Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(94)

Her thoughts seemed to press in at her temples, and she forced a smile onto her face as the pain continued to crush in on her. She didn't want to think about that right now. She'd been able to forget for just the briefest of moments about Jack while she had been with Ramsey. That had been her break. Now she needed to get back to reality and fight out this battle so she could move on with her life.

"Good to see you too," she said pulling away from the embrace. "So what are we up to?"

"You'll never believe it," Bekah began ushering her away from Jimmy Choo. A slight glint in her eye remained as she passed the high heeled boots she had just been holding.

"What?" Lexi asked feigning interest.

"I had this gorgeous one-of-a-kind handmade Vera shipped to me last week for Jack's big day. Well my seamstress got a hold of it to do some last minute repairs and just destroyed it." The look on Bekah's face was pure destruction. "I've never fired anyone so fast, and she's been working for my family for years. You can't just go and ruin a brand new dress. I've no idea what she was thinking, but there was no way to salvage it and still have the desired effect."

"So you need a new dress."

"As do you," Bekah told her angling her body to direct them into Barney's.

"Oh, no I don't think so. I can't afford…"

"Money isn't an option," Bekah said the twinkle in her eye replaced by something else…a bit more mischievous.

"I'd never be able to repay you so I simply cannot accept anything, but I'd be happy to help you find something," Lexi said not wanting to ever be in debt to this woman or anyone else other than the Federal government for her student loans.

"I'll take answers to my questions as payment. How does that sound?" Bekah asked.

It sounded wonderful actually. She didn't have anything to wear to something as fancy as Bekah and Ramsey made this event out to be and she simply couldn't afford anything. But she could not let Bekah pay for her. There was more to that acceptance than Lexi was willing to succumb to. "I don't think so," she said uncertainly.

"Well let's just talk and if we find something then that was payment and if not then you're just fine. Is that better?"

Lexi chewed on her bottom lip not wanting to give into her. She tucked a lock behind her right ear and fidgeted outside of the department store. "Fine, but I doubt I'll find anything."

"Great!" Bekah exclaimed linking her arm through Lexi's and pulling into the store.

They were immediately greeted by a tall leggy associate with maroon hair and heavy makeup. She couldn't have been over thirty years old, but somehow with all the caked on layers she appeared older. "Miss Bridges, what a great surprise to see you in the store today," the woman said standing demurely before the perfume counter.

"Well thank you Katherine. My friend and I need something spectacular for Jack's big event tomorrow. Can you try to keep us away from the racks?" she asked smiling sweetly.

"Oh I think I know exactly what you mean," she said nodding and rushing towards the women's department. Lexi could tell she was excited that they had indeed come in that day since she was pretty sure everyone in this store worked on commission. Selling them two dresses for an obscene amount of money not mention anything else Bekah set her heart's desire on could keep her afloat for several months.

As Katherine bustled around the back of the store Lexi and Bekah got comfortable seated in the fitting area. Lexi didn't really know where to go next. Bekah had tried to make the conversation light and civil last time, and that hadn't worked. They both kept getting jealous and unintentionally saying things that made the other belligerent. She just needed to get through this. Lexi hoped that if she just answered the questions truthfully without any hindsight Bekah could then make up her own mind about Jack's past discretions. Lexi didn't necessarily feel the need to lead Bekah one way or another about Jack. His actions should speak for themselves. If Bekah still felt for Jack after the conversation and that he was worth her time, then that was her decision.

"So…uh…where to begin?" Lexi asked fiddling with her thumbs.

"Can you just calm down please?" Bekah asked sipping on some hot tea that appeared before them by another associate. Lexi smiled trying to sweep away her worries. She really did need to calm down. Anything negative that could come out of this exchange wouldn't be reflected back onto her.

"Yeah alright." She didn't sound all that convincing though.

"So can I just start it off then?" Bekah asked setting her tea down on a saucer and leaning back into the green cushion. Before waiting for an answer, she began, "Do you love him?"

Lexi sat and just stared at Bekah. That question hadn't been asked in the past tense. She gulped hard and fully contemplated her answer. On one side, yes of course she loved it. She loved him so much it hurt to breath. It hurt to think. It hurt to get up every morning without him. But on the other hand, she didn't know if what they had had ever truly been love. When he said that he loved her did he mean it? How could she actually know when they had never been afforded the opportunity to fully appreciate what they had?

"I believe a part of me has always and will always love Jack. Yes," she finally stated in a strangled whisper. She hated so much admitting that especially to his beautiful, perfect girlfriend. Yes, she was in love with Jack. No matter that they hadn't been together. No matter that he had left her without a backwards glance without a single act of desperation on his part. She did love him. But something about the feeling had changed and evolved over time. So that it wasn't really the same question or the same answer Lexi could give had she been asked the same question two years ago.