Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(21)

When I’d first decided to take over the blood den, it had been my mission to keep people from dying there, and more importantly, to keep them from rising as vampires. It was the last place I wanted to wake up undead. So naturally, that’s where it happened.

We ended up going to a lounge populated by corporate types stopping for a drink after a long day. While Kale blocked the door, I cornered a man in the washroom. With a little seductive manipulation, he was on his knees begging to please me.

I fed from his wrist, pausing when his blood hit my tongue. With my eyes wild with alarm, I turned to Kale. “Do you think I can still turn someone into a wolf with my bite? I don’t want to turn this guy, Kale.”

The guy was dazed, under my thrall and oblivious to what I’d said. Kale stood in front of the washroom door, brow creased in thoughtful consideration.

“My guess would be no,” he said. “A werewolf bite or scratch works like a virus. Vampires can’t carry anything viral. I think it’s a safe bet that you can’t turn anyone wolf anymore.”

“I hope you’re right.” It was too late now. So I pressed my mouth to the guy’s wrist and sucked hard at the bite. His eyes rolled back in ecstasy; he nearly fainted.

The last person I’d turned wolf was a woman for Shya. At some point I’d have to track her down, if he didn’t have her locked away in a cage somewhere.

Kale had to call my name a few times before I came back to myself enough to stop. It felt like something was missing. The need to take everything my victim had to give was a demand that it pained me to deny.

“Why does it hurt so f*cking much?” I gasped, clutching the wrist in my grasp as if I couldn’t bear to let go. “I just want to kill him, after I make him beg.”

“I know you do.” Kale’s tone rang hollow. He watched me with a longing I’d seen before. He was fighting hard not to slip into the kill zone I was already in. “You don’t have to though. You’re the one in control here.”

Was I? My harsh bark of laughter echoed. I eyed the man’s throat, finding my gaze drawn to the pulse beating there. Kale intervened then, pulling me away and shaking some sense back into me.

Instead of feeling proud of my small success, I was conflicted, both disgusted by the way I’d so easily commanded the man and also kind of invigorated by it. I’d managed to scratch my itch, but it was lacking. I’d once heard Kale describe a feed without the kill as sex without the orgasm. Still good but not even close to great. Missing a vital component.

“Stop beating yourself up,” Kale admonished as we drove to the cemetery where we were to meet Jez. “You did good. You didn’t kill him.”

“Only because you were there.” I slumped in my seat, resting my forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window. “It feels like something is missing. How the hell do you keep from killing the willing victims at the Kiss?”

We rolled to a stop at a red light, and Kale slid a glance my way. “It ain’t easy. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m not always in control, especially these days. It helps to let yourself go once in a while. I try not to do it in the club if I can help it.”

“I don’t know if I can do this. I’m not supposed to be hunting them, Kale. I’m supposed to be helping.” Lost. Again I felt so damn lost.

“You’ll find yourself again,” he said, mouth set in a firm line of determination. “I promise.”

A bitter laugh fell from my lips. With grim amusement I was reminded of something I’d done. “You know, I asked Shaz and Kylarai to kill me if I ended up this way. If that happens, if I can’t handle this, then Willow’s sacrifice for me will have been for nothing.”

The light turned green, and Kale floored it. The Camaro’s engine roared as the car surged forward with a squeal of tires.

“Shaz is not going to kill you. He’s a strong wolf with a mean right hook, but he doesn’t have it in him to do that. And don’t even worry about letting Willow down. You’ve done a lot of good. Do you have any idea how many people you saved just by throwing a wrench in Shya’s plans?”

All I heard was right hook. My jaw dropped. “Did Shaz hit you too?”

“He took a shot. Said he owed me one. Can’t really argue with that.” Kale shrugged it off with a chuckle.

I was still staring at him in dismay when we reached the cemetery. I tried to put it out of my mind and instead focus on Jez. Seeing her would be good for me.

We crossed through the graveyard, stepping between headstones and ducking overhanging branches. The dizzying scent of shifter drew me straight to Jez. It was a delicious aroma with a spicy musk I’d never noticed before.

For a moment I doubted myself. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. Suck it up, bitch, I reprimanded myself.

When I pushed through a patch of trees and found her standing there with a nervous smile, I forgot about everything but how happy I was to reconnect with my dear friend after several days of hell.

Jez’s face lit up at the sight of me though I could see her watchful feline gaze taking in every inch of me, lingering on my face.

“Damn, Lex, it’s so good to see you,” she gushed, taking a few steps forward. Absolutely fearless, she grabbed me in a hug and squeezed. “I’ve been worried about you.”

I hesitated for just a moment before hugging her back. At such close proximity her scent was even stronger but now tainted with cigarette smoke. However, I was also able to pick out the drugs moving through her system, faint but there. If anyone should be worried, it should be me. Jez wasn’t staying clean because Kale and I were too busy terrorizing the city when we should be taking care of her.