Her Destiny (Reverie #2)(29)

“Me? I’m fine. Doing what I do.” He blows off my words and I let it be. “It’s you I’m concerned about.”

“I’m not going to do anything to ruin Reverie’s chances to get whatever she wants. I’m here to encourage her not hold her down,” I say.

“You know what I see when I look at you?” At my shrug he continues. “Someone who’ll definitely hold her down. Hold her back. And that’s the last thing I want. So if that’s your plan, then you better keep on going. She doesn’t need you to come back into her life and f**k it up even worse.”

“That is the last f**king thing I want,” I say vehemently. “You can trust me.”

“Ha, right. Listen ass**le, I trust no one. Not after what happened. Rev doesn’t trust anyone either. Just…don’t hold her back. Let her do her thing. Go back home and let her finish school. That’s the most important thing for her to do right now. Get that diploma and move the hell on.” Evan runs his hand through his hair, looking irritated. The air of utter exhaustion that hangs over him is palpable and I wonder if he knows just how much I understand where he’s at in life.

Because I’m right there with him, minus a sister to take care of. Instead there’s a girl I want to take care of. A girl who means the f**king world to me. Maybe we can eventually share that duty or maybe we can’t but for now, I’m going to try my best to respect his wishes.

No matter how hard that might end up being.

Chapter Eighteen

Dear Diary,

(November 14th, 3:09 a.m.) I haven’t written anything in you in a long time. I almost threw you away because it’s embarrassing to read my past entries, especially the last one when I was drunk and realizing that my life was nothing but a bunch of crap.

Worse are the even earlier ones. Before I realized what was happening to my family. How we were splintering apart. I was such a fool. So naïve and stupid, believing everything I saw and heard for my entire life. It was all a pack of lies. The only one who was ever one hundred percent honest with me was Evan.

And Nick. For the most part.

He’s back in my life and I never thought that would happen. He walked so easily into my life and just as easily walked right on back out of it. I thought I did something wrong. I thought I somehow drove him away, made him fall out of love with me, and that hurt so much. Then I became angry and told myself I didn’t love him either. It was just a foolish lack of judgment on my part. Caught up in a summer romance with a handsome boy, that could happen to any seventeen-year-old girl, right?

But then he shows up at my work and my entire body reacted like he never left. My semi-rational brain told me to get rid of him and I tried, though I really didn’t want to. The way I feel about him confuses me. I want him but I shouldn’t. I love him but he’ll hurt me.

I don’t like the back and forth. The uncertainty. The wondering. I wish it were simpler. But life isn’t simple. I discovered that the hard way.

Nick is in my apartment now, at this very moment and knowing he’s so close, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t resist him either, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that going to him would be the wrong thing to do.

Guess what? I went to him. I let him pull me onto his lap. I savored the feel of his strong arms around me, holding me close, my hands on his warm, firm skin, my mouth on his. The boy can kiss like no other and now that I have a few to compare him to there is just…no comparison.

I came to a realization while kissing him. One that clung to me long after I left him and went back to my room. It’s why I finally dug out this old diary and decided to write in it again. I needed to get out my thoughts. My feelings.

I’m madly in love with him. I know it’s stupid. I bet he’ll break my heart again but I don’t care. I’m throwing myself into this for however long it lasts and I’m going to enjoy every second of it.

So here I am, confessing my love for him once again. It never stopped. Like it could. All I want from him is more. More and more and more until there’s nothing left for him to give. I want him to be mine.

All mine.

Evan will protest I’m sure but I don’t care. He can’t tell me what to do. I’ll finish school and see Nick when I can. And the minute I graduate I’m moving. Or I’ll convince Nick to move here. It sounds crazy because we’re so young but Mom told me long, long ago that once you know, you know.

And I know. I’m convinced Nicholas Fairfield is the boy…the man for me.

No one is going to convince me otherwise.

Chapter Nineteen

November 14th

I wake up and practically jump out of bed, excited to see Nick splayed out on my couch, which is dumb, I know. I need to play this cool, not act like an overeager puppy ready to slobber all over him.

But I can’t help it. Despite everything and how wary I still feel, I’m happy he’s here. That Evan didn’t kick him out. That I went back out to Nick after Evan went to bed and talked to him. Kissed him…

With as much calm as I can muster, I exit my bedroom, walking slowly down the hall like I’m some sort of regal princess parading for my royal subjects until I come to a stop in the middle of the living room. Only to discover the couch is empty, the blankets Nick used last night folded neatly and sitting on the coffee table, ready to be put away.