Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(20)

Whether I liked it or not, Kale was my second. He was so much more than that really. Being the most powerful vampire in the city was going to come at a price. I needed to accept help where I could find it.

“There’s one thing you can do,” I said, rolling him over onto his back so I could climb atop him.

A mischievous grin lit up his face. Raw longing filled his touch as he gripped my waist and slid his hands up to my breasts. “At your service, my queen.”

“No, not that,” I laughed. “Well, yes, that, but that’s not what I was talking about. I’m supposed to meet Jez after sunset. Come with me? You know, just in case.”

“Of course. Sometimes it’s easier with people you love. Because you don’t really want to hurt them.” He sat up to kiss me, a tender melding of our mouths that rubbed my emotions raw. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated?

I had to laugh at the absurdity of what he’d said. “You’re kidding, right? That’s not how it works for our kind. If anything, we want very much to hurt the people we love. Our entire relationship is built on it.”

Kale shook his head and put his arms around me. I sat naked in his lap, unbearably aware of our closeness. “It doesn’t have to be that way with everyone,” he said. “It won’t be. Not always. I promise.”

I flashed back to the night I awoke at The Wicked Kiss. When Shaz walked in the door, I’d attacked him without a second thought. Taking him down had been swift and easy. If Arys hadn’t been there, I would’ve killed him.

“But how can you say that?” With my arms around Kale’s neck, I let him see the fear and uncertainty I harbored. “You attacked Jez. After five hundred years of practicing self control, you still did it.”

Guilt flashed through him, and he gave a halfhearted shrug. “Yeah, I did. I really f*cked up. But you’re better than me, better than all of us. You have something no other vampire has. You’re a Hound of God. A creature of the light. This is all just a stepping stone for you, Alexa.”

Being both light and dark didn’t make me any less dangerous than anyone else. If anything, it was the opposite. The mood swings between Hound and vampire made me too unpredictable.

Kale was so much more than I would ever deserve. His insistence was genuine, yet I knew the truth. “Maybe. But maybe not. There’s always a chance that I’ll hurt someone I love. Isn’t there?”

“I’m sorry.”

Shaz was only one of many people I feared hurting. However, it was the baby that one of my best friends carried that sunk my heart into the depths of despair. I would never be able to trust myself around Kylarai.

“Don’t be,” I muttered. “There’s nobody to blame but myself. I chose this. It’s all on me.”

Kale pressed silent kisses to my cheek, my chin, and finally my lips. He hurt for me, sharing in my pain. “I feel like an * because I’m not more sorry. I don’t want this for you, but it would’ve killed me if you’d died.”

“How can you say that?” I mumbled between intoxicating kisses that caused heat to pool in my groin. “I wouldn’t have been here to torment you like this.”

I gently nipped his bottom lip. In response, he groaned and grew hard between my legs. “I’m willing to suffer if it means that you’re not dead. As love/hate as things have been between us recently, I’ll always love you more than I could ever hate you.”

Finished with talking, I rose up just enough to take him inside me. Face to face in the middle of the bed, we made slow, gentle love. No further words were necessary. We spoke in touches and looks, in soft murmurs and blissful cries.

When the sun descended beyond the horizon, we managed to disentangle ourselves. I wasn’t real thrilled about it though I knew that seeing Jez was important for me. And I wasn’t the only one who needed it. Jez had her own issues, and I refused to abandon her when she needed me most.

I got ready quickly, slipping into jeans and a V neck t-shirt. My eye makeup was put on in a rush. After dragging a brush through my tousled hair, I messaged Jez to ensure she was still coming. When she confirmed, I felt the first shot of anxious adrenaline. I could do this.

“Ready?” Kale asked when I joined him in the living room. “We should hunt first. It’s safer that way.”

“I don’t want to kill anyone,” I blurted as an overwhelming surge of emotion flooded me. These mood swings were going to wreck me.

“Wicked Kiss?” With a brow raised in scrutiny, Kale shook his head. “You’re not ready for that, are you?”

The thought of walking into my nightclub and having everyone stare at me flashed me back to my early teenage years. It was ridiculous. I shouldn’t be afraid to walk into a building I owned.

“I want to be. I do. I’m just not sure.”

“Arys was there last night. That’s where he and I … talked. But I think he was looking for me.” Kale was careful to keep his hatred for Arys from showing on his face, but it was still there, tainting his aura with bitterness.

I stared at the floor, seeking answers in the carpet fibers, finding only more questions. The bloodlust was creeping up, growing with every passing second. Already I longed for the days when I wouldn’t have to hunt nightly.

“It’s no big deal, Alexa. You have a strange tie to that club. I know it has to be the last place you wanted to wake up as a vampire. Don’t stress about it. We’ll go somewhere else.”