Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(18)

I might have been power drunk and too cocky for my own good, but I wasn’t stupid. “No, I don’t. You’re right. It has to stop. I don’t want to be one of the vampires that I’ve spent so many years hunting.”

Kale’s face fell. “That’s why you shouldn’t be with me. I can’t help you. I am one of those vampires. You’ve just never been willing to accept that.”

“Kale, don’t.”

We stared at one another until he let go. I finished dressing and ran my fingers through my tangled hair but gave up. So quickly we’d gone from mad passion to sobering discomfort.

“I’ll meet you back at the house?” Kale lingered, clearly waiting for me to leave the graveyard first.

“Yeah. I’ll see you there.”

Feeling confused, I got into my car and started the engine. My good mood crashed hard as I swung from one extreme to another. My emotions were scattered, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh, scream, or cry.

On impulse, I reached for my phone and called Jez who answered on the first ring. “Alexa? It’s about damn time you called. Are you ok?”

“No,” I said, crumbling at the sound of her voice. “I don’t think I am.”

I felt better after a brief talk with Jez. She promised to meet me the following evening. I needed to see someone who could talk me down from the ledge I’d been walking.

The rest of the drive back to Kale’s was spent wrestling with my inner demons. I took a longer route than necessary, needing the time to think. Or to try to stop thinking.

I missed the musky smell of wolf when I awoke next to Shaz. My wolf longed for the forest outside my house. She also longed to break free of this vampire form, to run wild through the night. It had been too long since my last shift.

The way my house smelled after a rain with the windows open. The sound of birds in the trees outside my bedroom. Watching my wolf and my vampire argue about everything from something as mundane as a sports game to something as serious as my life and death. All of these things I missed dreadfully.

The last time I saw Shaz, I had tried to kill him. Out of my mind on that first night as a vampire, I’d acted on instinct with no conscious thought to guide me. Would it be like that next time?

As I drove through the quiet streets, I tortured myself with questions that had no answer. What the hell was I doing with Kale? Did I think we could terrorize the city without repercussion? And why didn’t I care more about going so far off the rails?

This wasn’t what I wanted for either Kale or me. We didn’t belong together. I belonged somewhere else, with someone else. However, going home and expecting to step back into my life like I’d never left would be delusional.

Arys was being so patient. For the first few nights, I had expected him to come for me. When he didn’t, I realized he was leaving this entirely in my hands. It couldn’t have been easy for him. He was so headstrong and always ready to challenge me. Not this time.

Arys was giving me space because it was what I wanted. And yet, I almost wished he wouldn’t because, the longer I went without seeing him, the more certain I grew that without him I would continue this descent into madness.

After taking a few rides on the emotional rollercoaster, I was ready to get off. When I pulled up in front of Kale’s house, I was calm. I’d reached a place of temporary acceptance. My world had changed. I had changed.

I glanced at the house. A dim light glowed beyond the heavy drapes. Kale waited in there for me, and I would go to him. This time together would be short lived. I could feel it. This time of transition was important for me, even though parts of it hurt like hell.

I strode up the front walk with a purposeful gait. I left my emotional turmoil back in the car. Kale had enough of his own without having to face mine too.

The sound of the shower greeted me when I stepped inside. I made my way through the house, stripping off clothing as I went. Without hesitation I let myself into the bathroom.

Steam filled the air and fogged the mirror. The small bathroom was hot. Kale poked his head out the side of the shower curtain.

“Alexa, are you sure we should be—” he began, but I silenced him with a finger.

I stepped into the shower with him and placed my hand on his cheek. Peering into his eyes, I saw my own pain reflected there.

“Don’t question it,” I said. “We both know this isn’t our forever. That would be too easy, and people like you and me, we don’t get to take the easy road. So if all we get is a few nights of passion, we’d better make it worth it. Let’s make a memory.”

Before he could reply, I sank to my knees before him and proceeded to blow his mind in a way he would never forget.

Chapter Six

We spent the day in Kale’s bed, tangled in the sheets and each other. Trapped inside the house together, it was the best way to shut out the rest of the world. I lost track of how many times we made love. At some point, I even stopped thinking about Arys. For a while.

He haunted me. His voice echoed in my head, and I couldn’t always tell if it was real or a memory. Separation had never been good for us, even before we found one another. It was starting to eat at me. Eventually, it would drive me crazier than the bloodlust ever could. I knew. I’d seen it happen to someone else.

Being apart was going to break both Arys and I down. I could feel it already, threatening to take everything that was left of me until there was only him.