Eclipse (Twilight #3)(149)

"'Course I forgot all about that till just this minute, 'cause that's when Jake made it home. One minute it was that wolf yowling, and then you couldn't hear it anymore - Jake's cussing drowned it right out. Got a set of lungs on him, that boy does."

Charlie paused for a minute, his face thoughtful. "Funny that some good should come out of this mess. I didn't think they were ever going to get over that fool prejudice they have against the Cullens down there. But somebody called Carlisle, and Billy was real grateful when he showed up. I thought we should get Jake up to the hospital, but Billy wanted to keep him home, and Carlisle agreed. I guess Carlisle knows what's best.

Generous of him to sign up for such a long stretch of house calls."

"And . . ." he paused, as if unwilling to say something. He sighed, and then continued. "And Edward was really . . . nice. He seemed as worried about Jacob as you are - like that was his brother lying there. The look in his eyes . . ." Charlie shook his head. "He's a decent guy, Bella. I'll try to remember that. No promises, though." He grinned at me.

"I won't hold you to it," I mumbled.

Charlie stretched his legs and groaned. "It's nice to be home. You wouldn't believe how crowded Billy's little place gets. Seven of Jake's friends all squished themselves into that little front room - I could hardly breathe. Have you ever noticed how big those Quileute kids all are?"

"Yeah, I have."

Charlie stared at me, his eyes abruptly more focused. "Really, Bella, Carlisle said Jake will be up and around in no time. Said it looked a lot worse than it was. He's going to be fine."

I just nodded.

Jacob had looked so . . . strangely fragile when I'd hurried down to see him as soon as Charlie had left. He'd had braces everywhere - Carlisle said there was no point in plaster, as fast as he was healing. His face had been pale and drawn, deeply unconscious though he was at the time. Breakable. Huge as he was, he'd looked very breakable. Maybe that had just been my imagination, coupled with the knowledge that I was going to have to break him.

If only I could be struck by lightning and be split in two. Preferably painfully. For the first time, giving up being human felt like a true sacrifice. Like it might be too much to lose.

I put Charlie's dinner on the table next to his elbow and headed for the door.

"Er, Bella? Could you wait just a second?"

"Did I forget something?" I asked, eyeing his plate.

"No, no. I just . . . want to ask a favor." Charlie frowned and looked at the floor. "Have a seat - this won't take long."

I sat across from him, a little confused. I tried to focus. "What do you need, Dad?"

"Here's the gist of it, Bella." Charlie flushed. "Maybe I'm just feeling . . . superstitious after hanging out with Billy while he was being so strange all day. But I have this . . . hunch. I feel like . . . I'm going to lose you soon."

"Don't be silly, Dad," I mumbled guiltily. "You want me to go to school, don't you?"

"Just promise me one thing."

I was hesitant, ready to rescind. "Okay . . ."

"Will you tell me before you do anything major? Before you run off with him or something?"

"Dad . . . ," I moaned.

"I'm serious. I won't kick up a fuss. Just give me some advance notice. Give me a chance to hug you goodbye."

Cringing mentally, I held up my hand. "This is silly. But, if it makes you happy, . . . I promise."

"Thanks, Bella," he said. "I love you, kid."

"I love you, too, Dad." I touched his shoulder, and then shoved away from the table. "If you need anything, I'll be at Billy's."

I didn't look back as I ran out. This was just perfect, just what I needed right now. I grumbled to myself all the way to La Push.

Carlisle's black Mercedes was not in front of Billy's house. That was both good and bad. Obviously, I needed to talk to Jacob alone. Yet I still wished I could somehow hold Edward's hand, like I had before, when Jacob was unconscious. Impossible. But I missed Edward - it had seemed like a very long afternoon alone with Alice. I supposed that made my answer quite obvious. I already knew that I couldn't live without Edward. That fact wasn't going to make this any less painful.

I tapped quietly on the front door.

"Come in, Bella," Billy said. The roar of my truck was easy to recognize.

I let myself in.

"Hey, Billy. Is he awake?" I asked.

"He woke up about a half hour ago, just before the doctor left. Go on in. I think he's been waiting for you."

I flinched, and then took a deep breath. "Thanks."

I hesitated at the door to Jacob's room, not sure whether to knock. I decided to peek first, hoping - coward that I was - that maybe he'd gone back to sleep. I felt like I could use just a few more minutes.

I opened the door a crack and leaned hesitantly in.

Jacob was waiting for me, his face calm and smooth. The haggard, gaunt look was gone, but only a careful blankness took its place. There was no animation in his dark eyes.

It was hard to look at his face, knowing that I loved him. It made more of a difference than I would have thought. I wondered if it had always been this hard for him, all this time.