Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game(73)

“Noah?” she called.

I whirled around. “Yes, Mrs. Nelson?”

She stared down at her hands. “Tell Presley we’d very much like to see her, and we certainly want to be a part of our grandchild’s life.”

The wind left my body, and I collapsed back against the door frame. “Excuse me?”

Mrs. Nelson jerked her head up to give me a genuine smile. “You know what I’m talking about.”

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled, and I just wanted to be out of there. “Okay, I will,” I replied. Then I bolted from the room. I sprinted down the stairs, not even calling a goodbye to the Asshole who was standing in the foyer.

I don’t think I took a breath until I was safely inside my Jeep. Instead of heading home, I drove down to the cul-de-sac below Jake’s house. I grabbed the notebook and flipped it open. The first couple of pages were notes and homework from school. Some of it was in Jake’s handwriting and others were in Maddie’s. I was half-way through the notebook and wondering why the hell Mrs. Nelson wanted me to have it when I came across the note.

Dear Maddie,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter. I’m surprised myself that this dumb jock is actually putting thoughts down on paper. But you shouldn’t be surprised though. It’s your influence, I know.

I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’ve screwed up. I know you hate that word—but trust me, it’s the only one that can fully describe what a mess I’ve made of my life. The bad thing is what I’ve done affects us. I got some news today that pretty much floored me. I’m going to be a father, Maddie. Presley is pregnant, and it’s mine. I know that for sure.

I don’t know if you know how much I love you, Maddie. You probably don’t since I’ve been such an ass**le and kept it all inside. I’ve always hoped that deep down you knew—that you felt it when we were together. If you didn’t, I’m so sorry. I can blame anything and everything, but in the end, it’s all my fault. I should have told you. I wish I would have said all the things that were inside me. I wish I’d made you mine, but I didn’t. And I’m still being a coward because instead of doing it to your face, I’m giving you a letter instead.

I can never thank you enough for what you’ve meant in my life. You didn’t make me a better person. Instead, you dragged the real me out—even if it was only for short periods of time. I wish I had your courage, Maddie. Don’t ever let people make you doubt yourself, and don’t ever forget what an awesome girl you are.

I don’t want you to ever think any of this was your fault. To question if we had allowed ourselves to go to the next level, would this have happened? Don’t ever do that, Maddie. I love you too much for you to blame yourself for my stupid and irresponsible actions. I also loved you too much to take the gift that wasn’t mine to take. The truth is you’re too good for me, and you deserve someone better—someone like my buddy, Noah, who would worship you each and every day you were together—”

I stopped reading and gasped. My breathing came in erratic pants. Tears burned and blurred my vision, and it was several long minutes before I could start reading again.

I know this sounds like good-bye, and it is in a way. I know you’ll never have me after this—after I’ve cheated on you in the way I have. Yeah, we weren’t an official couple, but I should have told you months ago that I had feelings for you. But it’s okay; I understand. For once in my life, I’m going to do the right thing. I’m going to support Presley, and I’m going to be a father to our child.

No matter what happens, I’ll always love you—you’ll always be on my mind.

Love Jake

I must’ve stared at the letter for twenty minutes after I read it. I read it and reread it—trying desperately to let each and every word sink in. I couldn’t believe he’d mentioned me—that he’d suggested I’d be somebody who would love Maddie. How in the world could he have known that?

Most of all, he was stepping aside. For the first time in his life, Jake was really being a man. He was taking responsibility for his actions. More than that, he was actually making sacrifices for somebody—two people in fact. “Dammit!” I cried, banging my fist against the steering wheel. It wasn’t right he was gone. Just when he had gotten his shit together, he’d been taken away, and it wasn’t f**king fair. There was a baby who would never know his or her father, and Presley would have to truly be a single mother.

It hit me like a train charging through my chest that Mrs. Nelson had known. She’d read the notebook, and she’d known. More than that, she hadn’t told the Asshole. I started to wonder why in the hell she hadn’t told me. Then I imagined she felt there was some purpose in this quest—something more for me to discover than just her. It was then I realized how wise Mrs. Nelson had been. I’d discovered so much about Jake, but I’d discovered a lot more about myself. And she’d wanted that for me. Just as Jake was an adopted member of my family, I was of hers—well, to everyone but the Asshole.

As the first streaks of amber and orange made their way across the morning sky, I knew I needed to head home. I was exhausted—mentally and physically. The house was still and quiet when I walked through the door. Maddie was still sleeping.

I eased down in the floor beside her. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Should I give her the ring and leave things the way they were? Should I give her the ring and the letter and tell her how much I loved her? Dammit, why was my life so complicated!