Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(23)

His words penetrated deep, bringing forth some of the self-loathing I’d buried. Tears filled my eyes, dark crimson drops that would never be crystal clear again. “It’s too late for that.”

Arys stiffened. He glared in the direction Kale and Jez had gone, and I knew he wanted to go after Kale. It brought out the defensive side of me that was deeply protective of Kale.

I fixed him with a deadly stare of my own. “No. None of this is his fault. He kept it from being worse than it was those first few nights.”

With a hand on each side of my face, Arys forced me to peer into his enchanting gaze. He searched me, seeking something in my eyes. I wanted to ask him if he found whatever it was he was looking for but decided I didn’t really want to know.

“You don’t belong with him, my love,” he said softly. “And as much as you think you need him, you know it’s true.”

Grasping his hand, I pressed a kiss to his fingertips. It killed me that he couldn’t understand what I was going through. The twin flame conflict never got easier. It got harder. So much harder.

“I don’t know who I am anymore, Arys. You are so entangled in every part of me. It’s like there is no distinction between us anymore. I do belong with you. I know it. But I need to still be me. I’m trying to do that.”

“And that’s why you’re losing your mind, my beautiful wolf. I know what you’re going through. And I know that if we’re not careful, we’re going to end up like Lilah and Salem and who knows how many others?” There was a pleading glint in his eyes as he tried to bridge the gap between us.

I nodded, watching with dismay as he wrapped my hair around a finger. I stared at the blonde strands, hating them, hating that they represented a different me. I didn’t know that person anymore. “I know. You’re right. I just need some time.”

With a bold and familiar manner, he touched me. Running his hand down my neck, my side, to my waist and back up, it was like he couldn’t believe I was really there.

“You don’t have a lot of time to find yourself right now. The FPA is all over you. They’re launching a hunt for you. Tonight. Briggs is issuing a capture order. There will be agents scouring the city for you, Alexa.” Worry creased his brow. Arys didn’t give the FPA a lot of thought. Clearly, he’d been talking to my sister to have this kind of info.

“Because of Sylvia. Figures. That bitch had it coming.” I wasn’t afraid of the FPA. I probably should have been, but Agent Briggs had f*cked with me one time too many. If he wanted a war, he would get one.

“I don’t care about that,” Arys insisted. His energy exuded his growing frustration. “All I want is for you to get some control over yourself and to stay out of the FPA lockup. Briggs is up to something. Something bad. You don’t want to go inside that building as a vampire. Trust me.”

I hated it when he was right. He was though. Briggs wasn’t entirely harmless. I saw what he did to Kale. Briggs had him driven damn near insane, and Kale still hadn’t come back from that.

“I’ll handle the FPA,” I said. “I always do.”

Arys shook his dark head, ready to fight me on this. “No, you always did. But now you’re public enemy number one. Briggs isn’t going to take it easy on you this time. Please, come home with me.”

His kiss was a gentle brush of lips on mine. Just like I always had, I fell under his spell. Being a vampire did nothing to change that. In some ways, it made Arys’s allure stronger. I was part of him, and I felt it in every speck of my being. But I wasn’t ready to accept that the one who killed me was inescapable. Never had I been so damn confused.

I cursed inwardly as a few tears broke free and streaked down my cheeks. “I can’t. Not yet.”

“Alexa, please. The longer you drag this out, the worse it gets for both of us. You know that.” The desperation in Arys’s plea cut like a knife in my gut.

“Yes, I do know that! But forcing me to do something before I’m ready isn’t going to help!”

My shout rang throughout the cemetery. It brought Kale back with a fury that scared me. He pulled free of Jez’s tight grip and shoved Arys and I apart.

“Back the f*ck off, Arys. Nobody is forcing Alexa to do anything against her will.” Kale shoved Arys up against a nearby headstone, and the two of them glared daggers into one another.

“Oh, is that so?” Arys taunted, wearing a nasty grin. “Try telling that to the FPA. Remember your time in lockup well, my friend? Because that’s what Briggs has planned for Alexa. He’s coming for her. Think you’ve got what it takes to keep her safe?”

I growled in frustration. “I don’t need anyone to keep me safe, you damn Neanderthals. I’m not afraid of Briggs.” Did these fools really think so little of me that they needed to fight over my safety as if I were helpless?

Arys shoved Kale back, his entire body brimming with pent up violence. “Briggs isn’t what I’m worried about. It’s what’s going to happen to you when that place gets inside your head. You can’t even keep your shit together now.” To Kale, he spat, “No thanks to you.”

I grabbed hold of Kale in an attempt to keep them apart, but he jerked free of me, his anger guiding his actions. “You have no f*cking idea what it’s been like. Keep your accusations to yourself. I’m the one cleaning up your mess.”