Blonde & Blue (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #4)(76)

Shaz dropped back into his seat, and they both turned to face me. I sipped from my coffee and readied myself. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“Alright,” I continued, feeling the weight of their gazes. “There’s no real good way to say this. I hate to even have to bring it up, but if I don’t do it now, I might never get another chance. This is about my bond with Arys. You both know what it does to me. But lately, it’s gotten worse.” I paused, mustering the courage to spit out the real point. “I’ve been killing. Nothing crazed or incessant but it’s happened. What I need from the two of you is a promise. When I die, when I become a vampire … if I’m nothing but a blood crazed monster, I want you to promise that you’ll kill me.”

A moment of quiet passed, so intense that I could hear the buzz of various electronic devices in the house. They stared at me, Kylarai in calm contemplation and Shaz in stunned silence.

“Are you serious?” He asked after a long moment of thinking it over. “Do you realize what you’re really asking us?”

“There’s nobody else I can trust to do it. Other than maybe Jez.” My stomach turned, and coffee didn’t seem so good all of a sudden. “Arys would never do it. And, the way I’ve been feeling lately – the loss of control and sometimes not even knowing who I am anymore – I just want to know that if things get bad – if I’m not me anymore – when the time comes, that someone will stop me.”

Shaz gave a frustrated growl and leaned heavily on the table with his head in his hands. “Dammit, Lex!”

Kylarai didn’t share his reaction. She was nodding thoughtfully. “What about Arys and Kale? They’re not maniacal blood junkies tearing apart every human that crosses their path. Why would you be so different? If anything, they would help you through it.”

“They’ll do their best. I’m just asking you in a worst case scenario situation.” I hated the position I was putting Shaz in. His anguish at my request was heavy on the air. “Shaz, I asked the two of you because I know I can trust you to do it. Arys would never do it. And, I’m not sure I trust anyone else enough to ask it of them. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he groaned, running both hands through his short platinum hair so it stood up in disarray. “I’m glad you came to us. I’m just praying it never really has to come to that.”

I squirmed in my chair, finding it hard to sit comfortably. “I don’t plan on dying any time soon. Not if I can help it. I just need to know I can count on you guys if it comes to that.”

“You can. I promise.” Kylarai offered a reassuring hand pat and a small smile. “I strongly believe you have more inner strength than you know. And, when the time comes, you will realize that. But, if we have to do this, we will.”

“Thank you. That’s all I needed to hear.” Looking to Shaz, I raised a brow in question.

He slammed a hand down on the table, causing my coffee cup to jump. “I’m sorry. I just really need to hit something right now.”

“I think the two of you should probably talk.” Ky shoved her chair back and stood. “I’m going to take a bath and try to get some sleep. Thanks for coming by. And Shaz, thank you for staying with me. I’ll be fine. I know you have a birthday party coming up, Lex. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

She mustered another smile, but I saw right through it. She was doing her best to put on a good front so we would leave without worrying about her. I knew Kylarai. She was strong. Strong enough to have killed the wolf that attacked her as well as her abusive prick of a husband. This woman was a delicate flower on the surface, but underneath she was a rock. I knew she could handle the loss of Julian. Hell, she’d just agreed to kill me herself if she had to. Kylarai would be fine.

I got to my feet and pulled her into a warm hug. She smelled like wolf, and I held on a little longer than necessary to revel in that familiar scent.

“Alright, we’ll take off and let you have some time alone. Speaking of alone,” I glanced around curiously. “Where’s Zoey?”

“Apartment hunting. Now that she has the money Raoul left her, she’s striking out on her own. She’s even talked about getting a job.” Ky rolled her eyes. “Though I can’t imagine her working a regular job. Should be interesting to see what she gets herself into.”

“I guess that’s all good as long as she stays out of trouble. I can’t handle a repeat of our girl’s night out.”

I turned to leave, waiting while Shaz said goodbye to Kylarai. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he hugged her close. “Call us if you need anything. Even just to talk. Anytime, ok? I mean it.”

Shaz followed me from the house to the driveway where I stopped by his car. He looked as tired as I felt. I watched him run his hand through his tousled hair a few times, and I had to smile. I would never stop being grateful for him. He was a blessing.

“So you were with Kale.” His tone was careful, like he was trying to keep accusation from creeping into it.

I met his gaze evenly, having nothing to hide. “Yes. I needed to see him. I went to tell him that what happened with us that night can never happen again.”

“Oh.” He seemed surprised. “I see. I don’t know what to say to that. I’m relieved I guess.”