Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game(70)

Even though I knew the answer, I didn’t want the words to leave my lips. “Yes, she did,” I murmured.

“And does Maddie love you?”

My gaze snapped to meet Mom’s. “What?”

Mom smiled. “You heard me.”

I got up from the chair and started pacing around. “I don’t know if she does or not. I mean, I know she loved Jake—she probably still does. Jesus, what kind a friend am I to hit on my dead best friend’s girl?”

“But she wasn’t his girl, Noah,” Mom protested.

“Yeah, she was. He may not have openly acknowledged it as well as he should, but he loved her. I thought he was incapable of loving anyone but himself, but I was wrong.”

“Have you talked to Maddie about any of this?”

“No.”

“You haven’t told her about the ring?”

I couldn’t help squirming in my seat under Mom’s intense glare. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was waiting. I wanted to be sure it was her before I said anything.”

Mom raised her eyebrows. “Waiting for what? For Maddie to realize she liked you instead of Jake?”

I stared her before blinking a few times in disbelief. How in the hell could she see through me so well? “Maybe,” I muttered.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Mom said, “I’m guessing you’ve known the ring belonged to Maddie for a long time, but you didn’t want to tell her.”

“Yeah,” I muttered.

“But why?”

“Cause I’m a selfish prick!” I exclaimed rising out of my chair.

Mom didn’t bother chastising my language. She knew I was too upset. “Honey, you have to tell her about Jake. But most of all, you have to tell her how you feel about her.”

I raised my eyebrows. “And just what am I supposed to say? ‘Oh by the way, Maddie, deep down, Jake was in love with you. How do I know? Oh, because he bought you a fat diamond engagement ring. But I guess it’s a good thing he’s dead because guess what? I’m in love with you’!”

Mom gave me an exasperated look. “No, I think you can do it better than that.”

I sunk back down in the chair. “I’ve never…felt this way about anybody like I do Maddie. I’m…afraid.”

“Of being shot down?”

“Of losing her,” I murmured.

Mom sat down beside me. Her eyes welled with tears. “Oh sweetie, I’ve always wanted you to be in love with someone. I was so afraid I’d caused you to be jaded and bitter towards love. I’m so happy you’ve found it. But more than anything in the world, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said. Then I shook my head. “But you’re right. I have to tell Maddie the truth. It isn’t fair keeping all this from her. She deserves better than that.” I glanced back at the living room. “As soon as she wakes up, I’ll tell her.”

Mom smiled. “Good. You’ll feel better when you do.” We stood up to start inside, but Mom doubled over. “Ouch!”

“Are you okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, your little sister gets temperamental this time of night. She must be hungry.”

I stared at her belly. “Want to feel her?” Mom questioned.

Not just no, but HELL NO! screeched in my mind, but I bit my tongue. “Um, uh…” I finally muttered.

Mom laughed. “Only if you want to, Noah. I’m not going to make you do it.”

I forced a smile to my lips as I prepared to conquer the unknown. “Sorry. It’s just kinda weird thinking about it, but yeah, why not. I’ll do it.”

She took my hand in hers and placed in on a particular spot. I felt a tiny bump, bump under the surface. I glanced up at Mom. “She’s pretty strong.”

“Yes, she is.”

“By those kicks, I guess she’s going to be the one to inherit the Sullivan sports gene that I obviously missed out on,” I mused.

“You didn’t miss out on the sports gene. You simply chose not to do it.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t you remember playing T-Ball?”

“Yeah, and I sucked.”

Mom shook her head. “No, you didn’t. You were one of the best players on the team.”

“I was?”

“Yes, you were.”

“Then why did I quit?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you were afraid of not measuring up to your father, or maybe you were afraid of hurting me. Who knows. Sometimes we just have two sides to us, Noah. One that we’re willing to let the world see, and then the other that we hide deep within ourselves.”

Mom’s words cut me to my soul. Maybe Jake and I weren’t so different. He had hid a side of himself from everyone—except for Maddie and Pastor Dan. So why would it be so crazy to think I’d done the same thing with the part of me that was like my dad.

Mom smiled. “As for your sister, she’s not hiding her ability to be an accomplished dancer—I’m getting a tap dancer vibe.”

“Maybe.”

“Do you know I can remember the first time I felt you kick?”

I raised my eyebrows. “You do?”