Blonde & Blue (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #4)(73)

Tearing my gaze away, I glanced nervously at the floor, my feet and finally past him into the room. “Did I come at a bad time?”

“Not at all.” He swung the door open wider and stepped back to allow me in. “Come on in.”

“I think we need to talk.”

“How did everything go? I assume by the soot in your hair and the fire in your eyes that you kicked some ass.”

“I guess you could say that. I lost a wolf. Julian, to be precise.”

Kale swung the door shut, locking it as if he expected an interruption. “Can’t say I’m sorry to hear that. How’s Kylarai taking it?”

“Not so well.” I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. I could either sit on the bed, bad idea, or at the small bistro table in the corner. I chose to stand.

“Well, I’m glad the rest of you made it out ok. I was worried.” The depths of his concern was there in his eyes. He’d been afraid for me. It warmed my insides in a silly, high school crush kind of way. It was so wrong.

I tried to lighten the mood by laughing off his worry. “Hey, I told you I’d be fine. You shouldn’t underestimate me.”

“Never.” A lazy grin lit up his face. “I give you more credit than you know.”

A strange silence descended. I studied the diamond pattern on his black and grey bedding, the tile on the ceiling and the plush carpet beneath our feet. Anything to avoid eye contact.

“Kale, we have to talk about this. I’m not even sure where to start. Since the other night … in the rain … I’ve been so confused. What I get from you I can’t find in anyone else. But, what we share is weakness, and we both know misery loves company.” I fumbled with the words, wishing they would come out perfect. “It’s selfish of me to seek comfort in you when I can’t return what it is you give me.”

He seemed to contemplate what I was trying to say. Leaning back against the door, he crossed his arms and pinned me with a piercing stare. “You are my weakness, Alexa. It isn’t the bloodlust or the thrill of the kill. That’s all part of what I am. It has been for centuries. The appetites of the vampire are not a weakness. If anything they are strengths to be mastered. It’s you that brings me to my knees.”

I groaned and paced the length of the small room. I glanced at the bed, knowing that he’d taken many human women there, for their body and their blood. I was glad our encounter hadn’t been in this room.

“Is it me? Or, are you drawn to the power that makes me its bitch?” It was a challenging question, a potentially loaded one. I had the distinct feeling that I wasn’t going to get the answer I wanted.

“How can you ask me that? Of course it’s you. The power is part of you, part of your thrall. I won’t deny that. But, if this was based only on power, I’d be throwing myself at Arys.” Kale spat Arys’ name like it was something bitter in his mouth. “Somewhere along the way, over the years we’ve been friends, I fell for you. Hard. But, that’s not what you want to hear, is it?”

No amount of distracted gazing around the room could keep our eyes from locking. The look he gave me was direct, daring me to tell the harsh truth.

“Kale, this is difficult for me. I do feel something for you. I’m just not sure I can call it love. I have two men in my life that I constantly feel torn between. This,” I motioned between the two of us. “This just isn’t right. It can’t be.”

“Why? Because Arys got to you first? That means you can’t possibly love me too? Correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I’ve seen over the past year, he has been less than great for you. Or, maybe I just think that because I’m the one you run to every damn time he lets you down.”

That stung because it was true. Guilt washed over me, and I bit my lower lip until I tasted blood. “Alright. That’s fair. I won’t argue that. Arys and I do have issues. Big ones. But doesn’t everyone? This is about you and me right now.”

“There is no you and me. Isn’t that what you’re saying?” Kale stood stiffly. His energy was harsh and pained. It burned a little if I focused on it intently.

“I don’t want it to be this way between us. I can’t lose you, Kale. And, I don’t know how to keep what we have now without ruining it.” I took a step toward him but stopped, unsure of what to do with myself. “What we did the other night, I’m afraid it’s changed everything. It never should have happened.”

He shoved away from the door in a fast, smooth motion. With the grace only a vampire could possess, Kale swept me into his arms and kissed me. It was deep but gentle, with the sweetness that I’d come to associate with his kiss.

“But, it did happen,” he whispered against my lips. “And, you loved every minute of it. Of course it changes things. God, I can’t stop thinking about what it felt like to finally be inside you.”

“Stop that.”

“No. You want me, too. I can feel it. Playing this right and wrong game isn’t doing a damn bit of good.” His lips were warm against my skin as he kissed his way down my neck.

“I can’t be in love with three people. That’s too f**ked up, even for me. I feel so torn between all of you. It’s selfish. And, that is wrong.”

Putting my hands on his chest, I pushed Kale away. I was a mess of emotion. From shame to desire, a storm brewed inside me. I did want him, but none of it made sense to me. How could I feel something so different for all of them?