find out from the servants what you intended.”

He grimaced. She was right. He was used to making decisions on his own. “I’m sorry for that. Perhaps I should have explained more. But why are you always ready to believe the worst of me?”

“Years of practice. I realized it would be difficult marrying a Campbell, but when I realized I loved you, I thought that would be enough. It isn’t. Old tensions are not just going to die because I want them to, it will take work.”

Her insight surprised him. He couldn’t expect her to cast aside her prejudices just because she loved him. “What are you saying?”

He could see her hands stiffen at her side. “I want to know everything about you, Jamie. And if that means getting to know your cousin, I’m willing to try.”

Jamie stilled, completely shocked. “You’d do that for me?”

She nodded. “I do have faith in you. It wasn’t until your cousin tried to trick me that I knew how much. But it was always there.”

He felt a crack, hearing the vulnerability in her voice and wanting desperately to believe her.