Highland Warrior (Campbell Trilogy #1)(107)

His duty and loyalty to his cousin were the very things that bound him to her; they couldn’t be tossed off at will.

As she’d done.

A pit of despair settled low in her belly as understanding dawned. She’d driven him away, left him with no choice when he’d done so much for her.

The more she thought about the past few months, the worse she felt. He was one of the most powerful men in the Highlands, yet he’d married her when she’d had nothing. Without him, her clan would have fallen apart. He’d not only helped her reclaim their land, but had poured his own gold into rebuilding Ascog—the progress of which was incredible. They never could have done it without him. She didn’t have his experience or leadership. The Lamonts might not like him, but they relied upon him. And they still needed him if Niall hoped to reclaim his lands.

But it wasn’t just her clan. She needed him. As a woman needs a man, as a soul needs its mate. He was a part of her. He’d brought love back into her life, making her feel safe and happy when she never thought she’d feel that way again.

Brian’s question came back to her in a rush of guilt. What had she expected him to do? “I don’t know. I hoped to have some time, but he said that Niall and the others would eventually have to face what they had done and it was better now than later.”

She could see Brian’s frustration. He liked the idea of Niall and the others in Argyll’s clutches no better than she. “We have no choice but to go along with it. As long as Argyll is the law, your husband is right.” He gave her a considered look. “I suppose he must truly care for you to put your brother before his own.”

Caitrina started. She hadn’t thought of it like that, but Brian was right. Auchinbreck would be out for blood, and because of her, Jamie intended to stand in his way.

“And he must have been very certain of his influence to refuse you.”

“Aye,” she realized. He must have been.

She swallowed hard, a ball of emotion lodged in her throat, feeling the twinge of shame that came with a bit of perspective. Perspective that had been sadly lacking only a few hours ago. Had she been wrong not to give him her trust? She feared she knew the answer, and it might be too late.

“What do you think you can do by going after them?” Brian asked.

She leveled her gaze on her brother. “I don’t know. But I have to do something.” Both for Niall and for herself.

Caitrina felt as if she were racing against a burgeoning sense of doom. Every second of the journey seemed to toll against her as the certainty that she’d made a mistake grew.

She’d failed him. She’d gone to him for help, put him in an impossible situation between two conflicting duties, demanded something of him that he could not give, and then refused to trust him. Once she’d told Niall that she trusted Jamie with their lives, but when it came down to it, she hadn’t. She’d had a right to her anger, but she’d tried to use their love to bargain with his duty, and she deeply regretted her harsh words.

She couldn’t imagine life without him. She couldn’t forget that he was a Campbell, but neither could she forget what he’d done for her and her clan. Campbells and Lamonts might never like each other, but her love for him was strong enough to overcome the clan hatred. Was his?

Unable to shake the fear that he might have taken her at her word and would not want to see her again, she pressed forward in the saddle, urging her mount a little faster.

“How much longer?” she asked the dour captain.

Despite the growing darkness, she could see William Campbell’s frown. It was clear he disapproved of her last-minute journey across Cowal but hadn’t wanted to risk the displeasure of his laird’s lady. They’d set out shortly after midday and had made their way across the Firth of Clyde to Toward, where they’d exchanged the birlinn for horses and ridden about eight miles up the Cowal coast to Dunoon.

“Only another furlong or so. We should be there before nightfall.”

Her nerves, already frayed, set on edge. It wasn’t only Jamie’s reaction twisting her stomach in knots. She was nervous about coming face-to-face with Argyll as well.

She might not like him, but there was no disputing the fact that Archibald Campbell was the most powerful man in the Highlands. It was easy to hate him, but what if the truth was more complicated? Would he confirm her fears or lessen them?

She would soon find out.

Her pulse spiked when the path turned north and the shadow of an enormous keep came into view. The monolithic stone fortress poised on the hilly promontory overlooking the Firth sent a shiver of trepidation running down her spine. Trepidation that only increased as they drew near. Beyond the barmkin wall, the thick stone walls of the keep, crudely built hundreds of years ago, dominated the skyline and up close seemed all the more formidable.

Like its keeper.

The sight of the castle had tested her resolve. She felt a flicker of uncertainty. What was she going to do, throw herself on his mercy? That assumed he had some.

It didn’t matter. She would do whatever it took.

With a determined set to her shoulders, she dismounted and turned to the nearest guard before she could reconsider.

“Take me to the earl.”

Another man, who appeared to be in charge, was marching toward them and had heard her request. He greeted her, identified himself as the porter, and then said, “We were not told of your arrival, my lady. I will have a chamber readied for you and then will let the earl and your husband know that you are here.”